The first night at home with your new baby - how was it for you?

[Carriel]

Another one for the next mumsnet book, but I think the first night home can be one of the scariest experiences. Do you have any tips from experience you'd like to pass on? Mine is to make sure the heating's turned on so when you get back late having waited for hours to be signed out the house isn't an ice box....

[AussieSim]

I guess my tip is be prepared if the baby arrives even a little bit early.

Don't move to a new country where you don't speak the language when you are 5 months pregnant. Forget your birth plan. Discuss with your doctor what might happen if dd/ds comes early (here in germany they took him off me and transferred him to another hospital even though he scored 10/10 on all APGAR tests) and I couldn't follow him for a couple of days. Have your bag packed early. Don't drive yourself to hospital and then wait alone while your husband gets in from Madrid. Don't be afraid to use nipple shields if it is easier for the baby to suckle (I was absolutely offended the first time I eas told my nipples were a bit flat and maybe I should use these things). Order your nursery furniture and equipment earlier rather than later. Know how to work the car seat. And hope that your better half is not unwell when you are due to come home.

My baby was 5 weeks early (due 2 Mar arrived 24 Jan). We had ordered and paid for all the required items but they had not arrived. All we had was a car seat. Ds was fine but we had to stay in hospital for 2 weeks anyway (german regulations for you!). My husband ran around while I was in hospital trying to intimidate the shops we'd ordered our stuff from into delivering it early - he was only partly successful. The Pedeatrician said we could go home on the Wednesday but my husband bribed me with gifts to stay in till the Saturday morning when he would be home from working in Switzerland. On the Friday night my husband called and said he felt he was coming down with a cold but on the Saturday he called to say he had been really sick the whole night and that his parents would have to come and get me and he wasn't allowed to have any contact with the baby or I. I cried and cried (my PND stuck around for the first 3-4 weeks). When his parents turned up I was very nervous about making it home in time and getting organised to feed ds, as I was expressing and bottle feeding due to his jaundice and prematurity (we got to breast feed properly around late Feb). My parents-in-law had hired the electric pump for expressing and bought the bottles to go with it, but I still had to put it all together - without being able to read the german instructions - and sterilise bottles and express before I could feed him. Ds couldn't have cared less but the whole experience was a disaster for me.

First I assumed that my husband had shown his father how to use the car seat and it turns out that we drove home with him not safely secured in the car. Then my husband was laying on the lounge semi-concious while his sister and parents buzzed around trying to help me get organised to feed ds. When I finished feeding him they had left. My husband slept in our guest room.

In the next few weeks I was trying to get ds to breast feed. He was suffering from nipple confusion and it took quite a bit of encouragement to switch to the breast. It was also very time consuming. First I would try to get him to drink from the breast - weighing him to see how much he had had. Then when he would have no more I would feed him from a bottle with expressed milk. If I didn't have enough then I would have to give him formula - then I would put him to bed and then I would express - you can imagine how much sleep I was getting. Obviously I could go on and on - but the main thing is that he is healthy and happy and we are getting on well - though I'd still rather be home in Australia

[OldieMum]

I remember our first night at home vividly. Dh had put flowers around the house, ironed the sheets (a rarity in this house) and brought the remote for the CD player with him in his pocket so he could put the Messiah on as we walked in (well, it was soon after Christmas). Bliss. I had spent two weeks in hospital and it was wonderful to be somewhere quiet and without people constantly coming into the room. DD had had jaundice and had lost quite a bit of weight, so the doctors and midwives were anxious about her feeding regularly. Earlier that day, the paediatrician told me to feed her every three hours, around the clock. So we dutifully re-set the alarm clock every couple of hours through the night. It was hell and I almost hallucinated from lack of sleep. The next morning, a down-to-earth health visitor told us that this advice could only have been given by a doctor who had never had a child and that we should let all of us sleep at night. DD promptly slept through the next night and has done so ever since (she is now 6 months old). As she tucks into pasta and mushroom sauce, I still laugh about setting that alarm clock.

