Did I handle this properly and if not, what should I have done?

[FabIsGettingThere]

DD is 6 1/2 years old and has never eaten as much as her brother or as many different things. I put this down to problems when weaning but no allowances are made now.

Just now I made Cheesy cauliflower and bacon gratin and garlic bread. There was the smallest amount of cauli in it so I didn't even say it was there. DD ate 1 piece of garlic bread and she says 3 spoonfuls of gratin. I am fairly sure she didn't. She said she didn't like it. She has had mango for pudding but nothing else. She would have had more garlic bread but I knew she would fill up on that and leave the gratin so one piece each until the gratin is eaten.

She will not eat something if she doesn't like it, fair enough, but imo she doesn't try things enough first and will go hungry/without rather than eat some more.

Normally I would give in with pudding just to get her to eat, today I haven't. She has just had the mango. DS1 ate everything and behaved at the table (she kicked ds2) so has had some nice pudding too.

I am torn between saying you eat what you are given or go without until the next meal but I also don't want to force her to eat something if she genuinely doesn't like it. (potato, cheese, cream what's not to like?).

I love to cook and do not want my children to ever go hungry (I was not fed as a child) but don't want her to use this as a battle field when she is older.

How about just not making any rules or even comments about food, doing meals how you usually do but maybe something simple that she likes could be done to accompany it and see how she reacts when there is no pressure to eat?

My sister aged 8 (after a very serve stomach bug) almost ate nothing at all for about a month, my mum was beside herself with worry. In the end my mum took her food shopping with her letting her pick her own meals, letting her chose the size of portion and when she ate. It gave my sister some control back and took off the pressure to eat and slowly she started eating again.
My sister sounds quite like your DD eat very little and very very fussy but she's turned out a healthy lovely woman she just doesn't have a big appetite.

Mostly I would say she eats okay and actually is a star as she nearly always eats a big breakfast but sometimes I just wish she would eat more than a mouthful or two. Even roast dinner is a small portion and her younger brother eats more.

I remember not being able to eat when I wanted and hiding food because I knew I would get hit if i was caught, so I have stupid issues about making sure my kids never go hungry but I can't separate the thought of her being genuinely hungry/playing me .

Quite often I am happy to do different dinners for them all but it isn't practical every day nor do I want to do it.

She has just said she didn't like the creamy stuff at lunch and the fish pie tasted different to normal. It would, I did a different recipe.

Fab funny you should mention about your childhood my dad was starved deliberately by his mother as a child and always found my sisters lack of appetite worrying but my mum would point out my sis was always free to ask for a snack if she was hungry she wasn't ever denied food.

I'm not saying at all you should do this but just wanted to offer my own experience as a child. I was a terribly fusser eater and my mother pandered to it by making me something different if I didn't like it. But now as an adult I eat practically everything and have no issues with food. I think I would have been a v miserable child had my mother been stricter.

Of course we shouldn't pander to our children and make a dozen different things for different people, but the 'eat it or go hungry' argument sounds just a bit aggressive to me. Eating should be an enjoyable experience and I read somewhere that the WORST thing you can say to a child is 'just try it'. And I never withhold dessert if they don't eat the main - that sounds like a bribe to eat the nasty main course to be rewarded with a nice dessert.

I would always make sure there is something on the table that everyone likes. Sometimes for instance I might make 2 carbs - potatoes and rice. That's not too much extra effort.

I think with eating you have to look long term. What's better - a child being encouraged to eat something they don't like....or an adult who has a healthy relationship with food and doesn't have memories of miserable mealtimes.

I always remember something a paed once told me - that the fact that they ENJOY eating is more important than what they acutally eat.

She just asked for a muffin and I handled it all wrong and dh said no.

I spoke to her and she is now having a cup of milk and a muffin.

If I was cooking for all five of us all the time it would be easier to make more choices but tbh cooking for 3 little ones then the amounts are not massive and it is easy to cook too much and then end up wasting food. Or else all 3 want something and one wants both and then there isn't enough or something. They change their minds between being asked what they want and serving it up.

NK5 I'm glad things are working for you. We all find our own ways of dealing with fussy eaters don't we

I only say "eat or go hungry" if it's something I KNOW they like. something they have eaten and enjoyed before, a few times. I don't think that's aggressive.

I agree Fab, I have 3 DC as well and if I just made them what they fancied and allowed them to have dessert after not eating the main there would be havoc in this house!

DD would have a baked potato with cheese EVERY DAY, DS1 wold have pasta and pesto and BabyG would have fish, peas and sweetcorn. DH and I would ahve somethig different - imagine cooking all those diffierent foods! No.

DD doesn't like cabbage. DS1 doesn't like potatoes. So if I doa roast, I just don'g give them those things: i know they don't like them, they've tried them and @I know they'll eat all the other veg/meat/yorkshire pud on their plate, so I don't fuss about the bits they don't like.

FAB you're doing a good job here, you are

DS2 used to come home from playschool and have cold tinned spaghetti or cold tomato soup every day for his lunch. People pulled faces when i told them but really what was the problem? He was eating, I did him warm toast to go with it and some milk and he was happy. He would mostly have banana and cinnamon for pudding and always a good dinner at night so no problem.

I gave dd physalis 10 times before she started to like them so that is why I do persevere sometimes and ds2 will now eat kiwi but I never force them or bully them.

Thanks MamaG .

My son was a very fussy eater. I remember one day when I made mashed potato with cheese in the shape of a train because he liked trains, in order to get him to eat it.

He used to try new foods with "I don't like it" coming out of his mouth before the food went it.

Going on a cruise when he was eleven was a bit of a turning point as they had vast buffets where he could try stuff and reject it to his hearts content. I was happy because I hadn't spent ages making it and we'd paid for the cruise so whatever he ate didn't cost anymore.

I realised that part of it is the rejection of what YOU have made, spending time and energy to try and tempt them.

Maybe you could try an "all inclusive" holiday of some kind?