Please help I am at the end of my tether ...... I feel like the HV has ruined ds2 )-:

[mosschops30]

ds2 has been such a lovely baby, happy, smiling, sleeps like an angel.

I started weaning about 2 weeks ago (he is 6 months next week), just with a bit of porridge in the morning and maybe something savoury or a fruit pot in the afternoon. He had this along side 5 bottles a day of 6oz. We were both enjoying it.

Now the HV came round on Monday ans said he should be on 3 meals a day now and down to 2 bottles (one morning, one night) of 6oz each.
So I tried this, and I just find he doesnt want to eat that much all the time, so I get really stressed feeding him, thinking he's got to eat, im literally shovelling/forcing it into him. He wont drink much water maybe an ounce a day.
Since wednesday he has pretty much cried all day every day and Im exhausted , I just sat on the floor and cried next to him, its so hard listening to someone cry for 3 days, he woke up this morning at 5am crying, and is pretty much still going.
Yesterday I gave him an extra bottle but it doesnt seem to have helped.

Please help I dont know what to do

Yes sorry meant to add in my 2nd paragraph that a lot of babies skip the mashed food stage and go straight from smooth purees to finger foods/normal food, it's something to do with the chewing action required. Imagine eating smooth soup from a spoon and then imagine eating cornflakes from a spoon. You have to chew the cornflakes, if you tried to just swallow them like the soup, you'd choke. Babies seem to know this and they either get it straight away and do the chewing thing, or they gag for a bit and then get the hang of chewing, or they just reject it thinking "This is strange and dangerous!" But cope quite happily with finger foods as it's a completely different concept.

like everyone says, do go back to what you were both happy with.

HV's seem to make life so hard with their 'rule of god' approach to it all. Just lie next time, it's easier!

Darling, my DS is just gone 2, and until his recent eating jag started (so about 23/24 months), he was having at least two big bottles of milk a day - about 8/9oz (around 250ml) each time, as well. He woke in the night, and because he has eczema, we don't leave him as he would scratch. So more milk then as well, I would not be surprised if he had had 1 litre or more in a day.

Now, this has not been the best thing for him, as it was probably affecting his appetite. It's interesting to see that he is now (1) eating better, (2) sleeping through and (3) having less milk because not up in the night IYSWIM. How those three facts are related - that is, what caused what - is hard to tell.

Yet he is one of the tallest we know (he has tall genes, but the point is that he has not been stunted by his milk monster habits). He now eats with interest (though that's the subject for many other threads). His brain is evidently developing as well.

He is a 2 year old, so this is a long way down the path of a life of lots of milk and fussy eating, and it doesn't look too bad, does it?

Really, milk is not a poison. Yes, they need other foods, but as many people discover with their DC, learning to eat is a big psychological step for babies, and it continues to have psychological ramifications long into toddlerhood, teens and adulthood (think anorexia/bulimia). You know your own child, so do as you see works best. Go back to your original methods, but don't stop experimenting.

Good luck!

(P.S. Sorry for all the extra psych stuff, but MN is so stuffed with My-toddler-won't-eat threads that I thought you could do with a preview! )

I think maybe the HV is giving you very old fashioned advice from the days when babies were started with solids at 10 weeks (as I was

Agree with everyone else's advice, just wanted to add that my dd refused any solid food whatsoever until the day she turned six months.

You know your baby better than anyone else, and far better than bonkers HV.

Those of you giving 4 feeds did you make them smaller feeds. Im wondering if I give him a bottle now about 2pm then something to eat about 5, he will probably only take a small bottle at eitjer 7pm or 10pm, he wont drink both (i know this from last week when all was good).

He doesnt have any problem with breakfast and wolfs it down.

FWIW i have given him a fruit pot for lunch, he ate half, and plonked some bread and butter pieces on his food tray, he's eaten maybe a couple

(by "solid food" I mean anything other than milk, btw...)

Mosschops, the HV's advice is utterly inappropriate and not even safe. She sounds like a right twat.

Your baby should be having at LEAST a pint of milk a day, and cutting him down to 2 feeds would mean they have to be 10oz each!

Put him beck to exactly the routine he had before. It was safe, age appropriate,a nd was working for both of you. He'll tell you when he wants less milk - he'll stop drinking it. He's tell you when he wants more food - he'll clear his plate and cry for more.

I'm actually quite cross on your behalf!

"he needs to be one 3 meals because it should be his main source of nutrition now and not the milk"
then she is definitely talking crap!

Re the cup - I started giving DD a tommee tippee one when she was about 6m, and the contents just ended up on the floor every single time. I was starting to panic as I'm doing the odd day at work soon, and she completely refuses a bottle. But in the last 2/3 weeks she's started drinking really well out of them! OK so lots still ends up down her front and on the floor but it'll keep her alive and happy for the odd day / half day. It's so cute, she has a bite of food, sip of water, bite of food, sip of water

Just do whatever you like.

You are feeling so terrible because the HV has undermined your instincts - and when you are dealing with a small baby whilst battling with exhaustion, your instincts are all you have.

But HV has not ruined your baby. Put aside all those thoughts. Babies are REALLY TOUGH. I have three, and the second and third positively thrived on the chaotic and at time sporadic care.

