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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving a toddler alone in a car for ten minutes

88 replies

DitaVonCheese · 05/05/2010 13:33

I am new to this parenting lark so not sure whether this is a bad thing or I'm just being judgey - perfectly prepared to accept I am

Anyway, DD and I were at soft play this morning. As we were getting back into the car, another car parked alongside us. A bloke got out and I assumed that we were going to have to do some awkward squeezing as he got his DS out as well, but he just mumbled "Jus' be a minute", presumably to me and ducked into the bowling alley next door instead. He did lock his car door but the seat belt got caught in it so it wasn't closed properly. DD then refused to get into her car seat so we were there for a little while, plus I didn't really want to leave the other child alone Bloke was gone ust under 10 minutes. Unless they have radically changed the layout of the bowling alley since I was last there (about 15 years ago to be fair), you can't see the car park from inside.

I freely admit that I have occasionally left DD in the car alone since getting her in and out can be a nightmare, especially if we're not stopping long, but only where I can see the car and I RUN like a demon so have left her for probably 90 seconds max. She is my PFB though

Was I right to be a bit unsettled about bloke leaving his DS (didn't peer right in or anything but he looked around 18 months-ish, strapped in a car seat) or is this fine?

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pipoca · 05/05/2010 19:14

so ilovesprouts how would you ever get any petrol here in Spain for example where there is never any option but to go in and pay? WHAT is going to happen if they are strapped in and you can see them and you're away a few minutes?

seashore · 05/05/2010 19:20

I cannot understand this at all, people seem to take better care of their purse/wallet than their children. It is just such a stupid thing to do, no situation calls for leaving a child alone.

Please don't all pounce on me now. I am just shocked at the causal attitude here. I don't mean when paying for petrol, I mean leaving them in the car and heading off, even if it is a quiet village.

ilovesprouts · 05/05/2010 20:19

pipoca like i said read my post right

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LadyBiscuit · 05/05/2010 20:24

I can never understand why people think it's safer to drag their toddlers across a petrol forecourt than leave them in the car

I'm another one who does it regularly but I wouldn't leave a child for more than a few minutes

mumofmonsters · 05/05/2010 20:26

I don't drive so can't properly comment but i won't let DH leave them in the car. There has been more than one incident of car jacking round here with children still in the car.

sallyJayGorce · 05/05/2010 20:33

He went into a bowling alley? This sounds like a Tarantino film. Or The Big Lebowski.

LadyBiscuit · 05/05/2010 20:36

You can't carjack my car - it won't start when it's locked.

Rockbird · 05/05/2010 20:36

I leave DD in the car at the petrol station often as I pop in for bread etc most days. It's always locked and the car is in sight. 10 minutes is a bit much though and I wouldn't leave her where I couldn't see the car.

sallyJayGorce · 05/05/2010 20:37

You wouldn't want to carjack my car when my kids are in it.

NonnoMum · 05/05/2010 20:38

Just to warn you (have posted about this previously). My DH did this for about 5 mins (toddler and 4 year old - he ran into a shop to buy some breakfast), a few days after I'd had DC3; it was reported to the police and I ended up with a visit from the community officer and had to hand over all sort of details, kids' DoB, GP etc.

sallyJayGorce · 05/05/2010 20:45

BAck to the bowling alley - was he just popping in for a quick game?

angel886 · 05/05/2010 21:03

I left dd in the car whilst I paid for petrol once and I felt sooooo guilty. I was only a minute and I could see her the whole time.

I always take her with no matter how much trouble. Having said that, DH usually fills my car up for me and I either walk to local shops or go whilst dd is whilst dd is at home with DH or at my mum's.

Original poster

DitaVonCheese · 05/05/2010 21:13

I know my SIL never leaves her DD in the car while she pays for petrol (and I think she was a bit shocked that I did) but DD in question was still in a first car seat at the time, thus easily removable, plus I've recently discovered that the petrol place nearest to them is pay at the pump.