[lilymum]

Try and make sure that everything you're going to need is at hand eg. Moses basket, bedding is not still in the attic/garage. And no visitors, that first night/day, unless they're going to be very practical and tactful run you a hot bath, look after the baby while you have it, and then put you to bed, as you'll be feeling exhausted.

[StripyMouse]

Everyone (friends and family) kept saying that they would give us a "few days" to settle into a routine once home. I was so glad that I said give me the morning off (went home at 9am sharp...) and then please come round for a DIY lunch followed by a family DIY BBQ - don?t abandon us. Having people around just helped me adjust back from having lots of people and midwives in the hospital to being "just us". They all were kicked out fairly early so that we could have an early night and it made the first day back much easier - having my sister and mum bringing and cooking the food instead of DH scraping around was a big bonus!!

[ubermum]

Inkpen, your message made me laugh out loud. I am expecting my first baby in September, and can imagine I will be equally fraught for the first few days (years probably!). My friend has just had her first child and congratulates herself daily for actually managing to keep it alive another day. He slept for several hours one day and she was so concerned she rang the hospital. Apparentely, he had pigged out on the breastmilk and fallen into a drunken milky haze! Anyway, thank you for making me realise I'm not alone with my fears of impending motherhood.

[CAM]

Lovely and peaceful, i loved not being in hospital, when we came home I felt "good, I can do it my way"

[ChloeR]

I had a (mostly) home birth and was only in the hospital for an hour. We came home feeling amazed and very excited and tired. My mum stayed for the first week but we hardly saw her, she just appeared to hold the baby when I wanted a bath and left meals and cups of tea around the place like a good fairy. It was wonderful having her there because I knew that if anything happened she would be able to tell us if it was normal

I couldn't belive how foul the first baby poo could be, I thought there must be something badly wrong, mum thought it was hilarious.

[Inkpen]

I felt utterly fragile and just wanted to hide. We stayed in the hospital till early evening, then came home quietly under cover of darkness so none of the neighbours could come rushing over to coo while I could scarcely stand!
Walked into a very cold house (yes, put the heating on first!) Put the carseat down in the middle of the room, turned the gas-fire on for a quick burst of heat, and watched the baby rapidly turn scarlet. Panicked, rushed upstairs and took clothing off (baby's not mine), turned fire off again. Calmed screaming baby down. Calmed self down.
Looked at the pan, still soaking, with the remains of my pre-birth scrambled eggs (have you ever tried to clean scrambled egg out of a Le Creuset pan after three days??!)
Lined up bottles of ready-mixed formula that the hospital had given us.
Wondered how many hours it was till the midwife would come visiting.
Got into bed, lifted up pillow to bash it into shape - HUGE spider ran out from under and off down the wall. I was so shattered that I didn't even shriek. Just flopped the pillow down again and said, 'Oh well, never mind ...'

[tigermoth]

Think lighting and floorspace. Have some idea in advance where you'll put the moses basket and how much lighting you'll need on your side of the bed for night time feeds.

I was fresh out of hospital with my baby ds and changing decor was not what I wanted to do.

That first night home with my baby ds was scary for me - I really couldn't get over the fact that there was a new third person in the house who was tinier than our cat. I felt we had been visited by a fairy and he might disappear in a puff of smoke. When he fell asleep in his moses basket upstaris, I had to keep opening the door to check I wasn't dreaming him.

[suedonim]

Terrifying! Even with No4, I was scared stupid at the responsibilty of keeping this tiny person alive overnight and then the next day and the next night and.....

Retiring to the bedroom was a good thing for me for a few days, so I didn't have to see what was going on elswehere in the house and get all narky about things like socks being pegged up by the tops instead of the toes. Having meals planned/prepared/ready-made was a help, too.

[Claireandrich]

I had an emergency cs and came home after 3 days. After the first couple of days Dh, my mum and MIL all took it it turns to spend the day (or part of it) with me. It gave me time to have a rest and a nap, my mum did the cleaning and MIL did the ironing, we went for little walks and things like that. I still did the baby things mostly but if I wanted a break they were willing to take over for me. Luckily I get on with both my parents and my in-laws!

