Right, so how do you discipline your 1 year old???

[shell96]

Ok, my DS has just turned one and is starting to recognise being told No and things he is not allowed to do. We know this because if he is going to do something he is not allowed (eg. poke at the telly, pull over the upright lamp, bash the mirrors) he crawls extra fast to get there before we stop him. Also the last few days he has begun to come and give me cuddle when I tell him off (manipulative little so-and-so )

I have tried telling him NO really sternly, bending down to his eye level and looking him in the eye when i tell him off, repeatedly take him away from whatever he is doing (my patience with this one always runs out before his) or just distracting him with something else.

DP gives him a wee smack on the back of the hand when he is telling him No but I dont like doing this (although I have tried once or twice - totally ineffective!).

Any hints or tips? He is too young for the naughty step but dont know where to start?

Sorry but he is too young for any type of discipline. He is still a baby.

What he is doing is exploring his surroundings in a totally normal and age appropriate manner. Distract him by all means, remove him from whatever the item is but please do not let your partner hit him.

you dont "discipline" 1 year olds

you distract them, and ensure the things its important they dont have are out of reach, and things that are positively dangerous are inaccessable.

and yes you do just say no sternly, and watch as they just do it again....

Praise the good, ignore the bad, distract and save "no" for the really bad stuff.

When DS was a similar age, we discovered that he knew what "no" meant and would stop doing stuff if we said "no". Brilliant, we thought, and said "no" all the time...until it meant nothing anymore. Now I save it for things like hitting, or running off and it has much more impact.

Hitting is cruel and ineffective, as you've found out. Distraction will work much better, though it is much harder work for you.

Of course it is totally ineffective to smack a 1 year old, and cruel, too.

And when he crawls extra fast towards the TV, he isn't responding in a cheeky or manipulative way to having been told 'no', he's doing what his developmental level compels him to do - to keep trying when things deter him. How do you think he will ever learn to walk if he is deterred the first time he falls over and bumps himself?

And when he comes for a cuddle when you have told him 'no' or worse still, smacked him, he is coming for re-assurnace and comfort because he has no notion at all about having done something 'wrong' and being 'told off' - he is just aware that something nasty has happened to him.

Distract him from things he mustn't do, praise good things, ignore bad - and try to get inside the very limited understanding of a small baby and think from his pov. That's what all 'whisperer' techniques are based on.

Don't be silly you don't discipline a baby, poor bloody kid getting a smack.
How awful

kitty what age do you think smacking becomes appropriate then?

OP, I agree with those who say discipline isn't really needed at this age. Just a firm "No" or distraction should be enough.

Shell - We're at the same stage as you by the sound of it. At first 'no'worked very well but now she has realised that she can ignore me if she wants to.

I always say no and then say why what she is doing is wrong and then move her away from the temptation.
She has just started hitting me (it doesn't hurt, she is trying to get attention if I talk with someone else, am doing a chore etc) and our 'discipline' for this is that I put her down explaining that she hit mummy, that it is naughty. I wait for a short time and then pick her back up and all is forgiven. This is just starting to work now as she realises that it happens every time.

I know some friends think its too young, like other posters on here, but I think it lays the groundwork for what we are going to do later. Plus, who can say what is the right age to start encouraging the behaviour you want? Is it at 14 months? 16 months? 18 months?

Tbh you might as well piss in the wind as attempt to discipline a 1 yr old

Greesleeves, I think it becomes more appropriate when they understand what is going on.

Of course it should always be a last resort.

I get very upset when I read on here about people hitting their babies.

I don't think the OP said anything about hitting babies - sounds more like a firm pat to the back of the hand. Clearly not upsetting to the baby as he doesn't react.

Distraction, moving things out of the way that you don't want to them to touch, praising good behaviour and encouraging them in the things you prefer them to do, saying no when appropriate not all the time, keep moving them away if they keep going to somewhere which could be dangerous.
Naughty step for 1 yr olds is crazy, although I do know some people who have done it but really dont think its a good idea to go so ott strict on them, as they are only babies at that age.
Smacking will probably only result in teaching them to hit others, as they will copy the behaviour..

If your patience always runs out before his does, good luck with him being 2 tbh. Identify a few things that are genuinely important (brushing teeth, sunhat, stopping at the edge of the pavement every time?) and save your patience for sticking with those without fail. Otherwise, put stuff out of the way, distract, or don't bother IMO. Our music system is still on the very top shelf where ds can't get at it - except he's six now and can

Don't forget to praise what's gone right. And that includes praising them for stopping if they actually listen to you telling them off.. My neighbours used to hear this sequence a lot: 'DS. STOOOOOOP. GOOD boy for stopping!' they must have been sick of it. Nos should be brief, infrequent but absolute IMO, with lots of positive commentary and praise. HTH

He's not being wilfully disobedient. Wait until he's big enough to master the 'I'm doing this because you told me not to, so there' look before you start thinking about discipline. With a 1 year old sometimes you will spend all day moving them away from things. I used to find showing ds1 something to distract him then making a big fuss of him if he came to me worked much better than just telling him no. You have to learn to pick your battles with little ones otherwise all your time with him will be spent saying no which is no fun for either of you.

