'you need him (ds) more than he needs you' (probably going to be long)

[stottiecake]

This is what my friend told me this morning.
Along with 'you have over bonded'
And the reason my dh doesn't do a great deal of the hands on stuff is because I make him feel like he is doing a shit job.
And my OCDs (which I believed have gone away since having ds - no time to entertain them ) have actually manifested themselves in other ways resulting in me needing my boy more than him me. Apparently.

This observation has left me feeling very fragile. My ds is nearly 15 months old. I still breastfeed him, we co-sleep, I am a sahm.

We had a rocky start. I possibly had pnd but wasn't really helped by dr (she directed me to a website)

It is a really long story. I think ds was/ is what I've seen described as a high needs baby. He has tongue-tie. bf-ing was a struggle. Never took a bottle. Screamed in his pram. Wouldn't sleep anywhere other than on me. He was probably in pain from his delivery but I didn't know it. We away from home for the first 6 months of his life, no close friends or family near by.

Now he is nearly 15 months. He is a joy - hard work but wonderful.

I feel, for me, that I have had 18 years growing up, another 18 years partying and I can now spend the next 5 years being a mum.

So. A rant. Thank you for reading. Ithas been good to get off my chest (I'm not very good at standing up for myself)

I don't know why people immediately assume that anyone who criticizes them must be jealous. They might just have a different viewpoint/ way of doing things. Having said that the comments do seem a little odd, and certainly not supportive - rather more things you might think than say, especially to someone you know is fragile.

However I have seen a fair few friends who have really not let anyone else care for their children, and some very excluded (and therefore not terribly confident/competent or indeed happy) dads, and I do think that is a bit sad and can lead to later irritation by exhausted mothers who actually do need help, and just haven't seen that their behaviour has contributed to their dh becoming more and more hands off.

Your friend doesn't have very good friendship skills.
I have a friend who dishes out judgements like this and I find it upsetting. We have very different views on life and I keep my criticisms of her choices (eg smacking her toddler) to myself.

You can't be too close to your baby in my view. I also see that facilitating your dh being involved with the baby is good. Maybe your friend wishes you had more time for her?

The only thing that might be worth looking into is if your dh gets enough parenting time and if he gets to feel that his ways and his decisions about parenting are equally valid. Father-child bonding is very very important. All the rest I would ignore.