what do you feel when strangers touch your new born baby?

[chenge]

at the risk of sounding like im a terrible person i have a question,,my baby is 8 weeks and she is the most adorable mixed baby ever,she has this dark long hair you can run your fingers through and the first thing people do when they see her is run over to us and touch her little fingers,,her face and other,,

now as a parent,family and friends,,ok,,but strangers?on her fingers which she put in her mouth?and i don't know where that person has been,,and sometimes i am at a health center where people have flu and colds,,come on guys,,am i being a bad mom for telling people not to touch her,,i just started yesterday in a hair salon and i felt like the worst person ever,,so go on,,let me know how bad i am,,,

I hate it too, many of us do.

There's probably little real reason to worry but it is a protective instinct and you've every right to ask people not to.

I would NEVER touch someone's new baby unless they asked me to.

i NEVER touch people's babies,i get close but keep my hands buried somewhere,and sometimes mothers will ask me to hold or touch their baby,,that is different,,if you get the permission then by all means,,but to just assume its a baby so it is now public property that is so wrong,,

i had the same problem when i was pregnant,and some people still want to rub my tummy even now when my baby is born,,why oh why?stupid people,,,

It never really bothered me tbh and now I have a 3 year old I would imagine my second dc will be exposed to millions of germs anyways!

Imo people are touching things all around you, you touch those things then you touch your baby - whats the difference?

I would hate someone to kiss my baby though (a stranger) - that crosses the line.

doesn't bother me

DD is washable and wipeable

I think her filthy, permanently mucky, not that great at handwashing toddler brother is more likely to be a health hazard to her than a lovely lady in the local cafe

Get off my baby !

That's what i think - look and coo as much as you like but please don't touch - no need. You wouldn't just go and start touching a random adult

I hated it on ds and I don't touch other peoples baby's without a invite. It didn't bother me so much on dc2 though. I take wipes and wipe her hand afterwords.

Both of mine have also developed a phobia of people because everyone thinks it is ok to invade a baby's space and we have such a large family that by the time guests went both dc were terrified of people. dd 9months still screams as soon as I get visitors till the time they go.

I mostly didn't mind it when the local WI members in our village bent over the pram and cooed, usually with a gentle stroke of the baby's cheek. However, I did get a bit snippy with 4 mucky little children who kept on touching DD2's face when I'd asked them not to (and their mother, who was in the same queue in the shop, ignored them and me altogether).

Don't get me wrong, I approve of mucky little children usually, just not touching my 6-week-old baby's face.

I think "Oh, how wonderful, these kind, lovely people want to adore my baby as much as I do"

to be honest,,i think what bothers me is not that they touch,but that they don't ASK FOR PERMISSION to do so,,nobody walks over to a grown up and touch them,i would think since my baby is on my body the first thing for a person before coming that close is to at least ask me if its ok to touch,,maybe im overreacting,cooing and admiring is all ok,,i honestly don't think you have to touch to show me you like my baby,,anyway thats just me,,,

I think it's a lovely reminder of how babies belong not just to us but to the wider community. In a more "traditional' society I'm sure babies would get touched and cuddled by lots of people. I also think we worry too much about germs and dirt!

I agree with HouseofMirth and Trafficone, although I do recognise that new mothers also feel protective in a primal sort of way.

generally I never minded but I did once smack a woman's hand away when she reached into the pram toward DS's face when he was very little. she was a little bit odd and I just didn't want her touching him. its the only time I ever felt uncomfortable so went on my instinct.

i guess since i am a new mother thats why it bothers me,probably won't be the same with number 2,,right now im just being protective,,

I think it is much better for babies to be part of the community than to be in an antiseptic bubble.

I loathed people touching my dd. She was a rarity in Oman and it seemed people felt they had a right to touch her. I must confess to covering her up with a muslin when we went out, she got dysentry when she was about 12 weeks old and I blame the man in the souk.

No one ever attempted to touch DS. I must have that kind of face.

And fwiw some people do invite themselves to touch other adults - I have had colleagues at work suddenly accost me without warning, yanking my clothes around to get a better look at my tattoo. As with my baby, I am more than happy to share and talk but FFS ask me first!

It never bothered me.

It doesn't bother me with my 5wk old. People are just being nice and want to admire the new baby (because she is so lovely obv)
I never even thought about the hygine aspect tbh.

Sooner or later on here people bring in how nice people are about DCs in Mediterranean countries and how sad that the British can't be the same.
I don't think you can have it both ways. In Mediterranean countries they interact with babies and DCs, they are warm and tactile. In Britain it is all about control -you can admire my baby, but under my terms!
Look and don't touch-keep your distance and your germs and dirty hands to yourself.
I didn't find on the whole that people went around touching mine when they were babies and I never touch other people's babies. I can't see that the odd occasion is a problem.
Sociability is more important to a baby than hygiene.

i guess i should have explained why i posted this message,,at the health centre where they take care of your babies,no sick babies are allowed,if your child is sick you take him or her to your own doctor then the doctor will send you to hospital,,that place is for weighing and teaching first time mothers how to breastfeed and a lot other things,,

so this lady obviously had a bad cough,i mean serious one,and had some tissue in her hands that she would spit on,my baby was on my lap,she walked over and said,'oh,what a cute baby',i said thank you,then she touched her palms,her face and her hair,all this time i was hoping she would touch her FEET,or not at all ,they were there in the open,and she didn't,my daughter likes to put her whole fist in her mouth,and i was a bit mad,,and i din't have any wet wipes to wipe the hands afterwards,,i have to say i didn't know what to do hence this message,,i have to say many of the posts find nothing wrong in people touching,but as a first time mom we overreact and thats ok,,so im gonna let people ADMIRE my cute babycoz to be honest,something wells up within me when they do,and seeing that we are going to africa in dec,,i might as well start preparing her for all the people who will be touching her there,what i find interesting is my friends,and church members do no touch her at all,only strangers,,interesting,,,
but thank you all for your words,,at least no one accused me of being a bad person for im not,,,,,just a mom who is still learning,,

chenge - well - that further info clarifies things a bit

The only time it bothered me was at a wedding reception when this haggard old woman, a real Fag Ash Lil type, put down her cigarette, picked up DS and planted a kiss on his lips. Ewwww! I had to wipe lipstick off him and hope that she hadn't breathed her faggy breath into his mouth.

I do feel uncomfortable touching other people's really new babies, under about a month old. They are still so much part of their mother that I would feel like I was invading, it would be as if I was touching the woman intimately.

I wouldn't want that particular woman touching my baby either, chenge-I was assuming that they wouldn't go near if they had an infection.

me too piscesmoon,but this place is also for pregnant women,and this coughing lady was pregnant,i only let her touch simply bcoz she was pregnant,and she might have been having a bad day,so i let her but i can tell you my stomach was growling,,haha,,however i kept eyeing her tissue and looking at my face she decided to stop,,,