What age can you leave alone in the house

[darcymum]

My children are all very little ages 4.5, 3 and 20 months. The shop in my village is just over 1 minutes walk away, what age would you leave the eldest child alone in the house while I ran to the shop?

She does still get upset sometimes about going to preschool, just sometimes, everywhere else is fine now though.

I think she is too little at the moment even though I feel 99% sure she would be fine. I am too scared to leave her, at 5 or 6 though I will nip to the shop (probably running at first!). She is very pleased with herself when she does something 'grown up' when we have to cross the road now I tell her she's in charge and she has to tell us when its safe to cross, which she does with a big grin on her face. When we went on holiday just before she was 4 we let her walk ahead of us to the playground (about 100 meters away, no cars or anything)or walk back on her own if I was at the playground and DH was in the house. She still talks about being able to do that.

I knew I would be criticised on MN as irresponsible but I do think children are given too little freedom and am willing to buck the trend.

Most of you seem to think that children are not overprotected these days, so maybe I am wrong.

SHE'S 4 AND A HALF!!! SHE DOESN'T NEED FREEDOM AT 4 ADN A HALF - SHE NEEDS LOOKING AFTER

darcymum, fwiw I agree with you re freedom and overprotection. My oldest is 11 now and I have thought many times that it's a shame there aren't more like-minded parents about so that our DCs can have a small taste of the freedom that we enjoyed - safety in numbers and all that. I have to say, I definitely wouldn't be leaving her alone until she could read competently and operate a telephone successfully - you could then leave a list of contact numbers for her to call in an emergency. Probably Y3 I reckon. But in reality, she's going to watch the TV and barely register you've gone for 3 minutes .

Trouble is, so many of these threads fail to take account of the OP's individual situation. One person's 1.5 min run walk to a shop on the same side of the road with kind neighbours all around in a rural village is not the same as another's corner shop over a busy city road with strangers for neighbours.

Darcymum I'm with you.

I think we are all too hypocritical these days. We don't let play outside of their own garden, yet we hand them over to child minders and the like that we have known for 5 minutes? We put them in air conditioned, airbagged cars surrounded by foam car seat thingies and SIP systems, yet we place them, from sitting, on the back of a bike, or indeed in trailers protected only by canvas?! We bombard them with sexualised images from a thousand different tv channels and yet we expect them to be children for as long as possible.

The post about the 12 y o who didn't know what to do with the courier sums it up really. At 12, you should really be able to handle that situation, but if you had spent 12 years under constant supervision and then got a pep talk about the 1st time home alone, it's no wonder he dissolved. Growing up should be natural and child led. As soon as they feel ready I say go for it!

I want to reword the last sentence...As soon as they feel ready and you do to I say go for it!

I've just remember one child in Y5 when DS was in Y1. She used to walk about 20m behind DD on the wa to school. she would hide if DD looked back and when DD turned a corner she would run to catch up and then watch her walk up to the school, same thing when she got to the school gate. It really was a most ridiculous display, this girl was walking with friends and had obviously begged her mum for the right to do it. I can't imagine how that made her feel.

"4 is a baby" I think thats part of the problem though inthesticks 4 isn't a baby.

Absolutely. One mum I know describes her 4yo as 'a dot'. How awful. I want to scream SHE'S NOT A DOT, SHE'S A PERSON!

"One person's 1.5 min run walk to a shop on the same side of the road with kind neighbours all around in a rural village"

I live in exactly that sort of village goldenticket.

At 12 I would not have been sure what to do with the courier as I presume they had been been told to never open the door to a stranger. It is difficult o speak to the courier through a closed door and it is quite a responsibility if asked to sign for a parcel which is either not expected or damaged in transit.
I'm not saying that the poster was wrong, just that it shows how much there is to think about.
I grew up with more freedom and always wondered why it was not acceptable to leave a child at home - but parents did not need to know where their children were if they were playing out with friends.

