The first night at home with your new baby - how was it for you?

[Carriel]

Another one for the next mumsnet book, but I think the first night home can be one of the scariest experiences. Do you have any tips from experience you'd like to pass on? Mine is to make sure the heating's turned on so when you get back late having waited for hours to be signed out the house isn't an ice box....

• be ruthless about getting rid of visitors
• leave a message on the answering machine giving the news so you don't have to answer calls if you don't want to
• don't try and do any housework
• don't get "up and dressed" for the first few days because once you do people think you're "better" and back to normal - this comes from SIL who has 5 so she should know!

Soupdragon, you are a smart woman. And very good with wiggly bits (computer ones, I mean).

Bozza ... sorry but I LOL when I read your post ... the image is fantastic ... poor DH!

I remember thinking that the hospital were mad for letting me out in charge of this baby ... I was not capable AT ALL!
We also put DS in the middle of the floor in his car seat and thought 'Yikes! We have no room!!'
We had the first night on our own (can't actually remember it that well ... I think I spent the whole time stressing about whether DS was latching on ok) and then the next day my mum came for a week.
She was a godsend. She made tea for visitors, she cooked for us, she took the baby for walks in the pram, she answered the door and the phone when I didn't want to or when I was asleep. And better still she (being a midwife) showed me exactly (by hands on demonstration!) how to express milk to avoid engorgement ...
So ... I know not all people have midwives for mothers BUT ... if you can bear people staying in your house get help for a few days so that you can enjoy your baby and get some rest!!

Our first night at home was rather fraught. Ds was born on a Wednesday and needed an operation asap. The operation he needed was performed on a Wednesday, so we had a week to wait. Ds was jaundiced so we had to stay, but finally the Monday before the op I was allowed home - just for one night. It was an hours trip home, and an hour's trip back the following day, but I was so desperate to get out of the hospital I didn't care.

I don't remember much, but I remember putting this tiny little bundle into the cot, and he looked so small and so lost in there. And just feeling for the first time that he was mine and I didn't have to ask the midwives permission to do the things I needed to do for him.

My advice would just be to enjoy those precious first few days/weeks - they don't last long and before you know it you've got a big, mature, almost-five-year-old.

Expect the baby to want to feed and feed and feed if your milk is coming in. All night. I really wish someone had warned me about this. dd1 was a nightmare - 2 nights of sleeping for hours in the hospital, then awake ALL NIGHT when we got home. Turned out the poor mite was half starved as she wasn't latching on properly.

If possible, make sure you're coming home to a clean house - enlist someone to tidy up, put the washing machine/dishwasher on before you get back, so you're not tempted to do anything other than rest when you arrive home.

Soberbow, I know what you mean; we had a home visit from the Cats'Protection League before they'd let us take our chosen cats from the cattery!!

For ds1 my dh decorated the house with boy banners balloons and flowers - he does know That I love balloons so it was a safe bet. ds2 was a home birth but bless him - he still managed to put up the banners - it was lovely as people walking past would know and even strangers would stop and smile and even wave at us. Lovely experience.

yes another vote for decoration of the house - epecially externally so all the neighbours know. I took ds2 on a walkabOUt in our cul de sac so all saw him as we came home.. well more of a limp about!!

our was fraught with danger - dd came home after three weeks in hospital and she had an apnoea monitor. No one told us that children with down syndrome often have apnoeaic (SP?) episodes. We finally got to bed when all of a sudden it went off. Well dh was out of the bed and around the other side to the moses basket before I could lift my head off the pillow. It did not last long as we then had four houly feeds. However as I was able to be home before her - I did manage to clean/tidy up - we were in the process of selling our house so it had remained very clean and tidy anyway (thank goodness) and we just kept it very quiet that we were all home so that we had some family time. I was concerned however the next few days when dh went off to work leaving me to look after dd alone!!

The biggest thing I found was take advantage of sleeping when she slept and not to worry about the housework etc. I rarely was up and dressed before 11 am most mornings. If you can - hire a housecleaner to take care of that if no relatives are available ( as was our case.)

In hindsight and next time it would be wonderful to have someone come and stay just for a few days while we settled in and I could concentrate on the baby. Dh was fabulous and I really did not have to do anything. Come to think of it we moved house not long after she came home - the next weekend in fact!!

We all got into bed and stayed there for a few days. It was great except for too many visitors forcing interuption to staying in bed. If there's ever a next time I will ban visitors for the first week or so but I think that's a very personal thing because some people I know are very keen on showing the new bub to the world.

What a lovely thread - I'm trying to rack my brain to think back to the first night at home - I did have a lovely welcome back with balloons etc which was wonderful.

