oops - got our first night's sleep - realised had turned the monitor off all night by mistake

[stuckperson]

Hello - just wanting to vent as my 8month old DS would not look at me this morning...
He is in his own room but has been a frequent waker and has never slept through since he was born. It has been awful! Last night I put some music on via his monitor to settle him, turned the monitor down.
This am realised that by mistake had turned it right down to silent.
Poor thing must have been crying and crying. True if he had been really upset the noise would have escalated and we would have heard. But he tends to have a quiet cry.
Poor thing am feeling terribly guilty. We were thinking of doing cc at some point out of necessity leaving it for increasing intervals.
But this way was a bit extreme!
(I guess I am feeling a bit overwhelmed as going back to work soon, earlier than expected and feeling guilty at that, is making me feel guilty at everything!)

Anyone reassure me that what happened is not too terrible? He has started talking to me again this am after about an hour refusing to make eye contact!

(Just to add was moved into his own room at 6months - thinking that might help his sleep but it didn't)

It's fine. Really. If he'd needed you you'd have heard him.

It happens - please don't beat yourself up about it any more. As you said yourself, if he had been that upset you would have heardhim.

I hope you feel better for a good night's sleep.

Thanks all.
Yes, the sleep has really helped!
It has been a hard few months since he was born - motherhood was not what I expected - and I just want to make the most of our time left now - and accept that this is how life is. We have various groups staring next week with the new term and hopefully that will help.
Really appreciate the supportive replies!

Could be that, albeit unwittingly, you have put him on the road to sleeping through. Maybe see how it works tonight if you don't go to him immediately - he may settle himself. In any event you won't have done him any serious harm, and your proper night's sleep will have done you the world of good. I'm v.

Stuck person - seriously, he would have let you know if he wanted you. Please don't feel guilty.

We never used a baby monitor.
Our DD is a brilliant sleeper. Slept through very early.

If she really yelled, I could hear her. All the "mm, mm yurg, nnn, muh, duh duh" stuff they do is a normal part of the sleep/wake cycle and rushing it at that point actually wakes them rather than lets them settle themselves back down.

Yes, I guess it was the crash course version of controlled crying?! Ok not feeling guilty any more!! And pleased that I now have the energy to have a nice day together!!

Don't feel bad - honest mistake. I presume you'll turn the monitor up again tonight, but if he starts to cry, don't rush to him too quickly because you feel bad about last night; he might settle down on his own.

It wasn't the way you intended to do it, but if you have inadvertently sleep-trained him, well that's not such a bad result.

You're not alone in having found the first months of motherhood a bit of a trial, believe me. Get out as much as possible, and be confident that it does get much easier.

Thanks Miggsie, just seen your post. I read about that in the No cry sleep solution book and was trying to ignore, but he was still in our room.
Then we moved him and he then got cold after cold so I had been rushing in - plus was a bit anxious as he was no longer next to me.
I think had just got stuck in that habit.
So you are right, it's probably a good thing in the long run.
Thanks all so much for supportive messages you have really helped!

And thanks going spare too just saw your post too! Will hold back from rushing in again tonight, good point!

I did that once - best thing I ever did. It is indeed the trick to a decent night's sleep. If he was really upset you would have known (well am assuming he is not in the East wing while you are in the West).

And ps I found the first 6-8 months very hard work but it gets better, honest

You would have heard him if he were really upset.

And he is not ignoring you. He cannot remember what happened during the night, you are projecting that on to him because you feel guilty.

He is fine. You are fine. Have a lovely day and enjoy the time with him today. First year is hard but it gets easier.

Don't feel guilty. With our second child, we got rid of the monitor, on the basis that if he needed attention he'd make himself heard and we didn't need to rush in for every little whimper. It helped a lot, he slept well and was still comforted when needed. Sleep is good for children, we forget this sometimes I think.

none of my friends could believe I didn't have a baby monitor! I also survived without buying a microwave, another thing I was told was "essential" for having kids.

Gosh... no need to have the monitor on at night! They all whimper a bit in their sleep - if you rush in to comfort him then he'll never adjust to the idea that he just drifts back off to sleep on his own.

I remember reading in Christopher Green's book 'Toddler Taming' that we all wake about every 45 mins - 1 hour through the night. But hopefully we're not really aware of it.

Much better to allow him to settle on his own unless he is really upset and starts crying loudly.

My DD sleeps in the same room as us. She is the nosiest sleep and I find myself lying awake all night. So I've started to put ear plugs in, just enough to block out the little moans and winges. If she cries really hard I hear her. And you would definately have heard your DS if he had been really upset

i didn't have a monitor either, you soon wake up if they're genuinely wanting you.

Aww bless you stuckperson, it was a mistake, don't worry!

I have looked at dh and said 'ooh it's all quiet, dd most be snoozing away happily' only to go to the loo an hour later and be set upon by dd, who has taken inventory of every toy she owns and arranged them neatly on the landing, asking what I am doing, can she sit on my lap while I have a wee, is it morning yet, can I have some toast etc etc etc.

I had blocked ears once and did the same thing. Woke up very refreshed and somewhat guilty! DD started sleeping through from that point.

Good luck tonight.

We don't have a monitor either, but there is no way I wouldn't hear him if he needed us. I am quite jealous of people who have houses big enough to require monitors!

This is exactly how dd2 (and us) started sleeping through the night

gawd dont beat yourself up it was on honest mistake and i'm sure he forgot about it by about lunchtime. agree with others that it might actually help in the longrun

Just wanted to report back.... had a much better night last night...!! Hoping it continues!!! Thanks for all the supportive posts yesterday