Yes I agree, but a courier at th door shouldn't be scary...just simply call mum and ask what to do, not go and hide. It's just so sad that thats how scared our children are of the world now.
When a new family moved in over the road, DS was horrfied that a teenager was moving in! Why? Because teenager run around in gangs and are scary Time to turn OFF the BBC methinks!

We have an extra dimension to this situation on the rare occasions it has occurred. DD is nearly 4 and would never be left alone - but when staying with my parents I rate my Mum as competent and my Dad as not (dementia) so the situation has occurred when DD refused to get deressed and walk to the shop with Grandma because she was watching a TV program. Mum left her with Grandad also in the house. It was only 2 or 3 mins and she never moved from the TV but I was surprised and a bit uncomforatable when she told me. I suppose it really isn't that different from hanging washing in the garden etc.

I also agree with Darcymum. I really don't think the hysteria surrounding children and giving them some freedom is at all warranted. I left DD alone briefly whilst popping to shops from when she was five. She was fine. She's now 9 and I feel happy leaving her at home alone for up to an hour whilst I walk down to the shops. She's level headed, can use a phone and we have neighbours that she could go to if needed.

I'm also hoping that she'll soon start walking to school on her own.

I think wrapping children up in cotton wool does them no favours in terms of them learning how to operate in the real world.

I had this problem when I was a nanny by boss wanted me to leave the biggest one two 12 and 14 on their own why I went out with the younger one she also said I could leave the 6 year old if I wanted two. I was uncomfortable with this so I called the nspcc to ask for advice of legal age ect. I was told their is no legal age that a child can be left on their own. But it something goes wrong and a child gets hurt the last adult to have been with them would be responsible.( could face criminal charges) I would say it depends on the child what they are doing at the time. Girls are more sensible. I started sending my daughter to the shop round the corner on the same side of the road when she was seven.
Leaving children on their own you also need to bear in mind your chances of getting hurt (knocked down on a road ect) and how people would know where the children were.

Do you mean the mum would follow her child to school hiding springythingy?

Yes, she would walk about 20m behind and hide if DD looked back! Then when DD was out of sight she would run to catch up and continue hiding???

I live in the 'sticks'. I know all the neighbours in my road. I reckon it is about a minute's walk to the post box. I wouldn't leave my ds (6 in the summer) alone even though I know he is sensible. Maybe I'm overprotective but in my world it is known as parenting.

Obviously up to you what you do with your children and from your posts I wonder why you have even posed the question when clearly your mind was made up already.

I would pmsl if that wasn't so sad.

The poor child, that must have been so humiliating.

I haven't made up my mind, except that I do think she is too young at the moment, I just don't know at what age I will leave her. I want it to be soon (in the next year to 18 months) but am scared. I think not allowing her to do things like this though, walk to school etc because I am too scared would be putting my needs and feelings ahead of hers.

I just think they let you know when they're ready. It's telling that there is no law surrounding it.
Incidently, DS (10) is flying solo to America in the summer to meet my sis at the other end. He is so cool and calm about it (BA chaperone him at the airport and inflight) but I have faced so much criticism from other mums.
He wouldn't feel up to doing it if I hadn't let go of the apron strings a bit a lot earlier. It will be an experience that he will never forget. (I however will not sleep until he is back in my arms!)
Now, what was the film where the blue fish said "How can you promise nothing will happen to him? Unless he never does anything?"

I don't understand why you want your child to feel "grown up" or to have all this freedom. Why? Why is their a need for 5 and 6yo to grow up quickly?

I enjoy collecting DD from school. We have a chat together apart her day. She doesn't need to walk home on her own, even though she is - shock, horror, 8y.

Also, in the past a generation ago, not all children had this excess of freedom as some suggested. IME parents had the same discussions to an extent and many children were not roaming the streets in their toddlerhood or at young ages. I know of many children, myself includedm who didn;t play on the street until after first school (so would be 7/8y at least).

IMO 4y is a baby. Or not much more than a baby anyway. Ypu only have to see them coming into school for their frist days of reception to see how tiny and little and innocent they are.

Wjy would someone not want to see a little 4y as a mere baby?

A 4y needs protecting and caring for and looking after, not freedom.