Right, so how do you discipline your 1 year old???

[shell96]

Ok, my DS has just turned one and is starting to recognise being told No and things he is not allowed to do. We know this because if he is going to do something he is not allowed (eg. poke at the telly, pull over the upright lamp, bash the mirrors) he crawls extra fast to get there before we stop him. Also the last few days he has begun to come and give me cuddle when I tell him off (manipulative little so-and-so )

I have tried telling him NO really sternly, bending down to his eye level and looking him in the eye when i tell him off, repeatedly take him away from whatever he is doing (my patience with this one always runs out before his) or just distracting him with something else.

DP gives him a wee smack on the back of the hand when he is telling him No but I dont like doing this (although I have tried once or twice - totally ineffective!).

Any hints or tips? He is too young for the naughty step but dont know where to start?

So how on earth does it work 'VERY VERY' well then? The answer is it doesn't. Positive reinforcement is much more effective than punishment.

Teachers that have to resort to physically hurting children in order to get them to obey them are simply bad teachers. That's not to say that there aren't challenging and poorly parented children, of course there are and always have been but teachers, like parents should have a range of tools to manage them, not simply reach for the cane.

Have only skim read the thread - don't think anyone has mentioned Dr Laura Markham's site, aha parenting yet. OP, have a read, it's a wonderful free resource.

Agree with the posters who say he's just a little baby. Spend more time trying to work out what your child is trying to SAY with his behaviour (even if it's just, 'I'm curious about this'), and then think about how you can help things to happen differently.

At one year old you redirect and make sure he isn't surrounded by things he isn't allowed to touch.

Smacking, tapping, and patting when used to cause distress are hitting and are entirely inappropriate.

If the child doesn't notice the hitting because it is 'gentle' it is pointless anyway.

You need to introduce the word "No" in order for him to learn that it means "Don't do that". He will learn this because, as he gets older, he will begin to recognise a pattern of you disapproving and moving him away from that activity.

Discipline should be about communication, not punishment. Children who have been beaten black and blue still break the rules if the boundaries are unclear and the communication is ineffective. Children who are given clear, firm, reasonable, consistent boundaries rarely need sanctions.

No children need to be hit, ever, whatever words you use in order to sanitise it.

Talk through communication, distraction and redirection with your DH and decide together how you are going to use these to manage your DS's behaviour but don't expect him to respond before he is able to understand.

You can teach a one year old to say (or sign) please, thank you, hello, goodbye and teach them when it's right to say these. You can teach them to stop, to come to you etc. You can teach them to sit still, for when that's necessary, not to scream for when it's important to be quieter. It's about teaching them their place in the world - that they are loved and valued but not the centre of the universe. Discipline is like gradual teaching, just how to behave in a way that works for the whole family.

I get very upset when I read on here about people hitting their babies.

Stop being dramatic kitty - nobody said anything about 'hitting babies' FFS!

DP gives him a wee smack on the back of the hand when he is telling him No

This is someone hitting a baby.

Arabella so what does smacking on the back of a hand do? if it's not hitting, then how does it work, what is it communicating to a baby? The only thing I understand by smacking, however gently, is physical admonishment. It doesn't logically represent anything else, surely.

I found No had the opposite effect on DD.

At this age I'd say distraction, and physical removal if that doesn't work.

Once a bit older, I'd still say avoid no. It seems to work better to emphasise what you DO want her to do and use a different phrase than No. For example "being gentle, not hitting" rather than "no hitting" or "step back, leave it alone" rather than "no touching"

FWIW I'm not totally anti smacking but don't think it will have any positive effect at all at this age and in these circumstances.

'Manipulative little so and so".

REALLY? A one year old? This makes me sad and angry in equal measure. This poor baby.

I didn't.

someone who is 12 months old is not someone you can discipline.

You guide. you teach. You do the hand on hand thing. You physically shift them. etc

At that age, it's about showing them the world and keeping them safe in it. Saying "no" or "no touching", moving them away from stuff. Getting the basics in and starting through repetition to build up their understanding of what they can and can't do. Discipline comes later. You can't discipline a 12 month old because they are simply too young to understand cause and effect. You are basically punishing them for being 12 months old.

well you teach discipline

So cleaning teeth, being kind and gentle, how to cuddle, etc.
all the things that you feel a 1 year old should be starting to learn.
teaching them about danger would be a good one.

DD is 13 months- distraction, remove her from the situation, find positive things she can do instead- join in with the fun/good/allowed things, she's more likely to keep doing them then! (Can get very boring..)

Mumma, if they laugh the tap on the hand off then surely it's ineffective as well as unnecessary?!

Exactly. Either it doesn't hurt and isn't frightening, so is pointless. Or it does hurt, and is frightening, so is horrible.

OP - all 1 year olds are naturally curious. It's easy to interpret their desire and need to explore as being 'naughty' but it really isn't! It's normal, healthy behaviour.
If in danger then a 'no' with is useful but as others have said, distraction and removing them from the situation / object is really best. Little ones this age seek a reaction from adults and don't really distinguish an angry response from an excited one v easily. Re hitting etc the best tactic is saying no in a clear, calm voice with no shouting and a neutral expression. Explain 'we don't hit' and 'mummy is sad because you hit'. If you shout you'll just escalate and encourage the behaviour in my experience. And hitting the child is totally wrong and sends mixed messages too. Nothing wrong with putting them to sit on a chair and ignoring them for a a minute or two as a consequence. Then ask them to say sorry, hug them, and move on.
Please believe me, everything is a phase. My son went through a biting phase around 18mths. It ended naturally and I never needed to hit him and never will.

I'd recommend getting a decent book on child development and understanding children's behaviour. Babies are not just small adults. There's often this feeling that amongst parents that the child is being less than perfect (in adult terms) and the parent must do something to make it stop. Parenting is a long journey. Teaching is an on-going process. There's no magic wand that makes an infant suddenly completely compliant according to the parents' standards. Discipline (in the teaching sense) is a drip drip effect. It's rare to see instant results and parents ought not to expect them. At this stage your job is to keep your baby safe. Move hazards. Make his environment baby friendly or supervise and accept that he is going to find all sorts of things interesting and not be able to differentiate between what are his toys and what is not to be touched.

I used lots of distraction and praising the behaviour I wanted to see repeated at that stage. Well, maybe a bit older. At one year old I was still finding nearly everything my baby did delightful. I did use a travel cot as a play pen so I could pit them in a safe place to play when I was otherwise occupied - so that might have helped.

Poor Daisy with her mumma who can't spell but hits her! I'm with the one who said adapt your language. It doesn't have to be 'no'. It can be 'turn around', 'come over here' or 'put ot back down'.

Oops! 'put it back down'.

OP's child is five now. Hopefully she figured it out.

Oops!

Well spotted thatstoast!

Arrgghhh!
who keeps on digging these fuckers up and HOW do they not notice the ruddy massive warning saying this is a zombie thread?

I never think to check if a thread in active convos was actually started this decade

who keeps on digging these fuckers up

Mumma2Daisy, in this case, for her MN debut. Calling for teachers to be 'aloud' to cane kids and goodness knows what.

I wonder if MNHQ could arrange for the zombie thread warning to stick around even after there are a few new posts? I never think to look at the date of the original OP even though it would be very sensible to do so.

Or maybe after threads are brought back from Zombieland, the Zombie warning should appear before the new post?

I don't think you can see the zombie thread warnings when you are using the app.