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Original poster

Dummies - racked with guilt...

34 replies

sleepychan · 07/04/2010 18:48

I succumbed yesterday and got a dummy for my 5wo dd. I come from a family where they were never used and frowned upon and feel awful about using it.

My plan is to use them to calm her down when she works herself up in an crying fit that isn't resolved with feeding, nappy... It worked a treat last night and helped her settle in her basket before going off to sleep. Once she has calmed down, she doesn't seem too disturbed when it falls out or I take it away.

Interested in others' views/experiences. I'm wary of ending up with a 3 year old who won't give it up!

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geraldinetheluckygoat · 07/04/2010 18:53

don't feel guilty, if it makes life a bit easier, and it soothes your baby, tben that is a good thing. Both of mine had dummys, they are excellent sleepers and they both bf till they were over one, so it didnt interfere with sleeping or eating. DS1 gave his up during the day at one and at night at three when we had a visit from the dummy fairy, ds2 still has his at night, hes just turned 3, and he sometimes sneaks his down during the day. But thats becasue hes spoilt! If you are more sensible than me, you can give it up by just taking it away once you feel appropriate, yes there will be tears but they will be gone within a couple of nights.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 07/04/2010 18:54

before I had dd1 I was quite sure I didn't want to use dummies. 8 weeks of being a human dummy changed my mind!

All mine have had dummies. I usually start taking them away during the day when they are about a year, then let them decide when to give them to the dummy fairy (with the girls that has been when they were about 2 1/2-3yo)

I know lots of people are disapproving of dummies, but I have become far more relaxed about them. If I had something I could pop in my mouth when I was stressed- something that wouldn't make me fat/ give me cancer/ cause liver chirrhosis, and made me feel calm and happy again, it would be great!!

(Oh, and my dds have perfect teeth too, ad spoke quite early, so a lot of the dire warnings are overexaggerated if you don't misuse dummies, I reckon)

fruitshootsandheaves · 07/04/2010 18:56

I didn't use dummies with my DC's but I REALLY wish I had for DS as he still sucks his thumb and is nearly 15. It would have been much easier to get rid of a dummy than a thumb!

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CrystalQueen · 07/04/2010 18:59

Don't feel guilty. I used to think that dummies were horrible things, however it really helps my DD to get to sleep. THe biggest parenting lesson I learned is that you do what works for you. If a dummy settles your DC, great! Plus you can always throw a dummy away, you would find it more difficult to get rid of a thumb!

foureleven · 07/04/2010 19:02

My daughter had a dummy. All of my family hated it. She only had it for bed time, nap time and in the car. On her third birthday I told her the fairies were coming to take it away that night. And they did.

The following night she screamed for about an hour. Then forgot all about it and never mentioned it again.

If you have the strength to deal with that night of hell a few years down the line, I say go for it.

peanutpie · 07/04/2010 19:13

I gave my baby a dummy at a similar age and never really felt happy about it. Anyway, at about 5 months I decided to take it away. After a couple of days of crying while trying to get to sleep I realised that the dummy was brilliant! I gave it back quickly, have never looked back and the guilt disappeared! It has been so useful for sleeping and stuff like going on long journeys.

I never really gave it during the day, rather we kept it in the cot just for sleeps.

He's 3 now so I guess it will have to go this year. But I'm not too bothered about it too be honest.

foureleven · 07/04/2010 19:45

I dont think at sleep times is a problem at all. Its when they have it in the day the problems set in because of speach development and general 'babyfying' Nothing worse than a 4 year old wandering around a shopping centre with a dummy in mouth IMHO

AmazingBouncingFerret · 07/04/2010 19:53

DD has one. DS gave his up a few weeks ago. One night of hell versus all those nights of him settling well in the first year. Was worth it. Dont feel guilty.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 07/04/2010 19:57

If your DD will take one then for the love of god let her have one!!

My DD was a constant feeder and dummy refuser. I spent the first 6 months of her life topless.

Oh to have had a dummy!

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 07/04/2010 19:59

Oh, on the speech and teeth thing - my c/m DD is coming up to four and has the most amazing vocabulary and beautiful teeth in spite of the dummy she still loves so much.

fairylights · 07/04/2010 20:04

i also came from a family where dummies were seen as the devil's instrument but my wise MIL (no, really!) persuaded me they weren't the end of the world and my terrible uneasiness at giving one to ds(that it sounds like you are experiencing) soon began to diminish as it just made life a whole lot easier. he only had it for sleep times and finally gave it up without a moment of fuss aged 2.5 - i never would have imagined letting him have it for so long but really it just meant nap and bed time weren't a nightmare and we were all happier.
My dd is now 8 months and i have never had a qualm about giving her a dummy
give yourself a break and stop worrying about what the world will think of you! having an easier way to calm your baby is just sensible

InVinoFerretsAss · 07/04/2010 20:04

Wonderful things. Particularly on flights when you travel and are away from home or if they are poorly.

