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Parenting

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Original poster

Dummies - racked with guilt...

34 replies

sleepychan · 07/04/2010 18:48

I succumbed yesterday and got a dummy for my 5wo dd. I come from a family where they were never used and frowned upon and feel awful about using it.

My plan is to use them to calm her down when she works herself up in an crying fit that isn't resolved with feeding, nappy... It worked a treat last night and helped her settle in her basket before going off to sleep. Once she has calmed down, she doesn't seem too disturbed when it falls out or I take it away.

Interested in others' views/experiences. I'm wary of ending up with a 3 year old who won't give it up!

OP posts:

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crumblequeen · 08/04/2010 13:52

I haven't read the other posts but there is nothing to feel guilty about! Its a dummy not poison!

My DS had a dummy until around 5 months when he became much happier and content with life in general and we took it away; he then had one bad night of sleep without it and never looked back! So you may find that you only need it for a few months anyway but I would not hesitate to give my young baby a dummy now,at least for the first few months.

dolphin13 · 09/04/2010 23:51

I was such a dummy snob DD1 is now 21 and still sucking her thumb. how I wish I had given her a dummy.
DS gave his to santa in return for a Thomas train at 2.4.
DD2 is 2.9 and nothing was making her give up her precious dummy. Last Friday we went on holiday and went cold turkey. We told her about 2 weeks before we went that the dummys were not coming with us. Departure day came and she got up collected all her dummys and put them in the bin. She asked for one a few times while we were away but wasn't really bothered as she was sleeping with me so had another comfort.
Came home today was worried about bedtime but it was ok she settled well.
So battle won next the potty training.

usualsuspect · 09/04/2010 23:53

Whatever gets you thru the night..nobody ever had a dummy tll adulthood

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lovecheese · 10/04/2010 19:42

Why do dummies provoke such huge debate amongst people? Its a piece of silicone and plastic that settles your baby and gives parents some much-needed peace. I really dont get it.

And why do old ladies insist on saying "get that dirty dodie out of your mouth!" in the supermarket as I am WILLING DD to puke on their shoes?

All of mine have had them, and all have lovely teeth and have spoken early and well. I have a career in dentistry and know only too well that a dummy is far easier to give up than a thumb and has a lot less potential harmful effect on teeth development.

Oh, and to the earth mothers out there who are adamant that children shouldn't have them I would say get off your soapboxes and worry about something worth worrying about.

notnowbernard · 10/04/2010 19:51

FGS why?

Maybe it is the name 'dummy' that provokes the 'shame' in people

What about SOOTHER? PACIFIER? After all, that is what a dummy is for, isn't it?!

Would anyone raise eyebrows at a baby being given a teddy/blanket/bit of rag as a comfort object? I doubt it

Nickoka · 10/04/2010 21:11

Wouldn't have coped with twins without them! When we went on long car journeys when they were toddlers I had about 20 of them with me as they invariably dropped one on the floor every few minutes. Seriously saved my sanity. No harm done to girls either. They talk for England.

MrsGeek · 10/04/2010 21:27

Sleepy I remember that guilt REALLY well, it made me feel like such a bad mum!

My DD would not have slept a single moment in her first 4 months had she not had a dummy, it wasn't a choice so much as survival!

I thought I was OK with it until a family 'friend' said that her kids never needed one...

Anyway, DD is now 13months and we phased out the dummy over a 2 week period when she turned one and we didn't have so much as a sleepless night over it. I had made it into such a big issue in my head and it really, really wasn't.

I am glad that we got rid of it at quite a young age because I think it might be harder later perhaps, but mainly because I know it would have upset me to have more comments from people as DD got older. I wish other parents kept their opinions to themselves a bit more and I would have worried about it much, much less.

Just enjoy your DD, forget what others think and do what is best for you.

MimsyStarr · 10/04/2010 21:44

Don't feel guilty - they are brilliant aid to sleep, if your child will take one. That Dr Christopher Green (Toddler taming book) strikes me as a very reasonable fella and he thinks they are OK.

My only advice is just make sure you've got a way for your DD to be able to find her dummy for herself in the night.

We were given a lamb comforter similar to this which has knots for feet, and what I do is untie the knot and tie it around the handle of DS's dummy. So he can always find it easily.

realitychick · 11/04/2010 11:45

Ditch the guilt. If it comforts her and you how can it be bad? it's not full of sugar or alcohol! One of mine liked dummies the other preferred his thumb. Thumb sucking is a far harder habit to break. My son had dummies until he was two and a half. People will find endless ways to make you feel useless as a mother. Don't let them.

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