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Original poster

In the middle of a big row with DS - advice please re: gaming

35 replies

Vulture · 10/02/2010 16:51

My 11.5yr old DS is claiming that he is the only one in school not allowed to play 16+ games and that he is teased for it and called a baby. He desparately wants to fit in. My instinct is to say no on the grounds that they are 16+ for a reason. A quick straw poll in the playground reveals that most Mums seem to have caved in on the grounds that the games contain nothing worse than they see on the TV anyway. What are your views - cave in but set guidance and be vigalent over what he is doing (gaming is already time limited to 2 hours max a day)or be the mean Mummy?

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Cadelaide · 10/02/2010 16:56

Ooh, that's a hard one.

I like to think I'd stand firm, at least for a couple of years anyway. I'll bet they're not all playing 16+ games.

Cadelaide · 10/02/2010 16:59

Yes, the more I think about it the more I'd be the mean Mummy. I'd feel better being mean than caving in. I'd fret a bit and feel weak if I did that, I think.

DS is Y6 though, I might give a different response when he's in secondary school, all the peer pressure gets a bit more serious then doesn't it.

So, no help at all really then!

BitOfFun · 10/02/2010 17:03

I'd stand firm. He can blame you, if hid mates ask, but I don't believe them anyway. If you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything...or something

Seriously, I don't think "but everybody does it" is a great reason to drop your standards in life, and it is your job to look after him, not his pals or their parents. He will moan, but you can afford to put up with that for another couple of years really, surely?

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Original poster

Vulture · 10/02/2010 17:09

Thanks guys - I think you are probably right. I was having a wobble when he started to weep all over me. This all came up because he had sneakily registered for a 16+ game online but then his guilt had overcome him and he confessed in floods of tears - all credit to him for finally coming clean. He claims it is not gory, sexy or unsuitable and when I looked I have to confess that he is probably right - cartoon gore but nothing you wouldn't see in The Simpsons. I just feel that it is the thin end of the wedge and that if I cave in now then I will lose yet more control over what influences him. I agree that I doubt all his friends have that much freedom but I am shocked about some of the things they are allowed to watch at 11. So many of his friends are watching stuff like Family Guy which I don't think is suitable at all. I feel sad when I see my little baby wrestling with all these issues - he should be carefree and playing in the garden.

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Itsjustafleshwound · 10/02/2010 17:09

He has another 4 and a half years to go before he is deemed legally suitable to play the games?? I really don't think the games are suitable ... 14/15 perhaps... but not 11!!

I don't think it is a valid excuse 'other mums let their kids fo it' - really?? Saving playground face??? Consenting to the norm not to appear strict/mean to the other mums ...

I would tend to be a mean mother - these games have age limits for a reason (I think!!)

TennisFan · 10/02/2010 17:11

Going by the friends of my DS I would guess that they ARE all playing those 16+ games and indeed the 18+ ones too.
There were loads of discussions about it here when Call of Duty 2 came out in Novemember and its an 18+.

I let my DS play some of them, but I know the content and try to restrict the amount of time on playstation.

Hulababy · 10/02/2010 17:12

I agree with you. 11 is too young for these games.

joe999 · 10/02/2010 17:15

Its really hard when they are being pressured by their friends, but I'm inclined to say stand firm.

My DS is 7.5 and constantly asks why he can't have 12+ games or watch 12+ movies and so far we have stood firm and said no. The problem is once you give in, where do you draw the line, next he'll want 18+ games and if he can play 16+ games what about 15 rated films etc.

Have you seen the 16+ games, they are quite violent and very graphic, with blood etc and they look so realistic nowadays - not like my day when all we had was pacman!!

I'm interested to see how other mums have tackled this issue though.

pagwatch · 10/02/2010 17:16

my son is 16. I was the mean mummy. He was fine.

It is easyto get sucked into the " but mum , I'll be the only one" but it is all shit. And I have never had a problem saying 'well if their mums let them, then more fool them'

compo · 10/02/2010 17:19

You should have watched supernanny last night, showed the effect of playing violent games has

muggglewump · 10/02/2010 17:19

Honestly?
Cave in and watch/play with them, to see how they cope with it, their reactions to it and generally how they get on, with a view to stopping it if I felt it was affecting them negatively.
I can be a big wuss when it comes to parenting (I can also be the meanest Mum from hell!), but peer pressure would make me compromise with this one.
It's tough if you really are the only one not allowed.

*disclaimer, I have an 8yr old girl, so may be talking a load of old shite.

muggglewump · 10/02/2010 17:25

Oh, and I let my DD watch films I believe she will enjoy, and ignore the rating.
She loves to be a bit scared, so has seen Gremlins, Jews, all the Indiana Jones films, and girly films with me, such as Dirty Dancing and Pretty women.
We watch the soaps together too.

OtterInaSkoda · 10/02/2010 17:32

It really does depend on the game. I accidentally let ds (now 9) play one of my games because I neglected to note that it was a 16 (none of the others in the series are). I don't really understand why it's a 16 tbh.

OTOH there are games (Grand Theft Auto) that I wouldn't have in the house regardless of ds's age. Hmmm. That doesn't help does it - sorry

GrungeBlobPrimpants · 10/02/2010 17:37

I have just had exactly this with my ds this afternoon

He is 10 and says he is only boy in class who is not allowed 16+ games . And he wants facebook as guess what? Half the **ing class have it.

Having said that I know he's played Halo 3 and other 16+ games at his friends houses, these are in homes of parents who are friends of mine and who I trust and thought had similar parental style. I am sticking to my guns and refusing to have 16+ games under my roof but how long this is practicable I don't know.

He'll be playing GTA by time he's 12 otherwise

RTKangaMummy · 10/02/2010 17:38

My DS is 14 years and he doesn't have any 16+ games

I am deffo a mean mummy

We watch 15+ DVDs as a family but only those are comedy ones like 4 weddings etc

EVye · 10/02/2010 17:38

PEGI are the organisation responsible for rating games. They have some good advice.

TheFoosa · 10/02/2010 17:40

I would stand firm on this too, but you know he WILL be playing them at his mate's house anyway

TheFoosa · 10/02/2010 17:41

those that are allowed such games

activate · 10/02/2010 17:41

In our house you have to be within 2 years of the actual age for it to be considered and even then it's a judgement call

And he's lying when he says everyone else has them

That's typical mummy guilt

ignore him

pagwatch · 10/02/2010 17:43

I let DD watch games of an older classification if I have seen them and I think they are fine.
That isn't the OPs question is it?

She is asking about games which her inclination is to exclude but she feels she is waivering because her DS is playing the 'I'll be the only one' card.

If she thought the game in question was fine for him then that is her choice

RTKangaMummy · 10/02/2010 17:46

yes i also realise that my DS will watch and play at his friends but that is their parents choice

I believe that this is our house and so DH and I make the rules and other familes can do what they like

ie some of the boys in his year drink and smoke but he doesn't

He will never smoke cos he hates it and always has

So IMHO and IME if you give in over games or DVDs then what do you do when they want to do the rest of the things other parents let their kids do??????

GothDetective · 10/02/2010 17:47

Not exactly answering the OP's question but am I the only one who thinks its funny you have to be 18 to play Call Of Duty, but at 17 you can join the army and shoot people for real?

Disenchanted3 · 10/02/2010 17:48

I wouldn't bother.

I was watching 15 films at 10/11!

BitOfFun · 10/02/2010 17:56

And look how you turned out

pagwatch · 10/02/2010 17:58

at Dis and Bof

Tis true. People always say that on smacking threads - and they are always the aggressive, chippy, scary ones....

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