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Parenting

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Original poster

what would you do in the following scenario

53 replies

emkana · 28/02/2010 19:12

Sunday dinner. ds (3.8) has not touched his plate. After a reasonable amount of time cleared plates are taken away and pudding is brought out. Ds demands pudding.

Would you

a/let him have it
b/insist he eats (some of) his dinner before he has pudding
c/not bring the pudding out in the first place (bearing in mind that there are other children who have eaten)

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Original poster

emkana · 28/02/2010 20:07

Def a regular thing.

We did b, but MIL who was present thought it was terribly cruel

Main course was lasagne, homemade chips and salad, is that horrid ?

OP posts:

GochaGocha · 28/02/2010 20:57

Whoa -- MIL undermining your discipline?

Sounds like she is the one who needs some boundaries

DH needs to sort her out, sharpish.

Waswondering · 28/02/2010 21:04

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Blu · 28/02/2010 21:11

I always stuck to the thing that there is no food more desirable than another - no 'do the boring tough horrible bit in order to get the reward of sweet things'. But we v rarely had pudding anyway.

Now DS often refuses pudding if he is full from his first course, never hankers after sweets, or wheedles for them, and in fact there is a jar with all his accumulated christmas etc chocs in his bedroom - he occasionally helps himself to a small amount.

WidowWadman · 28/02/2010 21:12

A - maybe he just didn't fancy the main. I dson't seethe point in making fuss about food or bribe children to eat something they don't want to.

Blu · 28/02/2010 21:14

But I agree that MIL should not undermine you whatever your own answer was!

Original poster

emkana · 28/02/2010 21:18

Blu, how is your ds's leg these days?

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crankytwanky · 28/02/2010 21:20

As someone who has given her DD actual bread and water after meals had been refused, I'd go for B.

ruddynorah · 28/02/2010 21:21

and i'd leave the main course out as he'd probably tuck into it after pudding or later on when he's hungry.

deleting · 28/02/2010 21:27

B. this only applies to dd who is very choosy about what she eats and won't try anything new. She definitely has to eat most of the main course (whether she fancies it or not) otherwise everyone else gets the pudding and she doesn't. Not fair to not give to the others. We don't have puddings very often though. In our case, we have to insist and bribe her if we want her to eat anything other than pasta.

JJ · 28/02/2010 21:33

B - this happens with my youngest, so I can say that with certainty. We don't have pudding very frequently - more often with guests, though, so he sees everyone else eating it.

mii · 28/02/2010 21:34

Well I wouldn't like to be bribed into eating something I didn't like just so I could have some pudding, so I suppose it would depend on if I knew the DC didn't like the main or not.

And also on what else they had eaten that day. I don't like the forcing down of food for the sake of a 'clean plate' and something 'nice'

Bad eating habits imo

deleting · 28/02/2010 21:42

it's not the worst thing that can happen to you though being made to eat a vegetable. dd already has bad eating habits - she won't eat anything.

notquitenormal · 28/02/2010 21:44

Not hungry enough for dinner, then not hungry enough for pudding.

But we rarely eat pudding anyway.

ThePinkOne · 28/02/2010 21:45

B here.

Blu, interesting comment about pudding being more desirable and you have to eat the nasty main course first. I don't put it across like that - more that this is the main course, pudding is what you have after you have had a good try at the main course (don't insist on clean plates, just a decent attempt). More in view of not wasting the food you've had on your plate. If you haven't eaten it you can't be hungry (for pudding).

(I've worded that really badly! But can't make it make any more sense. Sorry, going to bed now. Very tired!)

Original poster

emkana · 28/02/2010 21:48

I think that's a valid point thepinkone and I agree with you - I think it's not about "horrible" versus "nice" food but about the fact that somebody has gone to the trouble of cooking this and it shouldn't just be wasted. Also I do try to teach my children that some calories are "empty" and some have nutritional value, and we should strive to eat more of the latter. Ds's understanding for this is very limited though.

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Joolyjoolyjoo · 28/02/2010 21:54

I'm a "B" girl. I don't insist on a clean plate, but if they won't even try it/ if it something I know they have eaten happily in the past, then no pud. I do sometimes offer ds (2.3) fruit though instead. Relax the rules slightly if it's been one of my more adventurous creations

LaDiDaDi · 28/02/2010 21:59

Depends upon what the nutritional value of pudding is versus main and if I think that d is just refusing to eat her main in order to get to pudding faster iyswim.

Usual pudding is fruit and yoghurt so dd would get this anyway (A) unless she had specifically asked for the main course and then refused it, this would mean C.

If pudding is a cake (for example) then she needs to at least eat some of the main course before she gets it (B). I always encourage her to eat the veggies telling her that "they are the most important part".

abbierhodes · 28/02/2010 22:12

I don't get why anyone would ever do C. Punish everyone for one child not eating?

We do B. Don't insist on a clean plate, but a decent attempt at eating the main course...the children understand that this is the healthy part. If they've never tried the food before then they must at least have a taste. If they genuinely hate the taste, I'd give them somthing else (even if only toast) before pudding though, and expect them to eat that.

LaDiDaDi · 28/02/2010 22:22

Oh, I didn't mean C, I meant B.

Poledra · 28/02/2010 22:30

sandcastles · 01/03/2010 06:05

Why should the others miss out because he won't eat?

Blu · 01/03/2010 12:04

Emkana - he's doing really well, thanks! Very mobile and happy atm - will need some more surgery soon...aaaargh. How is S?

UniS · 01/03/2010 21:39

UNLESS extenuating circumstances. guests present for example when A might be played. only because I don't want my DS screaming and whining while we have company. Even then I might insist he has piece of apple or cucumber first.

EssenceOfJack · 01/03/2010 22:07

B - try a bit of everything

If not have given pudding to other children before and not the food refuser. I have only donw it twice and now DD1 will try everything or ask to get down with no pudding if she genuinely isn't hungry.

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