Parenting more than 1 - good views desperately needed

[Wills]

Having a seriously bad day. I've been reading a book on moving from 1 child to 2 and to be honest its really really depressing. I've read most of it (being a sucker for punishment) mainly because whilst being depressing it also makes some good points that I'd not thought of however I've now given up because am feeling really very blue. The authors goes to great odds to say that moving from 1 child to 1+ is far far harder than having one. I'm not being nieve, blimey pregnancy itself has been hard, you can't slow down because there's always another one running around but in the book she talks about loosing your sense of being a person etc. I'm really looking forward to meeting this little one and do accept that there will be a time when I am stunningly shattered but she never talks about there being any good times! All she talks about is tiredness, not attaching to the secondborn/falling out of love with firstborn, sibling rivarlry, no time with partner and high instances of divorce, PND etc etc etc As you can probably guess I could really do with some positive feedback

tinyfeet, honestly, you don't need to spend this much time worrying about going out - it will just happen. You will need milk, a friend will invite you somewhere, dd will want to go to the park - it might be winter, but not every day is bleak!

If it helps - sometimes I need a bit of encouragement too (ie a kick up the bum!) try to actually arrange things , eg playdate/group & have definitel arrangements with someone, so you have a goal & a reason to go out. (plus a time deadline (flexibleish so you don't get too stressed if you're 10 mins late) or you'll be faffing about forever!)

Wills - am reading the same book (know this from one of your previous posts) and know what you mean.

I think the one good thing to come from it is that it is helping me come to realise that number 2 baby is not number 1 again.

It might be a girl (!), it might be a rubbish sleeper (!), it might be rubbish eater (!). As you can tell I have a pretty easy time of it at the moment woth DS (touch wood) and I just thought of him times 2.

Just to say RA is also talking complete bollocks about how the second destroys your pelvic floor, and your figure. I can pee (and stop peeing) on demand, and obviously although I am Missis Fat and Flabby at the moment, I am noticeably less fat than I was at this stage last time. So ner.

Lucky you MI!

Number 1 wrecked my pelvic floor What is number 2 going to do to it?!

Glad to hear that motherinferior, my pelvic floor is fine atm and I'd like to hope it will be after this one too. Thanks for the offer of emailing you on the home birth thread, will do!

pelvic floor is damaged during second stage (pushing) - the longer you push for the more kegels you need to do afterwards! with the second there is no or minimal pushing compared to the first, so I found my pelvic floor bounced back quicker. do have to do the kegels from moment 1 after the birth, though. also helps stitches/tear heal as by doing them you are encouraging more blood to flow to the area and therefore help healing...

Doing exercises - from the antenatal pilates I go on about so enthusiastically - although they do make the wretched tear hurt, I have to say. Am necking down the painkillers and antibiotics. But enough of my private grief about my privates!

www - jealous - mine is ok but not brilliant. Its got down hill during the pregnancy!

Must have been the 5 hours of second stage then princesspea

Am aiming for minimal pushing this time although I don't know what'll hold it in anyway !

gem13! 5 hours!
I was told during my antenatal classes that you should never push for more than an hour in second stage without demanding to see a doctor - and on no account push for more than about an hour and a half otherwise you'd destroy your pelvic floor...

not that there is much point in telling you that now. god, sounds like a nightmare, poor you

I know that now

Trouble was I was at a midwife led birthing centre and I think (according to another MW not from there) that they were waiting to see if I could get him out without having to transfer me to hospital.

DS had his head up by his head (not sure if it was by his ear or whether it was behind his head) and was well and truly stuck. Plus he was 9'11 and very long...

Got to hospital and had ventouse then forceps and 3rd degree tear.

It was so awful that here I am feeling queasy with number 2 and DS isn't a year yet! Have taken the view that childbirth is like surviving a car crash - you have to get back in a car to get over the fear. That, and DS is fantastic

Am hoping the next one comes with just one push but will be checking out the hypnotherapy line of defence too.

Gem13 - like you said "don't know what'll hold it in anyway" - everything has stretched before, so 2nd time around it all stretches faster. I was a mess after no1, and also dreaded the tought of what no2 would do to me and my precious bits, but (oh joy!) no2 seems somehow to have rearranged my downstairs so that I actually have fewer problems then after no1! I haven't a clue how this happened, but it seems that it's not uncommon, from what I've read on other threads over the last year or two.

Thanks for that really encouraging news. I'd only thought about it getting worse, too much to hope it might get better!

Well nanny has left and today I did my first solo journey with DS1 ( 23 months ) and DS2 ( 5 weeks ). Totally new experience as I have not even been looking after DS1 full time, because I have been working full time.

We survived, it did take an hour to persuade DS1 to get into his buggy, but when we were out it was fine - DS2 slept all the way through as I had fed him before we went out. Actually it was great, we went to my gym which has a soft play area - we danced, giggled, i chased him.....

Both boys asleep and feeling great !!

Just to add +ve vibes. Have 2 ds (3 & 14 weeks), today ds1 was sick, and I mean sick so was off preschool, ds2 was grumpy, but it really didn't seem hat bad.

I still made tomato sauce for tea, and did three loads of washing and ironing.

What are these moms of one kid doing all day

I had no probs with pelvic floor with either pregnancy, and with the second I lost all the weight I'd been carrying after the first. Not bragging (honest!) just trying to help put worries into perspective!

We have been to babyvision for our twins for a gender scan, the lady Ruth started by going through measurements and health of babies and left us worried unnecessarily about our one twin with her expressions and behaviour and started ringing hospital and even forgot our pictures of twins she was that wrapped up in thinking she was a hospital professional. On walking in we said hello to Ruth to be totally blanked and the receptionist who is the partner in the business was very miserable also so not very inviting. Ruth didn't introduce herself until we were lay down ready to commence which was quite rude and unprofessional.
The lady on reception then went on to slate 2 other businesses tht do the same which in business is totally unethical.
All in all terrible experience and has left us worried about the life and growth of our little girl, would not recommend anyone go there and stick to the good old hospital, at least they introduce themselves and have the professional ettiket to not cause unnecessary worry.