I think Summymummy's point about visitors being such a personal issue is so right - we had only recently moved to our new home and had no family or 'old' friends near by at all so we had very few visitors and in the end I was ringing people up with a very feeble voice saying 'would you like to come and see the baby!!'

I felt terrible and could hardly walk. I was still deranged from a 10 hour general anaesthetic and 10 litre blood transfusion. DH was so traumatised by my near-death that he sat on the stairs and cried when we finally got home.

I did keep feeling that I was going to drop dd, and wondered why I was allowed to look after her when (a) I felt so bad and (b) I didn't have a clue!

The next morning the nurse arrived and everything got better! She stayed for 2 weeks by which time I felt much better and able to cope.

I guess I would say that if you've had a particularly bad birth and are still in a lot of pain then make sure that someone else is there for you. We had this romantic vision of bringing the baby home together and it being just the three of us, but in fact neither of us was in a fit state to enjoy it. DD was a little angel though!

Oh it was so scary. I hadn't really contemplated how I would feel when I got home. I'd had ten days in hospital so had been able to ring a bell and summon a MW whenever needed.

The thing I remember most is overwhelming panic, like there had been a mistake. I couldn't believe this teeny, tiny, completely helpless baby was mine, and that I was now in charge - I hadn't got a clue!
My Mum said "would you like me to stay tonight?" and I started crying with relief. She ended up staying nearly six months as it turned out I had severe post-natal depression and couldn't cope at all.

Not a good time at all really. So yes, my main tip would be if someone offers help - accept it.

looking back ours was hysterical-we went to bed baby in the middle,i panic imagining baby will be crushed as we both roll onto him,put baby at my side -then panic that baby will fall out of bed so,pls imagine if you will-dp(who has had no sleep for last 3 nights)with his toolbox,lots of wood,at midnight trying to constuct a barricade at side of bed!!!when the mw came next am i thought she would wet herself laughing.god only knows what she must have thought.we are actually sane,with lots of commonsense...

Bizarre! Dh and me kept looking at each other and wondering whether she was really ours or if someone would come and take her away. None of it felt real at that stage but it was so lovely. And a bit scary too - noone gives the instructions manual too.

It was about the third night that was bad for us. DD started suffering from colic, my milk wasn't coming in due to bad anaemia and DD was hungry. We drove round and round the estate, Dh rocked her and sung to, I tried feeding her, everything but nothing settled her. In the end at 2am DH went to our 24 hour ASDA and got a tub of formula whilst I learnt how to sterilise a bottle and heated up some water. Once he was back we made the top up feed, gave her it and she slept soundly! Felt very real from that night on!!!

Yoko - Hee Hee! Sorry, but that made me laugh

My first night was a nightmare. Ds slept for hours when we got him home, and my milk was coming in. So imagine me at 4am with boobs ike beach balls, so big and tight that I could not get ds to latch on. In the end, I 'phoned the mid-wives in desperation, who informed me that if I expressed some off, my boobs would only compensate, and it would be even worse. I had to get rid of some of the milk though, in order for ds to latch on, so there I was, sitting on a chair, with dh 'milking' me because I could not get the expresser to work! Sounds funny now, but I was terrified, and crying 'I can't even feed my child'.

In the morning, the visiting MW told dh to go out and buy me some Avent breast shells, to allow any surplus milk to be removed without affecting the supply. They were my constant companions for two weeks, until my supply adjusted to ds's demands. I would recommend them to everyone. (Tip, remove them before going out, otherwise you will look like Madonna in her breast cone phase )

The most beautiful 2 nights of my life (after my wedding night). I felt wonderful, I had produced these healthy little darlings and DH loved me, and I him.

I love them so much, I still wake up before the children in the mornings and get excited about seeing them.

Chinchilla - LOL - fantastic image of a very new still looking pregant mum with Madonna breasts!

Was so adamant that I would be breastfeeding that we had no formula or bottles in the house at all. Screaming child refused to latch on so sent dh out to supermarket at midnight to buy relevant kit and formula milk. Cue mobile phone call home to ask which one, how many, which teat, etc, etc - like I knew!

Lalaa - I had the smae telephone call from my Dh. Which milk? How on earth would I know?

gosh2 - Wow. Wish I had felt like that! (Not that I have ANY desire to make up earlier than mine - might as well not go to bed in that case!)

Once we got our dd home - we sat there looking at her and thought - "now what we do?". And that was the start of a multitude of questions that have followed ever since
I would also advise anyone whole heartedly against having the in-laws to stay over (unless of course you get on very well with them). Although they were great in helping out - they also drove me barmy and gave me added unnecessary stress as all I really wanted was time with just my dh and our new baby.

gosh2, what time do your kids wake in the morning! To get up earlier than ds would mean getting up before six half the time.

agree with Metrobaby - you want someone who helps and then goes...