Bowling alley is slightly Tarantino! After a thread on here recently I was wondering whether he was going in to play fruit machines or something ... Just seemed so random.

So should I mention his car reg to anyone or just mind my own business? Also can't help wondering whether his DW knows/approves (my DH is way more protective than I am, but men generally seem to be a little more relaxed in their parenting ime )

OP posts:

petisa · 05/05/2010 22:46

I leave dd to pay for petrol, go to the atm and while I take the shopping into the house.

I would never leave her for 10 mins out of sight thhough, and I certainly won't be leaving her when she learns to open her car seat buckle.

rasputin · 05/05/2010 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clary · 05/05/2010 22:52

See I normally agree with seeker but this does sound a bit...casual...

FWIW I never left mine inthe car at this age. Not sure why not tho really as apparently ( at self) it is fine now they are 10, 8, 7. Now they can take off seatbelts, get into front, take off handbrake, open car doors etc...

Guess they wouldn't tho. But what would they do at 18mo??? I think it's the time and the not being able to see that makes it a bit unsettling.

But no no way report to police, really no need for that. IMO.

chiccadee · 05/05/2010 23:10

Am with LadyBiscuit - how can anyone think that it is safer to drag a toddler across a busy petrol forecourt than to leave them in the (locked) car while you go and pay at the kiosk?? The mind boggles.

I leave my 18mo DS in the car outside our village shop, or if I know I am going to be no more than 2/3 mins and where I can see him. I also leave him in the car to sleep on our driveway (again, in sight) but then we do live up a quiet private road.

Back to the question, 10 mins is a little long for my liking but it's hardly a pitchforking offence.

pippop1 · 06/05/2010 09:46

I didn't buy any petrol (sent DH out) for about ten years unless I was on my own. I understand not everyone has that option.
Think of this scenario: You leave your locked car somewhere with the children inside. Something happens to you e.g. run over, faint, break leg. No one knows that you have a car with children in it and you are unconcious. What happens next?

Rockbird · 06/05/2010 10:01

It's all about odds though. The majority of things that could happen to you would still leave you able to mutter that your baby was in the car. You might be killed or knocked unconscious but the odds are pretty low. Certainly lower than some eejit in a souped up Vauxhall Nova using the garage forecourt like Silverstone.

pipoca · 06/05/2010 10:04

I'm talking about leaving them where you can see them for minutes at a time. I really don't think that makes me a bad parent. I see ilovesprouts doesn't drive so I don¡t suppose she ever has to decided whether to break down on the side of the road for lack of petrol or stop and get some, and therefore leave DC where she can see them and other people would work out that there was a child alone in a car if she collapsed on a petrol station forecourt.
I wouldn't leave DS out of sight or for more than a couple of minutes, but I DO buy petrol while he's in the car (he's 2 and can't open the buckle). I reall don't think that's a parenting crime.

seeker · 06/05/2010 10:44

If you were killed or knocked unconscious,the chances are that any child you had with you would be killed or knocked unconscious too - particularly if you were carrying it!

seeker · 06/05/2010 11:32

Has this made people disappear in a puff of reason, or has everyone just gone out to vote?

Oblomov · 06/05/2010 11:48

Let it go seeker. Tis not worth trying to convert the unconvertable

darcymum · 06/05/2010 11:54

I can't believe how many people take their children with them when they go to pay for petrol at the kiosk just in case they drop down dead on the way!

TurtleAnn · 06/05/2010 11:58

Before I had a baby I would have said 'shoot him' but now I think we have to be way more tolerant. I can think of a millions circumstances when this would now be 'acceptable'. I live in London, so I would be more worried about my car being stolen with my son inside, hence only leaving him inside to pay for petrol as others have said.
I have sat outside my own house, in the car for 1-hour while my son had his nap in the car seat because waking him would have ruined both our days. I swear my neighbours thought I was casing their joints.

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