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Original poster

am i too old for 2nd child

28 replies

choccygirl2 · 20/05/2010 21:32

Hi i am 38 years old and have a 12yr old dd. I am considering another child but am worried about the large age gap and my age in terms of healthy babies. Has anyone been through this and got any advice for me? thanks

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HeadFairy · 20/05/2010 21:33

I can't comment about the age gap, but I've just had my second at 39. Had no health issues whatsoever. I think if you're healthy and fit there's no reason not to.

Al1son · 20/05/2010 22:00

I have a six year age gap and it has been lovely to have girls who rarely fight. DD1 takes DD2 to the village shop to buy sweets and to the playground on her bike. they have a wonderful relationship and I put it down to the big age gap.

I say go for it and you'll have a ready made babysitter in a few years.

I would have another myself but I do feel at 42 it's a bit late and both my DDs have a few issues that would make me worry about the health of another child so it's a no no for me.

silverdogflower · 20/05/2010 22:11

Do it! I have a 10 yr gap between first and last Dcs, and was 38 when I had last one. Was much easier to be honest!

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MyCatIsABastard · 20/05/2010 22:13

Age gap wise my cousin has a 13yr gap between her two and they love each other to bits.

Age wise, I had my 2nd child at 39. He was fine, I was fine.

Go for it I say.

SpiritualKnot · 20/05/2010 22:17

8 year gap between mine, now ds,18 and dd, 10. Had dd at 38. A nice lady said to me, "oh you've 2 onlies, how lovely" She meant like, the first was an only child and then the 2nd one was too.That's quite how it feels really. There's no arguments, ds adores dd and visa versa.

Watch your age though. We decided to try straight away to conceive when we were still contemplating another child as we thought it would take a few months coz of my age, and I was pregnant 2 weeks later!

Now H and I are getting divorced and as Al1son says, my ds babysits so can go out when I want!

dolphin13 · 20/05/2010 22:17

I had ds at 39 when my dd was 12.

She wasn't close to her brother and there were a few times when she was jealous. But she was a very hormonal and difficult teenager so to be honest any excuse to throw a strop was good for her.

Now at 22 she is a brilliant big sister (we also adopted dd2 when I was 46). She is having both childen for a long weekend in October so dh and I can go away.

If I am honest I do wish my dc didn't have such large age gaps as they have nothing in common with each other but we have fun (dd1 spoils them rotten) and hopefully dd1 will be able to offer advice to dd2 when she hits the dreaded teenage years.

scotlass · 20/05/2010 22:17

I had my DD at 26 and my DS at 36. I worried about the age gap but its been fantastic, they adore each other.

Pregnancy can be more complex later ( I had 3mcs before DS - who knows if my age had anything to do with it). 38 these days isn't too old.

Do it!!

TheCrackFox · 20/05/2010 22:17

38 isn't old.

Just go for it. If you don't at least try you will always kick yourself.

feetheart · 20/05/2010 22:19

There is 15 years between my little sister and I and we definitely have the closest relationship out of all 4 of us.

I was 40 and 43 when I had my two - great pregnancies, healthy babies, lots of fun running around after two active DC
Only thing I'm not looking forward to is being 48 when DS starts Reception in September, managed not to be the oldest Mum when DD started (just) but think I'll get the prize this time

hester · 20/05/2010 22:28

feetheart, I am 46 with a 4-year-old dd and about to adopt an 8 month old baby. I will DEFINITELY be the oldest mum at the school gate - see you there

feetheart · 20/05/2010 22:30

I'll bring the cake

Congratulations on the adoption, bet your DD is excited.

dolphin13 · 20/05/2010 22:33

hester and feetheat, I live in fear of the young mums at the school assuming I am dds nan.

lou4791 · 20/05/2010 22:35

Had another little boy last september after 13 years. They adore each other and I adore being a mummy again. Had 4 miscarriages between them, and just feel so blessed to be doing the baby stuff again.

Ineedsomesleep · 20/05/2010 22:37

You are not too old for a second baby, I had my 2nd at 39 and she is perfectly healthy. Would have DC3 at 42 if I could just get DH to agree.

Don't worry about the large age gap either, I know loads of people with large age gaps and none of them are having any problems with it.

lisalisa · 20/05/2010 22:37

I am 42 and having sixth child - 14 years between oldest and youngest to be. I also second those who say the longest age gaps produce some of the best sibling relatinoshipos - go for it!

Harimo · 20/05/2010 22:39

I had my second child at 38 and didn't consider the risks, not really.

I had my first child at 37.

I also have two step daughters aged 12 and 15.

Sometimes, I am actually quite thankful for the age gap between them as it means less rivalry.

paddingtonbear1 · 20/05/2010 22:44

choccygirl, my mum was one of 4 sisters - there was a 12 year age gap between her (the eldest) and the youngest. When they were very young they didn't have so much in common, but as they got older they were the closest out of all the sisters. The sister close in age to mum, she didn't really get on with! So you never know. I wouldn't worry about your age, honestly, 38 is not old

hester · 20/05/2010 23:01

There is a 23 year age gap between my mum and her brother - is that a MN record?

chesgirlNOTgriffins · 20/05/2010 23:09

I have a 15 year gap between DS1 and DS3 (DS2 is adopted). I had DS3 at 40 and have just had DS4 at 42.

I honestly didnt consider health risks. Its seem (IMO) to be about statistics and statistics mean bugger all to me.

The tricky thing re age gaps is finding stuff that they all want to do. Summer holidays can be a bit of a strain. But now DS1 is 16 he wants to go and do his own thing so that problem didnt last long.

IssiNoho · 21/05/2010 14:49

I had number three when I was thirty eight and already had two teenagers, and it's been fantastic. The older two adore him, there's no jealousy and I love being a more experienced mum (although I'd like the energy I had first time round!).

I think there are lots of reasons not to have a baby but age isn't one of them.

I would second what SpiritualKnot said about being like only children. And when your teenager is ramapaging, it's a relief to deal with all the simple things that a little one needs

Go on! Go for it!

Stangirl · 21/05/2010 16:52

I can't comment on the age gap but I've just had my DD at 41 - am having a wonderful time and am cracking on with trying to get DC2. I also have several friends who have had children post-39 and everything has turned out well.

PacificDogwood · 21/05/2010 16:55

Your decision alone to make, of course.
But:
I had my first child qt 37 and DS4 is now 10 weeks old. I am 44.

And re age gap: Mine are all quite close together and it is hard at times.
With a 12 year age gap you will probably find that it is a bit more like raising 2 single children IYKWIM. Not a bad thing in many respects. And your older DS is unlikely to be not understaning of a tiny baby's needs. He might even be a big help and v proud.

If it feels right for you, go for it IMO.

WidowWadman · 21/05/2010 19:54

My mum was 38 when she had me, my sister was 14 and my brother 3. My sister actually is my Godmother, which is nice.

Firawla · 22/05/2010 00:13

go for it i dont think 38 is old these days anyway. ive not been thru either that age or a big age gap, but still i think any difficulties will be worth having a 2nd to complete your family and hopefully wont be much difficulties anyway.

welshandproud · 22/05/2010 00:28

Another 8 year gap for me between DC1 (when i was 31) and DC2 at 40,DC3 at 41 and DC4 at 42.

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