Both my DCs had them and then we got rid of them when the time was right (around 3ish) without any huge problems. Don't feel guilty and don't be embarrassed in front of any 'disapproving' family members. They are NOT the ones pacing the floor hour after hour with a crying baby. Believe me I know!!

fairylights · 07/04/2010 20:06

ps it is true that if children have dummies all day it can delay their speech but my ds is a very advanced talker for his age (in fact the only time he stops talking is when he is asleep!) so clearly it has done him no harm at all to have one at sleep times!

Dominique07 · 07/04/2010 20:11

My parents always frowned upon dummies, but then one day, when I had DS, my mum quietly told me that she always had wanted to use a dummy with us exactly as joolyjoolyjoo said!!!
Its very sensible to use whatever you can, if it helps and makes life easier. And as fairylights says, not necessarily meaning any harm is done.

Fel1x · 07/04/2010 20:12

why would you not use a dummy if it stops your baby being upset? theres nothing wrong with dummies and it does seem daft to put your embarrassment over what your family might think over your own sanity and your baby's happiness!
Dont feel guilty, all babies are different and if yours likes to suck a dummy then so be it.

Dummies dont cause problems with speech unless they are in the mouth WHILE the child is speaking/learning to speak. It can cause problems then as the tongue is not able to move as much as it should to make the correct sounds and then the sound/tongue movement is learned incorrectly which can be a pain to fix.
A dummy used for a small baby with no teeth who cant speak is not a problem in the slightest

MathsMadMummy · 07/04/2010 20:15

don't feel guilty there's nothing wrong with comfort sucking.

DD had one and we got it off her completely by 6m, so don't worry about the 3yo!

DS just wouldn't have one, I was quite annoyed actually!

BillieJackson · 07/04/2010 20:17

Please don't feel guilty! I wasted so much time feeling guilty about everything when my first child was born, including using a dummy (I also came from a family where it was looked down upon...must be a 60s/70s thing!).

In the end, I gave my colicky firstborn a dummy at 6 weeks old and it really, really helped soothe him (for a bit, anyway)

Re: the 'rod for your own back' thing. Not necessarily! DS rejected his dummy off his own back at 4 mths (just started spitting it out). My second child also had a dummy (guilt-free this time!) and we decided to wean her off it at about 7 months. We just 'lost it' one weekend, she cried the first night and then forgot about it - result!

Do what works!

DorotheaPlenticlew · 07/04/2010 20:18

DS is 2.8 and still passionately loves his dummy. I do feel a bit self-conscious sometimes about the fact that he still uses it (always at night, only occasionally during the day), but his speech has always been excellent and his teeth are totally fine.

We're just not hard-assed enough to take it away by force at the moment. Maybe when he hits 3.

blowninonabreeze · 07/04/2010 20:19

I frowned upon dummies prior to DD1 too. (not familial though as I had one )

DD1 was a nightmare and it was a godsend. We went cold turkey at 5 months when she was waking at night just for the dummy. It took a few nights of settlingher with cuddles and she slept through.

For the early days they are fantastic. Tried desparately to get DD2 to take one, but she was much more interested in her human dummy - took me 17 months to wean that one!!

DorotheaPlenticlew · 07/04/2010 20:21

Oh yes, forgot to say, I was a complete snob about dummies before having children -- felt they were a crutch of the lazy parent. Now I realize that I was, in fact, a judgemental twat who knew nothing.

Bleatblurt · 07/04/2010 20:22

My DS1 had one until one month short of his 3rd birthday. The occasional arse person would comment on it but I would just ignore them. I wouldn't take a sooky blanket or teddy from a child so why would I take his dummy from him?!! He had it from about a week old and it was a life saver - he was just such a sucky baby and if I let drink for as long as he wanted to suck he would just end up making himself sick.

My DS3 had one from 2 days old. The nurses in SCBU actually asked if they could give it to him. He was in an incubator so couldn't get a cuddle when crying (and he'd end up kicking/wriggling off the wires and tubes!) and the dummy soothed him so much, he was instantly quiet and still. He's 2y 4m now and still has it when he wants it. He happily sleeps without it now but does still like it just for comfort.

CornishKK · 07/04/2010 20:25

I was a dummy snob, I thought it was lazy parenting - that was before I had a baby and put away my judgey pants. I was recommended to use one with my DS by his cranial osteopath - it makes him happy. He's nearly nine months and now only has it for bedtime, it's appeal just seems to be fizzling out.

I will not feel guilty or emotional about half as many things by the time the next baby comes along.

Original poster

sleepychan · 08/04/2010 12:27

Thanks all! DD is falling asleep with dummy in mouth as we speak

I'm excelling at feeling guilty at the moment. I guess this is all part of the fun of having a first child...

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 08/04/2010 12:32

DS had one and used it loads - till he started getting more on the move at 7/8 months, it dropped out all the time and he started refusing it at bedtime, so dummy use over with pretty much no fuss. He's still bf at 3yo and has been average / slightly late for speech (probably fine for boys)
DD refused one when we tried her with one. Doesn't seem to need one in the same way - grumpy periods easier to handle. She's now 6months and I'm wondering if I should ahve perservered as I'm going to struggle getting her in her cot. So either way you feel guilty

Rhian82 · 08/04/2010 12:34

We actually tried to use one and DS wasn't interested, typical.

I think it's a lot easier to take them away than to stop a child sucking their thumb or fingers.

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