Did I handle this properly and if not, what should I have done?

[FabIsGettingThere]

DD is 6 1/2 years old and has never eaten as much as her brother or as many different things. I put this down to problems when weaning but no allowances are made now.

Just now I made Cheesy cauliflower and bacon gratin and garlic bread. There was the smallest amount of cauli in it so I didn't even say it was there. DD ate 1 piece of garlic bread and she says 3 spoonfuls of gratin. I am fairly sure she didn't. She said she didn't like it. She has had mango for pudding but nothing else. She would have had more garlic bread but I knew she would fill up on that and leave the gratin so one piece each until the gratin is eaten.

She will not eat something if she doesn't like it, fair enough, but imo she doesn't try things enough first and will go hungry/without rather than eat some more.

Normally I would give in with pudding just to get her to eat, today I haven't. She has just had the mango. DS1 ate everything and behaved at the table (she kicked ds2) so has had some nice pudding too.

I am torn between saying you eat what you are given or go without until the next meal but I also don't want to force her to eat something if she genuinely doesn't like it. (potato, cheese, cream what's not to like?).

I love to cook and do not want my children to ever go hungry (I was not fed as a child) but don't want her to use this as a battle field when she is older.

Hmmmmm I think you handled it fine. I would probably have let her have more garlic bread or some salad or something and as much fruit as she wanted but its just different people, doesnt mean your way is 'wrong' - you know your daughter.

PS Sounds yummy!

I think you did the right tihng

For my DC I insist they try it and if they don't like it: fine.

If i know they like it but are in a silly mood and won't eat it - they go hungry ( and NO pud, not even fruit ) - but only if I know they like it

TBH I am not sure how much garlic bread she did have but knowing the boys there wouldn't have been much left.

She seems to change by the day week what she will eat so it is hard to keep up.

It was the first time I have made this and tea is a new recipe too but it is basically fish pie.

Absolutely fine - that's what I would have done (and have done). Good for you for standing your ground too, I have caved in in the past and given something else when the first dish was refused, but have since "wised up" and now cook one dish, if they don't like it/don't eat it, they don't get anything else! [hard mother emoticon!]

She is so thin and seems to eat less than a bird plus my fear she will be hungry and upset so I have given in.

I take it far to personally when they don't like something I have made too but that is a whole different problem.

yes I'm hardcore too

thing is fab, you had provided a lovely meal for her, she CHOSE not to eat it. you weren't not feeding her IYKWIM

if you keep giving a replacement meal every tiem she turns her nose up, she'll soon wise up and end up just eating her favourite meal every day

DS1 is skinny as a rake and eats like a horse! some kids aer just skinny.

I think she weighs about 3 stone 5lbs. Does that sound okay?

She started eating more once she went to nursery and school and has chosen to have school dinners atm so I don't know the amount she has eaten each day but she often tells me when she has eaten everything except 1 potato or 4 peas for example.

"thing is fab, you had provided a lovely meal for her, she CHOSE not to eat it. you weren't not feeding her IYKWIM"

Good point MamaG and very helpful, thank you. .

DS1 was 6 on 7th March and weighs just under 3 stone

the boy eats constantly, adult sized portions a lot of the time

it's fine

Thank you.

DS1 is 9 and only weighs 4 stone something.

Do you never look are a piece of food and think no way I'm eating that? I bet you don't eat it, so why is it fair to force, bully, bribe kids into eating something they really don't want too?

My DH was for all of his childhood forced to eat what was put on the dinner table regardless over his own wishes, he now has a fair few food problems. He is very controlling over what he eats and when and should probably have therapy over it.

I've never in my life eaten cauliflower cheese just the look of it gives me the boak, and I'm the type of person who will try most foods but then I was luck I had parent who respected me enough as a child to decide what I liked and what I didn't like.

I think that you have it right

Thediary.... - I do not bully my kids to eat .

fab- I think you did right. She was fed, you didn't force her to eat anything, she had fruit.

