If you have children young, do you feel older earlier?

[CuppaTeaJanice]

I'm 34, and have a 2 year old DS. Most of my friends are in their late twenties, or early-to-mid thirties, and also have pre-school children. So I don't feel particularly old, I've just entered the 'second generation' and still feel like a new-ish mum.

Then I hear on Facebook, and through friends in RL, about people I went to school with who have teenage children. I think a couple of them are even grandparents! It struck me that this puts them at the same 'life stage' as my parents who are in their mid 60s.

So I wondered, if you became a grandparent in your thirties or early forties when many of your peers still have babies or young children, do you feel older than them? Does becoming a parent young also make you feel old young?

We had our first dc when we were early twenties, and my dh looked even younger.

We got so used to being the youngest parents among dd's friends parents, and enjoyed that status. And dh really enjoyed the surprise when people found out he was a father of 3.

But now our youngest is 16 and we obviously aren't the youngest parents anymore, as some of his friends are the eldest child in their families, etc. But it comes as a surprise to us that we're older then others. We are still locked in the image of us a younger than other parents that it shocks us to remember that we aren't anymore.

I had my 1st 4 DC in teens/early 20s and felt a 'young' mum for ages, most mums in my area were 35+. I am early 30s now with a teenager and a 1 year old. I now feel 'average' age mum!!! I am the youngest by far of my DD1s friends mums, most are in their 50s and me and DD are closer in age then me and their mums. I made my mum a grandma by 40 and she still seems really young in her 50s so I don't think she felt older sooner. I am knackered though!!

I've got 2 kids, the eldest is 3, youngest a baby, and I'm 29. There was a few years when I felt old. You do have to grow up with kids, and I was what you could call a free spirit

BUt as the youngest is approaching one
I feel like I'm getting my groove back a bit. I'll be 30 at the end of this year and may have already had all my kids and I'll have a whole decades ahead of me to be increasingly free, to concentrate on a career or what have you. So I do feel young in a way.
If I have another child though, that'll be scuppered.

my kids are 21 and twins 17.

i started aged 17. had twins aged 21. i am 38 and my kids are grown.

i think its fab. i dont feel old - not a jot.

ask me when grandchildren arrive.

Sakura - I'd had both my boys by the time I was 29 and now they are 21 and 18. It was a good age I think.

I realise it's still early days, but I am 21 and I have an 18 month old. I don't feel "old" compared to my friends without children - I feel like a 21 year old, who happens to have a child to take care of.

I suppose in a way it's strange that most of my friends are just finishing uni, and I have been living out of home, supporting myself (OK on benefits for the last couple of years, but running a household by myself/with a partner, rather than living in halls/a house share) and that part makes me feel older in a way, but then I am now about to start uni, and by the time I finish they will probably all be on their way to high flying careers etc, when I will only just be getting started! And that makes me feel younger.

I think it's just doing things in a different order and will even out as we all get older and do similar things.

I had 1st child at 21, last one at 26 - I'm now 43 - I feel very young. Children are all self sufficient, I do very little - I get lots of sleep and can party hard again

I had dd1 when I was 19, my dad was then 37 And my mum 38 they still seem very young now at 46 and 47. It's strange really as they feel too old to have young children and are shocked if people presume my dc's are theirs yet dp is 45 and doesn't think he is too old for a young family and we are planning to ttc again.

I had 1st child at 18, 2nd at 25 (big gap I know), 3rd at 27 (not so big gap) and 4th at 30. I love to see the shock on peoples faces when i tell them i have 4 kids and the eldest is 12... I dont feel older for having them early, all my friends are just starting to have they`re kids now and im finished having mine..

im 44,had my first at 17, 19 and last at 26, im granny to four granddaughters and one grandson and dont feel pass it yet,infact my eldest granddaughter who is seven tells me to grow up,

think you feel younger if anything. had ds when i was 23

I find it strange too that my friends are now starting to have their first babies at 28 and I'm trying for number 5.

Trying for number 5 4andnotout, how would you cope

I am 47 and my youngest is 4. My old schoolfriends have grandchildren!

Yes, i do feel younger, or actually i forget how old i am. I mean until last year i was buying potty and pushing buggy. It gives you a false sense

I have had babies in my teens, 20s and 30s. Am def tireder now!!

i was 20 when eldest was born, 24 when younget born. I feel old compared to others my age but young compared to other parents and i'm very excited about the fact that my kids will be teenagers when i'm in my 30's and i'll be young enough to enjoy the freedom

my BF will be 43 next month.

She's a mother of 5 and a grandparent of 2 (and a bit - her 3rd DD is 20 weeks pregnant)......she says she doesn't feel old.......but she's too young to be a granny

Mumoffourgirls- I'm hoping that #5 will be as good as the rest, I may not get a lot of sleep at times and they drive me shanny at times but they are rather lovely girls and I'm proud to be their mum. However I may be completely deluded

I think having children and grandchildren at a young age makes you seem older to other people because you are experiencing life stages ahead of the schedule of others. But although you seem older than you are to your peer group, and to other parents, I think you feel younger than you are because you compare yourself to people with kids the same age!

I like to see younger parents around but find it very rare.

DH and I were surprised on a day out a few weeks ago at how many parents of young children had grey haired/bald dads and the mums looked q old too. Maybe second time round parents, I don't know. I'm 47 and had mine at 29 & 31 so wasn't a spring chicken but I certainly wouldn't want littlies in middle age.

I was 18 having ds4 and 21 having dd 9mnths.

sometimes seeing my old friends who I lost when I was pg going out having fun doing uni makes me a little sad, but then I look at my two dc and think I am the lucky one and I think it is better because I am 22 a SAHM have a mortgage two wonderful dc a mum who can run around and really play with her gc. When you put it like that a drink Friday night don't really compare.

But yes it did force me to grow up quicker but it is a small price to pay and I am going to go back to uni when my dc are both in school and will have a degree before I am 30 and be able to take my career quite far because I wont have to break for children.

I have a friend who had her kids in her late teens/early 20s. Now approaching 30 she seems really old.

I think it's not so much the having kids that ages you but the stress that is associated with them. I think that a lot of young Mums age quickly because the experience of having kids young is stressful.

I had kids youngish but I'm still more immature youthful than my childless friends.

im 23 & iv got 2 dc,i dont feel old but i find a lot of ppl my age who have no dc and are not settled down in any way seem immature to me, i suppose just different lifestyles

I am 47 (just!) and have a 3 yo. I also have an 18 yo, and a 20, 22 and 24 yo.

Some of my children's friends already have children themselves- that seems weird.

As someone else said we were always considered "young parents" so it is a bit odd now to be elderly parents. Nobody has yet mistaken us for DD2's grandparents.

Certainly didn't feel older earlier but I do look at DD1 and think "when I was your age I already had you and your brother". She seems very young for her age