Please help I am at the end of my tether ...... I feel like the HV has ruined ds2 )-:

[mosschops30]

ds2 has been such a lovely baby, happy, smiling, sleeps like an angel.

I started weaning about 2 weeks ago (he is 6 months next week), just with a bit of porridge in the morning and maybe something savoury or a fruit pot in the afternoon. He had this along side 5 bottles a day of 6oz. We were both enjoying it.

Now the HV came round on Monday ans said he should be on 3 meals a day now and down to 2 bottles (one morning, one night) of 6oz each.
So I tried this, and I just find he doesnt want to eat that much all the time, so I get really stressed feeding him, thinking he's got to eat, im literally shovelling/forcing it into him. He wont drink much water maybe an ounce a day.
Since wednesday he has pretty much cried all day every day and Im exhausted , I just sat on the floor and cried next to him, its so hard listening to someone cry for 3 days, he woke up this morning at 5am crying, and is pretty much still going.
Yesterday I gave him an extra bottle but it doesnt seem to have helped.

Please help I dont know what to do

Go back to what you were doing.

you DO know what to do, mossy, you daftie. you've been on MN long enough to know that HVs sometimes talk utter rubbish and that sometimes you have to ignore them.

there is NO WAY he should be on three meals a day at that age, it's bonkers, and he needs at least 18oz-21oz of milk per day until he's one.

just go back to what you were doing and take everything that woman tells you with a pinch of salt from now on. (just don't put said salt into babymossy's food).

Your HV is a loon - go back to giving him what you were doing before when you and he were happy. He'll drop milk feeds and eat more solids as he gets bigger, and neither of you will cry about it.

Aw, poor you Definitely go back to what you were doing, he's only tiny yet.

Sorry that came over as abrupt, there is no hard and fast rules about weaning. My DD like her food and was on three meals a day by 6 months, DS was not interested until 8 months, I would go back to what you were doing as it was obviosuly working for you.

Go back to what you were doing, every baby is an individual and if your baby is happy having 5 bottles and trying 2 meals then that's fine.

You'll probably find that in the next few weeks his wants will change although in the heat he will get thirsty so it is worth trying him on some water in either a bottle or cup before his milk.

Grrr, another HV rant being held in. My ds only dropped to 2 milk feeds a day about 3 weeks ago and he's more than 10 months. He was v hungry baby so moved from initial solids to 3 meals a day within about 3-4 weeks and that's kind of the point - they're all different! Just go back to what you were doing, don't worry, they're also amazingly resilient and he'll soon chill out again. You'll figure out how you want to increase the food / decrease the milk as you go. To be honest, I couldn't even remember what I'd done with dd as it just kind of worked itself out. Enjoy having such a lovely happy baby and don't let the HV get either of you stressed.

mosschops, the link here is the official department of health birth to five advice. if you scroll down to p47 it says:

"you can give your baby between
500 and 600ml (about a pint) of
infant formula a day until they are
at least a year old"

i agree with everyone else - go back to what was working for you and your ds. milk is still his main source of nutrition (and comfort, which is no bad thing at all).

my ds2 is 15 months and still hasn't dropped to two milk feeds a day and three solid meals... he prefers milk and we're lucky if he eats one full meal a day. My other two favoured food over milk from 6 months..... didn't do anything differant, they're just differant personalities.

Go back to what you were doing and from now on smile, nod and ignore whenever the HV talks

My goodness! Even 9-10y ago, when babies were weaned at 4m and expected to be on 3 meals a day by 6m, they were still expected to have at least 20oz of milk during the day. What planet is the silly woman on?

Like everyone else says, just ignore her and go back to what you were doing before. You were doing fine, following your instincts and your excellent feel for your ds's needs.

Oh Mosschops - I really feel for you. What you were doing worked for you and DS2 - go back to that, if you want to offer him snacks of finger foods in between do that (if he's hungry he'll eat, if not he'll stick to bottles). FWIW, DS1 was a milk monster until he was around 18 months and not much of a fan of solid food and then it all suddenly changed. Kids are all different and your HV should understand that!

My charge is 11 months and has 3 and sometimes 4 bottles a day plus 3 meals. She didn't start reliably having 3 meals til she was nearly 10 months old! I encouraged her progression buy don't believe in forcing progress if what is in place is working nicely. I would go back to what you were doing. Let your baby progress at a pace that suits him and not your loony HV!

Mosschops

Please listen to the excellent advice you have been given (from MN, not from HV obviously!)

Your little chap was clearly getting on well before the interference advice from your clearly misinformed HV.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I could tell you some real horror stories about hv's giving rubbish advice to me, one of which could easily have led to the death of my dd... - Luckily I got better information before taking her advice.

he's not even 6m, how can she evevn think her ad vice is correct??
Not having a go btw, i weaned mine at about the same age but i can't believe she's giving out that 'official' advice.
DD is 8 months, always has breakfast and usually one other meal, depending on naps / what i'm doing. Don't think she'll br on 3 meals for a while!

Mosschops, you're the one weaning him, you're his mum, you know what works between the two of you. Go back to what you were doing. You know he'll be off the bottle and on to 3 meals a day, plus snacks etc like everybody else - eventually. It's far more important for you both to enjoy feeding.

Boy was I lucky with my HV! He always referred and deferred to me, always. Never pushed anything and let me decide, just advised and informed me so I could choose. Maybe because he was a man in a "woman's" job? Anyway, he was great.

Do you know any adults who use a bottle?

wow thank you all for your wonderful replies that have had me both laughing and crying at the same time
Ive been away from MN because I phoned my lovely friend in tears, she came straight over took ds2 to the park in his buggy and brought him home asleep, hes been asleep since and Ive been catching up on making what looks like Afghanistan look more like home because Ive done nothing for 3 days!