Boycott the HV - unless you have got a really good one, they are best avoided. And the really good ones don't say much, unless absolutely necessary. They know to leave it to mum.

Mosschops - god how much conflicting information can you get about weaning - it's all over the place it really is.
I started my LO on purees and he threw up banana seriously badly and now won't take anything off a spoon. Went to finger foods and self-feeding and for probably 6 weeks he ate very little and played a lot. He is now 8 mnths and still on 5 feeds of 6-8 oz a day but is definitely taking on more solids. I threw all the books/advice out of the window and decided to go on instinct. As a result no more crying at mealtimes, an extremely active LO who is putting on weight, mega chilled out temprament wise and will eat pretty much anything (apart from Thai chilli chicken and the dreaded banana). This strategy your HV recommended (??) isn't working for you - just change it! Go back to what you had before, do self-feeding, whatever you & he likes. He'll be happier, you'll be happier and he will enjoy food.

Oh and regards the cup - at 8 mnths mine is nowhere near using a cup (although I haven't tried that hard to be fair!) and a friend of mine has an 11 mnth in the same boat. Really don't worry!

The best advice I ever got re feeding was 'they are really only playing with food. Get used to the feel of it, moving it around their mouths, swallowing spitting etc.' The nutrition comes from the milk.

It completely unstressed me. No more tears over rejected Annabel Karmel gourmet dishes - I just cooked the recipes I knew I would like. If they didn't eat it - I did!

Mosschops milk is the most important food stuff for DS2, continue to do the routine you had (before the LOON HV) and reduce the bottle volume/up to food intake as dictated by DS2. He has his whole life ahead to eat, it is one place you don't want to be a battlezone.

My DS never even took a bottle - and DD may/may not and I just DON'T CARE!! HA ha ha (evil laugh at flying in the face of the 'how many ozes did he take? brigade).

To this day, I have absolutely ZERO idea of what they 'should' be doing at what age (i.e. how much milk they should be drinking) and do you know what? - DS is nearly 3 and eats ALL before him and self-weaned at 13 months. DD has been galloping up the stupid percentile charts like a speed demon and is a right porky little sausage (as much as you can be at almost 5 weeks ).

All of which to say - and in agreement with all the other mums who have chimed in - it just doesn't matter as long as they are content and given room to explore 'people food' in their own individual way... I always picture cavewomen confronted by the stupid advice we are given today, who would be utterly, utterly flummoxed at all the 'supposed tos' we are confronted with....

Moss - I am a HV too and I would say go back to what you were doing - I cannot understand the push to get babies onto three meals a day by six months. Your HV sounds woefully out of date

Do what works for you and your baby and NOT what this HV thinks you SHOULD be doing. There are times when babies need more solid food but this does not sound like YOUR baby or the right time to be massively increasing solid food intake.

My HV advised me to wean ds when he was 12 weeks (which I did because I didn't have mumsnet or know any better), then I was told to give him weetabix for breakfast (which I did because I didn't know any better), he's had digestive problems off and on since he was 4. Don't listen. I now know that the first stages of weaning are just to introduce your baby to new textures being in his mouth, not to fill him up with food. There's no rush, when he's ready for more then he'll tell you.

Another call for going back to feeding him how your were.

At 6months, food is for first tastes, not really for nutrition. He still needs more milk for that!

Poor ds! Poor you!

Can't really add anything to the already numerous replies other than to add my support, your baby sounds lovely and you are a great mum.

Next time your HV gives advice just smile and nod and then ignore ignore ignore. You definitely sound like a mummy who knows best!!

Good luck,

Someone asked about smaller milk feeds. My son was on 4 x 9oz bottles at 6 months when I started weaning, a month or two later he would turn away from the bottle before the end, so I put less in. He now has 4 x 7oz bottles. Just follow his lead.

Mosschops - I might have a bit of an odd attitude to infant nutrition, but here it is in case it helps.

At random and mutually convenient intervals durng the day, offer the baby any combination of food, milk, juice and water that seems handy and enjoyed by the bubba. Pay little/no heed to the clock [remove the fucker from the wall, they are never going to tell you what you want to hear].

This way your baby will be appetite led, they generally seem to know what they need and eat/drink it, and you will have a lfestyle that you and bubba are in charge of - not the clock.

My dd2 is 15 months, and swings from loads of food and a oz bottle, to a few rice cakes and 4 8oz bottles. It's all good.

Just to add that my 13-month old is on 3-meals a day and 2 bottles of 6oz.
When mine was 6-months I recall him having between 4 /5 bottles a day and nibbling while watching me stuff my face with breadsticks during every meal.

Don't panic. My DS was not on 3 meals a day at 6 months, and I weaned him a few weeks early. Your HV doesn;t know your son - YOU do. They give you advice, but at the end of the day, every baby is as unique as every adult and you know what suits him best.

Don't worry about the water, too. Give him a little sip of water every so often (try a doidy cup - they're good, although you will have to help him for a while) and you'll find his intake increases. FWIW, my DS was still having a night feed at nearly 12 months and was defo on more than 2 bottles a day at 6 months.

I echo what others have said - you know your baby best so go back to what you were doing before HV decided to give you 'helpful' advice.