Disproportionately annoyed with parents who keep inviting my 9 year old dd to sleepovers.

[bibbitybobbityhat]

I honestly don't know what to do for the best here.

The reason I'm so against random sleepovers is because I do NOT WANT to return the invite. I don't want my dd's friends staying here for a whole night. Some of them I don't particularly like to be brutally honest and it is just not my idea of fun.

I can just about tolerate doing it once a year for a birthday.

But her group of friends seem to have got in to this whole random sleepover thing and, I'm sorry if I sound curmudgeonly, but it really annoys me!

Should I be honest with the mums who keep doing this?

Or should I be beaten into submission and get ourselves involved in this whole merrygoround?

Aaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhh

If your DD wants to go, and you're happy for her to go, then let her go. You don't have to return the invitation if you don't want to. If it's a problem to others that you don't reciprocate then the invitations will probably stop coming and the whole 'merrygoround' will be a thing of the past.

give in.

How does your DD feel about it? If she wanted to be part of it I'd be tempted to get involved in the merrygoround.
It's not so bad. They just disappear to do their own thing.

Yanbu it would annoy me - thankfully this seems to bypass boys a bit but its only a matter of time for DD

Well I confess to not enjoying them that much but as long as the children are safely tucked up in a bedroom and firmly told to stay there and not run around making a nuisance of themselves it's OK. The only one I struggle with is for DD's birthday when we have too many to get into her room and they take over the sitting room DS#1 has already booked a bed with his mate that night!

You could always say that it makes your DD too tired and perhaps limit it to one per school holiday.

You don;t have to reciprocate with a sleepover just because your DD gets invited to one.

Let your dd go, it will give you a wonderful break! And don't feel under any obligation to have sleepovers yourself if you don't want to.

I've always found sleepovers quite easy, but I'd let her go - there's no obligation at all to reciprocate. Some people have the space and termperament, some don't. No worries

I am with you, OP I loathe and despise sleepovers in my house. I don't mind if my DD goes to other people's sleepovers because I get a free babysitter and I can go out and be, you know, adult.

I might allow 1 or 2 sleepovers at my house, in the space of a year, but only ever during the school holidays because they make my DD so tired and if she's here all night and then all the next day I have to be here too and she is horrible.

What I tend to do if I feel the need to reciprocate the favour is I'll take the kids out on a day trip at the weekend but not have anyone who doesn't live here sleeping here.

Oh just let her go - you don't have to reciprocate because the other girls are inviting your DD because they like her, not on the off-chance that they'll get to sleep at your house

If you feel you have to reciprocate, have them round for tea and have a pancake night or something.

I hate sleepovers... don't have the tolerance or patience am afraid. I've let my DD have a sleepover a few times thinking "I should" and have always regretted it. I get nothing but requests and silly problems and the giddy noise drives me (and my poor DS) insane. She is always very tired the next day too, which means a grumpy DD. For me it's just too much.

One of her regular friends she plays with now doesn't like to sleep over much, she likes her own bed more, but my DD still sleeps at hers. I just tell myself other mums obviously don't mind, and I don't worry so much about reciprocating anymore.

Sleepovers become very very popular. Isn't your dd dying to go?

I have had kids here for sleepovers who have never invited my child back and vice versa. I don't think parents will expect it to be reciprocated.

I let the dds go to all sleepovers that come their way (although the craze phase has passed) and I only allow them to have one or at most two a year.

I'm with op.
Hate them- dd needs her sleep!!
Ds is having 3 friends to stay the night (note phrase) on his 11th birthday, but they will be in rooms and quiet by 9pm. Or they go home .
DD goes on one perhaps in the holidays, but never in term time as she can't cope with it.
On the ODD occasions we have one, it's only 1 friend and again, in bed by 9. No sweets.
I never had them as a child, and when I hear about people having 6 or more children- I would be in the Priory.