Claire - My 1 year old has seriously mastered the 'I'm doing this because you told me not to, so there' look already. The smirk and eye contact she holds whilst doing something naughty, she is such a cheeky monkey!

avoid saying 'no' - you will be amazed at the difference this makes.

maintain zen like calm while child does something dangerous/'naughty'. instead of saying 'no' and drawing their attention to the excitement of this new thing they can now spend half the morning repeating just to make you say 'no' like you are a broken record,. . . instead of that, pick them up and pretend you've just seen something incredibly exciting outside the window, for example. I personally would do this at this age even for dangerous stuff like playing with plugs - I'm not saying let them play with plugs - not at all - but by saying 'no' and reacting, at that age it's a bit like saying 'wow look at this cool thing here - why don't you go and play with it endlessly and watch me go purple and jump up and down shouting'

distract, divert.

You can't discipline a 1 year old.

I'm only just getting round to it with my 3 year old, as she's only beginning to understand consequences.

I am frankly bemused at anyone who thinks smacking, naughty steps or anything like that will possibly have any effect on a 1 year old.

as the others said, keep saying 'no', but choose your battles and save it for the important/dangerous stuff. Eg, I used to let DD pull the books off the shelf, pull the plastic containers out of the botton kitchen cupboard etc, as it wasn't doing any harm - but I'd tell her 'no' for things like pulling the cat's tail, poking electric sockets etc.

Keep things you don't want him to touch out of his reach as much as possible.

As far as when/how to start disciplining, I would say from 12 months-ish just say 'no', and move them away, from 18 months maybe give a little explanation of why it is bad, and as soon as they have the language capacity/understanding explain why it was bad and get them to say sorry, especially if it involved hurting someone else eg snatching/pushing another child. For the naughty step I think they have to be at least 2 to understand it.

Oh, and instead of 'no' you can vary your language, eg 'don't do that', 'that's mummy's phone, it's not a toy', 'we don't throw books'....etc etc In fact one of my constant phrases was 'not for Polly', and now DD age 2 will point at forbidden things and say 'not for Polly' (or when she's being cheeky her toys are 'not for mummy'!)

And please don't let your DP smack him, even if it's just a little slap it's a slippery slope, and your child will only start copying soon.

Discipline is much more than just punishment and you don't need to focus on that - step away from it.

The object is to stop the baby/child from doing something which is dangerous or creates a problem for others, yes? Discouraging it by associating it with punishment is unlikely to work at this age because although some babies understand cause and effect at age 1, they do not always know what action caused the effect, and they definitely can't be expected to apply adult logic to a situation. I would say the easiest way to do this at this age is to prevent the situation from happening in the first place. So like you would install stairgates and fireguards for safety, you can move things like phones and felt tips out of their reach or block things like the TV with other items of furniture.

XP smacked DS' hand at 10 months because he crawled on him and pinched as he was holding on he cried but then went on to do the same thing again - how could he possibly have understood? The thing is that everything they are doing is new to them, so if you punish them or just say "No" they don't have any idea what you are telling them is wrong - they don't know if it's touching that button, reaching with one arm, crawling a particular way, looking at something.

disagree that he is too young for any discipline

my 1yo has learnt not to do the things that gets a 'no' and removal from the area. One 'no', picked up and plonked down (gently) in the middle of the sitting room. Then straight away we're back to normal and he can have a cuddle or play or whatever - too young for drawn out punishments, they wont remember why they're being punished

I don't over use 'no' it is saved for a small amount of situations (to do with safety) and used consistently (don't let him away with it one day and say no the next). Anything that can be solved with removing him or an item is done that way rather than with discipline

he does sometimes have days when he re-tests the boundaries, but for the most part he definitely has learnt what not to do

I think its good to establish that 'no' means 'stop right now' early on so you can stop them in their tracks in dangerous situations when there might be a few seconds delay till you actually physically get to them to remove the from the dangerous situation

But smacking a one year old is horrible, nip that in the bud now!

I'm sorry. But all you soppy oh god she HITS the baby people on the post. Only a few years ago it was aloud and it worked VERY VERY well. Since this has stopped these last few generations have become little terrors. I have seen many many kids back chatting their parents, telling them to F off etc and the parent can't do anything about it other than say go to the naughty step and then after a while it's oh its only a few minutes on the step, whatever, I'll do it again when I'm aloud off the step.
Giving the child a tap on the back of the hand (which I have also done) is a massive difference to 'hitting' your child.
For god sakes teachers were aloud to cane the students and sure as hell did it work!! Students now lock teachers in cupboards, steal from there handbag and make teachers cry (I've seen this all my self- I was in school 4 years ago) because the teacher can't say or do anything back. Stupid stupid world.

And me posting what I just have does not mean I Beat my child. A mere tap on the back of the hand that they just laugh off anyway...

If you feel like a broken record with no, we started using 'stop' for things that weren't immediately dangerous but we didn't want (eg emptying bookshelves). Our nanny used to work in a nursery and she started playing music and suddenly pausing while staying 'stop' and holding up her hand - DS picked up really quickly, and it's been a godsend.

Now we can call it out quickly if he's wandering a bit far, for example (can't say it's 100%, but at least he pauses!), and the hand alone is much calmer than forever feeling like the 'no police'. Before he could talk it was also helpful for him, he'd signal stop if something was uncomfortable or if he was full

I'm also generally with the idea it's too young to really discipline and definitely wouldn't smack - but also think it's not too young to have some expectations around what is and isn't okay in the house, and most importantly for the adults to model the right behaviours (which is one of the many reasons I think that smacking is not a good idea).

For a gentle and positive but firm book, I really liked the Good Behaviour Book by Dr Sears.