Would you believe that my mum was allowed 5 days paid dependent's leave after DD's birth? Didn't have to be taken at once either, so we spread it over 2 or 3 weeks. This was more than DH got!

[tinyfeet]

I agree with Lilymum back a while on this thread -my first night was all about feeding DD. Also, as others mentioned, if you can get your mum or someone to feed you, that's extremely important. I found the first couple of weeks to be just about feeding DD (and of course changing nappies, etc) and feeding myself.

[Dahlia]

A big plastic bag on your car seat is great for the first week or two if you have had stitches, it makes getting in and out of the car fantastically easy.

[Lil]

also agree with metrobaby - the first few days are such a personal and special time that I didn't want to be distracted by relatives. I ended up getting quite irritable with my parents, which they couldn't understand because they were only trying to help!

I would encourage dps and dhs everywhere to fill the house full of flowers and cards. It feels like a celebration then..which of course is what it is!

[codswallop]

agree with Metrobaby - you want someone who helps and then goes...

[aloha]

gosh2, what time do your kids wake in the morning! To get up earlier than ds would mean getting up before six half the time.

[Metrobaby]

Once we got our dd home - we sat there looking at her and thought - "now what we do?". And that was the start of a multitude of questions that have followed ever since
I would also advise anyone whole heartedly against having the in-laws to stay over (unless of course you get on very well with them). Although they were great in helping out - they also drove me barmy and gave me added unnecessary stress as all I really wanted was time with just my dh and our new baby.

[Oakmaiden]

gosh2 - Wow. Wish I had felt like that! (Not that I have ANY desire to make up earlier than mine - might as well not go to bed in that case!)

[Claireandrich]

Lalaa - I had the smae telephone call from my Dh. Which milk? How on earth would I know?

[lalaa]

Chinchilla - LOL - fantastic image of a very new still looking pregant mum with Madonna breasts!

Was so adamant that I would be breastfeeding that we had no formula or bottles in the house at all. Screaming child refused to latch on so sent dh out to supermarket at midnight to buy relevant kit and formula milk. Cue mobile phone call home to ask which one, how many, which teat, etc, etc - like I knew!

[gosh2]

The most beautiful 2 nights of my life (after my wedding night). I felt wonderful, I had produced these healthy little darlings and DH loved me, and I him.

I love them so much, I still wake up before the children in the mornings and get excited about seeing them.

[Chinchilla]

Yoko - Hee Hee! Sorry, but that made me laugh

My first night was a nightmare. Ds slept for hours when we got him home, and my milk was coming in. So imagine me at 4am with boobs ike beach balls, so big and tight that I could not get ds to latch on. In the end, I 'phoned the mid-wives in desperation, who informed me that if I expressed some off, my boobs would only compensate, and it would be even worse. I had to get rid of some of the milk though, in order for ds to latch on, so there I was, sitting on a chair, with dh 'milking' me because I could not get the expresser to work! Sounds funny now, but I was terrified, and crying 'I can't even feed my child'.

In the morning, the visiting MW told dh to go out and buy me some Avent breast shells, to allow any surplus milk to be removed without affecting the supply. They were my constant companions for two weeks, until my supply adjusted to ds's demands. I would recommend them to everyone. (Tip, remove them before going out, otherwise you will look like Madonna in her breast cone phase )

[Claireandrich]

Bizarre! Dh and me kept looking at each other and wondering whether she was really ours or if someone would come and take her away. None of it felt real at that stage but it was so lovely. And a bit scary too - noone gives the instructions manual too.

It was about the third night that was bad for us. DD started suffering from colic, my milk wasn't coming in due to bad anaemia and DD was hungry. We drove round and round the estate, Dh rocked her and sung to, I tried feeding her, everything but nothing settled her. In the end at 2am DH went to our 24 hour ASDA and got a tub of formula whilst I learnt how to sterilise a bottle and heated up some water. Once he was back we made the top up feed, gave her it and she slept soundly! Felt very real from that night on!!!