I'd let her go. As others have said, you don't have to reciprocate. I wouldn't want my children to not join in something I don't like just because we don't do it at our house.

I often went to stay the night with friends as a child, but only one on one. I first stayed at my best friends house when I was six. We didn't do mass sleepovers with more than one friend though.

My DD1 has been having sleepovers since she was 8. Mainly birthday, school disco nights. Ive nver expected anyone to return the invite, that was not my reason for letting them stay over. She has stayed over at friends houses but thats up to the parents. I know one of her friends has a disabled sister and it would be really hard for her to sleep over there but it wouldnt stop me from inviting her in the first place.
Her bedroom is quite small so when all my others are in bed them DD1 and her mates can have the living room to themselves (films and midnight snacks mainly) and I and DH if hes home go to bed and stick on a film of our own.
Let her go, make the most of the time you get to yourself and enjoy. Have her friends round for dinner after school one at a time if you feel you should do something. Summer is great cos you can kick them out in the garden and interference is kept to a minimum.

I must be a very bah humbug mummy as I don't have them and also don't let my DD go to them either. She is 8 which in my opinion is too young.

Growing up, I went to loads of sleepovers and we never reciprocated (because we lived a lot further away from the school, my mum was a single parent and worked long hours, and I think because we had a smaller house?) and it was never an issue.

So just let her go, I think, and enjoy a night off.

My dd loves them. I think she really enjoys them because she is an only child and adores the company of other children. I do let her have them here, but only when dh is away. He is driven to the point of insanity by little girls and their inability to go to sleep when they should. She is having one soon that I feel I was a little railroaded into. The parents want to go to the geneva motor show (why) and need somewhere to park their two daughters. Initially I was asked to have both, but refused. Now we are having one from 9 on Saturday till mid afternoon on Sunday. The mum wanted to leave her dd off here at 6.30

I think that you have to let your DD participate in the sleepover fad - if that is what her group of friends do, and she wants to join in, you really must let her do it. It is actually very good for them to go and stay at other people's homes!

I did the whole sleepover thing with my DSSs (not even my own children...) - cue random boys I had never met wolfing down burgers in my kitchen and destroying the bedroom furniture. Part of life...

I second those who have said you don?t need to reciprocate. One of DD?s best friends has a mother who told us up front when we invited her daughter over that she (the mother, that is) doesn?t ?do? sleepovers.

We don?t hold it against her and her daughter is still welcome to sleepovers at ours because we like her.

So let your DD go and don?t return the invite. It?s fine, really.

I've thought a bit more about this (was I being a total mug thinking I needed to reciprocate sleepovers for my DSSs?).

Actually, I remember quite well that DP and I encouraged sleepovers as it enabled us to get a much closer look at the DSSs' friends, and their interaction with them; and that, of itself, was very interesting and gave us food for thought and discussion with them.

Let your DD go to sleepovers and reciprocate. It's your DD's home too.

My kids love sleep-overs and I don't mind them. Like Bonsoir, I quite like getting a chance to sneak a look at the friendships. But if you don't like them, don't have them. You can be blunt about this if other parents hint at reciprocal dates.

You can always make it up to their friends in other ways - taking them to the cinema (low maintenance) or for a day trip somewhere. I think we have to make an effort to show interest in our kids' friends at some level, as it helps them socialise and it supports their choices, but on your terms, not theirs.

Thanks for all these.

Yes, of course I want my dd to socialise and participate and she does bring her friends round here - I am quite a sociable person myself; invites for tea or days out in the school holidays are always forthcoming from us.

Its just the staying the night thing.

Having said that, I've just picked dd up from a friends birthday sleepover this morning. Her friend's mum is a bit bah humbug like me and this is the first sleepover she has hosted - she said the girls were all v good, went to sleep by 11 and got up after 7 and it had been fairly easy to handle (she seemed pleasantly surprised).

So (grrrr) I'll look in the diary and see when we can have a small group back here .