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Parenting

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Original poster

Those of you who DON'T do playdates - can I ask why not?

69 replies

decena · 07/04/2010 19:46

This is a genuine question. My DD goes to a small rural school where there is only a few other girls her age. We have had them all here to play, sometimes the group of them, and yet, my DD never gets invited back (only to one girls house). I don't know how much other girls are invited back but doesn't seem often and I know having the girls here, that some of them don't know others houses.
I just can't understand why other mums don't reciprocate? Only one works, no-one has babies, don't they care about their daughters social life?
Because I hate continually asking without a return invite, my DD only has a friend home once or twice a term and it is a shame because she loves it.
I get quite paranoid about being the only one doing the asking, and taking it quite personally that all the other mums hate me!
So, I would really be interested in why other mums don't invite friends round, and how do feel about your child then going on playdates?

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Bonsoir · 09/04/2010 08:09

Spending time with relatives and family is another social situation, but is no substitute for socialising with non-family members.

moondog · 09/04/2010 08:12

I am exhausted after a full day of work and live in a house a long way from anyone else.
Sometimes I look at the kids playing in the street in the nearest village and think my kids should be in with them.
Then the friends I know there moan about kids in and out of their houses constantly and I think 'Thank God noone lives near us'

traceybath · 09/04/2010 08:15

I haven't for ages and really must start doing more.

Reasons I haven't for a while is that I have 3 dc's and youngest is a baby who does not sleep so am pretty exhausted most of the time. Although this is getting better.

If I only had one DC am sure I'd do more playdates but I sort of rely on him having fun with his siblings when he gets in from school.

Also my best friend who had dd in ds's class moved fairly recently and we used to do lots with them.

Oh and we also live a fair way from school, very rural etc etc.

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Bonsoir · 09/04/2010 08:18

Obviously if you have been at work all day, you aren't going to want to entertain other people's children at the end of it - having other people's young children round for a meal and a play is a lot of time and effort!

I quite often have children back to lunch - school lunch break is 1 hour 40 minutes, which is nice and short, and just time enough for lunch and a short play without too much mess!

SqueezyB · 09/04/2010 13:23

My mum never really let us have friends from school over to play, just the other kids on the street. She was a single parent and we didn't have much money or a big house and I think she was embarrassed and didn't want us to get teased about where we lived - she used to say 'I don't want so-and-so going home and telling her mother all about the state of my house!'

It was a shame really as we ended up not getting asked over to people's houses that much - plus she didn't drive so it had to be somewhere we could walk/ride a bike to.

I would say if the kids are nice and your DD gets on with them then keep asking them over, it's not the child's fault if the parents are busy/lazy/embarrassed etc.

Pitchounette · 09/04/2010 21:11

Message withdrawn

Bonsoir · 09/04/2010 21:17

I see my friends often - as does my DD. We all see our friends as often as geography permits!

compo · 09/04/2010 21:23

Growing up I was always in and out of friends houses
now I'm the same
does that answer you pinchouette?

indie37 · 09/04/2010 21:45

I work full time, on the day I work from home I have invited children, it never seems to be convenient. And honestly I don't really car. When dd is ready, she will organise her own social life. I disagree she won't grow up civilised.

indie37 · 09/04/2010 21:45

Care even.

frecklyspeckly · 09/04/2010 22:11

I'd love it if I felt comfortable enough to even ask the children in DS class around but to be honest all the parents in 'cliquey villager' mode and knew eachother probably from six generations ago iyswim, I hate it when they all stand arranging get togethers etc in front of him never once has he been invitited to anyones house since reception when a little girl who lives on our street had him around . We had another little girl play and took her out for tea when it was his birthday but then he was upset because although they had a lovely time he did not get invited back, and then she had a birthday party herself - half the class to a soft play centre and never invited him. He was so upset she did that after, in his word 'we took her out for my birthday mummy and bought her balloons'. And I work in the same place as her mum, I cannot believe the ignorance of the woman really.

frecklyspeckly · 09/04/2010 22:12

yes so to finish - I cannot be bothered anymore with it!

cat64 · 09/04/2010 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

kickassangel · 10/04/2010 02:04

cat 64, it's pretty much the same here, except dd is only 6, so not much homework etc. it just seems so quiet - so on fridays, i sometimes invite a friend over, cos i don't care if they stay up late then.

we've just had 'spring break' & i invited dd's friends round - dh doesn't get any time off, so too much if just me & dd together. one friend that came said it was her first playdate this school year. she's one of 2 girls who live several miles out of town - don't kids just get bored with only their own sibling? i remember being bored as a kid, and wanting friends, not my dsis. in fact, i used to take myself off to bed for a nap when i got bored at weekends.

i know how busy after school is, but at weekends, don't people arrange things? we like doing stuff together, but also like time to be with our peers. dh & i go out with friends, so why shouldn't dd?

btw 'playdate' for me is either an arranged get together (people spread out for miles here, so sometimes necessary), or just kids who live near meeting up to play impromptu.

ben5 · 10/04/2010 02:49

often at weekends we ivite or have been invited to friends house. my children are friends with there children at school and we have become friendly with there parents. often meet at parks, beach or events going on. we went to story time yesterday and friends came round after for a bar b que. we're going camping next week with some of them. most of by boys school friends are only a 10 minute walk away. my boys also play with other children who live in the road and because we're out watching them we've become friends with there parents. a chilli night is going to be held tomorrow!!!

othersideofthechannel · 10/04/2010 06:12

Please don't be embarassed about the size of your house etc. I am still friends with a primary school friend despite not having lived in the same town for 20 years. My family had a bigger house, posher car and went on more expensive holidays. We were in and out of each others houses from age 8. If her mother had been 'too embarrassed' about the holes in the sofa covers, we might not have formed such a close friendship.

Rightgirlwrongplanet1 · 01/03/2018 14:35

Damage. My neighbour's kid was offered a drink in a cup which I believed to be non-breakable. Within a minute of drinking it, dropped it and smashed to pieces. It was part of a set brought back from overseas as a gift from family.

I was angry that I had tried to mitigate accidents and failed. Especially as my own daughter is so careful and has damaged 1 thing in her 6 years on this world - which was repairable.

Thank god I asked them to drink it over vinyl and not carpet elsewhere in the house. I looked everywhere for the pure plastic cups and couldn't find them.

Devices. When I collect my kid from their house for emergency (never play dates), they play separately. They are deviced up to the gills and is often head bowed into iPad. This solitary occupation excludes my daughter so she is left to entertain herself. My daughter who is an only child craves friends and playing. We limit her use of devices to half hour each day.

Fails to share. The other child is bigger, stronger and faster and won't take turns fairly in activities. They fail to see how their actions might upset other's feelings. My daughter shows empathy and is considerate of others.

Hope this answers your questions about why I oppose play dates.

WipsGlitter · 01/03/2018 14:54

@Rightgirlwrongplanet1 this thread is from 2010!!

You must have done some hunting to find it!!

I sort of agree though. There's always agreements. Until you find a child yours really gets in with and then it's easier.

inklepink1 · 27/08/2018 11:50

My daughter has a brilliant social life and has had since she was small, now 11 she has a fantastic group of friends and even if I do pack myself on the back it is because I bothered over and over having her friends over even if I was tired, life is not all about me until she has left home. Mum did the same for me and I have tons of friends too, my advice do it, a lot!

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