Thediary.."do you never look at a piece of food and think no way I'm eating that?" No. I don't. I taste it. That's like saying you won't like a song because you don't like the picture on the CD jacket! I would like my kids to be just a little more open-minded- otherwise you end up missing out (btw cauliflower cheese is great!)

no, it doesn't sound like you bully your kids,Fab. I would have done just what you did. Stay positive and good luck with tea time (just overheard dd saying, 'we're not having mum's homemade soup for tea as well are we?' having strongly encouraged her to finish hers at lunchtime and to repeat after me - 'mummy's soup is the best in the world!') Nothing wrong imho if it is things that they like dd has recently taken against mashed potato but ate it at granny's house last week when it was scooped with an ice-cream scoop Generally, we know best and that's why we are in charge!

Fab, I know you said it was a new dish, but was there any ingredient in it you'd have expected your dd to refuse (eg the bacon, or the cauliflower)?

FWIW I think you did ok. I think mamaG is spot on - you are not not feedin her, she is choosing not to eat.

On the whole, children will not starve themselves, and the other side of this is that you must be doing somethig right in the parenting stakes if your dd feels able to refuse the food, rather than knowing she has to eat it all regardless of how she feels about it. I know I would never have dared to refuse as a child, but that is not a good way to be.

I do so similar with my dds - they are given a meal, they eat what they want of it, and then they get fruit. My situation is complicated as dd1 is ASD and has food issues, and so regardless of the amount she has eaten she will get fruit as to refuse may well mean she would never eat fruit again (she is also unable t tell me if she is hungry or not).

But on the whole I do the same as you. They should try something before rejecting it. I do tend to try to offer only one new thing at a time, so that the dds can try it, and then still eat the rest of th meal if they don't like it.

The only thing I think you could have done differently is to have the rest of the meal as something you didn't mind her filling up on, rather than garlic bread, but not a big deal I think.

I didn't let on there was onion in it but if she had seen it she would have said she didn't like it and I would have said leave the onion then. I stopped buying the red onions as they are too noticeable! She likes bacon, she likes potato just didn't say about the cauli as I wasn't sure.

We are about to have fish pie. I haven't made this recipe before and I am almost certain she will say she doesn't like it so what do I do then? I know, don't make things you don't think she will eat but I want to expose her to lots of different things to get a varied diet and not be fussy and I can't have my meals dictated too by at 6 year old. She isn't consistent anyway and if I ask her what she wants she always says she doesn't know. She is hungry now though.

I agree, you need to keep trying toexpand menu. But try poking at it as a whole day, or even averaging over a few days and see what you think.

If I know dd1 has had a good breakfast, then I stress less about lunch, as she will still have an opportunity at tea to eat well too.

Do you think your dd might eat the mash of the fish pie? That's good and filling, and then maybe a spoonful or two of the pie bit? With veg on the side may be? Or you could do a small bit of plain boiled rice alongside (veering towards pandering, but not exactly exciting)

the main thing I always want to ensure is that dd1 is not hungry. Variety and flavour come afterwards

I have left the table as dd isn't eating it saying it tastes funny. Something has happened and now she has been sent to her room.

I did the sweetcorn separately as she doesn't like it but everyone else does so I don't try and force things on her.

So now she hasn't eaten well at either meal, in fact a very tiny amount. What do I do about that now?

Sorry fab just seen this. My post wasn't clear it wasn't aimed at you and I certainly don't believe you bully your kids, I was talking in generally. My apologies for any offense caused.

Warm milky drink before bed? Plain crackers as supper a little bit later, just so she has something in her tummy? Or a banana.

Please try not to stress. Maybe she isn't really very hungry today?

Thank you TheDiary...

Turns out DS1 threw his cup of water over dd so she threw hers over him and his dinner.

I would do exactly the same with my dd- unless I know it is something she absolutely hates then dd eats the same as us, and if she doesn't then she goes hungry or she has a healthy pudding of fruit and yoghurt to fill her up (as I don't want to wake up at the crack of dawn with a hungry LO wanting her breakfast).
You don't sound like a bully Fab- there has to be a point when you are a parent to her- some people seem to let their kids eat what they like- I don't see how that approach encourages a healthy attitude to food either.