She said that he needs to be one 3 meals because it should be his main source of nutrition now and not the milk and that if he was hungry I should up the food and deffo not the milk. But he doeant want to eat all the time yet.
She also said something about if I dont give him lumps now he will lose his ability to take them and its difficult to get back, pointing out what happened with ds1 who I was crap at weaning too and didnt get off purees until about 12 months

Can I give him water in a bottle? She says not, but he doesnt seem to know what to do with the cup I bought him despite it advertising 'easy transition from bottle to cup'

Can someone give me an idea of what I should be doing then, could I give something like this:
7am - normal 6oz bottle
9.30 - breakfast
12.00 - small lunch or fruit
3pm - 6oz bottle
5pm - some dinner

What would I do then, give another bottle at 7pm or dream feed him at 9ish?

Thanks so much, I was losing the plot this morning

Mosschops, my dd is 8 months old and still has six milk feeds a day. Her day goes roughly,

5-6am 6oz bottle
7:30 Breakfast
9am Bottle
12pm Bottle followed by a small lunch
3pm Bottle
5pm Diner
7pm Bottle
11Pm Dream feed

look, seriously... forget about the three meals bullshit. my two were blw'd so they ate what they wanted and neither were on three meals until 11 mos or so. (sometimes though they'd have five meals, sometimes one, dependent on tiredness, teething, my ability to be arsed etc. )

just do what you want, what he wants, and what fits into your lifestyle.

at 6 months ds's day went like this:

7am - milk
8am - breakfast
11am - milk
12pm - lunch
2.30/3pm - milk
5pm - dinner
7pm - milk
in the night till 8 months - milk

the meals were tiny to start with but as they started to get bigger his milk intake dropped. He dropped the night feed at 8 months but still had 4 day feeds. He didnt get to 3 feeds till 9 months and was at 2 feeds by 10 1/2 months.

I offered water in a lidded cup but he didnt take more than a few sips to start with - we favoured the tommee tippee first cup. He still had his milk to fall back on though so I knew he wasnt dehydrated.

Your lo has only just started weaning so of course he wont take loads of solids yet. He will need milk for his hunger while he learns to cope with the new tastes/texture you are giving. You can offer finger foods alongside the other foods and he will learn to chew too.

I agree with Aitch - do what works for you and DS2 Mosschops. FWIW my (now 15 months) DS2's day roughly looks like:

• morning BF
• breakfast around 7ish
• milk (in a bottle, shock horror) and snack around 10.30ish
• lunch around 12/12.30ish
• milk (in a bottle, shock horror) and snack around 3ish
• dinner at 5
• BF at 6.40ish and bed

He's BLWed and basically will eat if he wants to or not - he was like that from when I went back to work (at nearly 7 months). Not a fan of bottles so only had 2 small ones during the day time as a result. DS1 was more of a fan of milk so used to be as above but have some milk after his lunch time meal too. And boo sucks to the puree theory - if you mix up the purees and finger foods (when DS2 sees what DS1 is eating he WILL want it too so that's half your battle done) your baby will be getting plenty of texture.

I go by the baby led weaning motto that 'food is for fun until they are one' (and that is 1 and 11 months).

We were pretty much told the same by our hv and after two weeks of him taking nothing off a spoon, we left food in front of him and what do you know, he started picking it up and then started mouthing it and eventually some bits went in. Now he never stops eating.

The hv would say 'What time do you give him breakfast?'. '8.30' I'd say. 'Oh no you must give him breakfast at 8 and it must be weetabix'. I got to the point where I would try to anticipate what the right answer was and just lie to the hv.

Sorry should say "will eat or not if he wants to"

Ignore HV.

I have all my kids diaries from babies and they were on to rice between 22-26 weeks iirc. Happy to lok at them for you.

Do what works for you.

Milk should still be the main source of food.

Why do these HVs have such strong opinions?? They must see hundreds of mums doing things all sorts of different ways, and their babies grow up to be healthy toddlers, you'd think they would come to realise that there isn't one right way of doing things

I wouldn't worry about the lumps thing - a good way of encouraging it is to offer finger foods alongside the purees, even just strip him down to a nappy, stick some spag bol on his highchair tray, and stand well back while he thoroughly explores it! Then stick him straight in the kitchen sink for a bath afterwards. He will love it and you'll get some great photos. But don't stress about it - so your DS1 was still on purees at a year - it's not really a massive chunk of his life, is it? At least he was eating something - I think we all find something to worry about, are they eating enough? Or are they eating the right foods, is it healthy enough, solid enough, varied enough, organic enough? As long as you're following his lead and not preventing him from eating, he will be fine. A normal healthy child is not going to starve himself. They just all come to food at different rates Milk should definitely be the main source of nutrition now and it will gradually change to being food over the next 6-12 months.

Re water in a cup, I got DS to take a cup (one of the tommee tippee flip lid very simple ones) by offering the cup with some water in with no lid, let him explore it with me holding on so he didn't just tip it up straight away, after a while he put it to his mouth and realised there was water in it, he liked that, it was a new experience, so I let him drink with me helping hold the cup for a few days, and then I put the lid on it. From the colour of the cup he knew what to expect so when I put the spout in his mouth and water came out he wasn't surprised and from then on has been able to manage it by himself (though I needed to make sure it was the right way round in the early days) he didn't drink much water until about 8 months though, now he drinks loads. If you do this method it's important to use a free-flow cup with no valves etc so the water dribbles into the baby's mouth without them having to suck. Hence only using water for ages (no juice) because it makes less of a sticky mess when they fling it everywhere!