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Original poster

My DH calls our DD fat

74 replies

1757 · 08/02/2010 21:45

I am worried about my DHs behaviour towards our teenage daughter

He was a keen sportsman in his youth and felt he could have been successful if he had had the backing. He has encouraged my DD to particpate in sport from a young age but puts a lot of pressure on her to succeed.

Recently he has started getting angry at her when she doesn't do as well as he thinks she could or should do. He often comments on her weight and in extreme anger has called her 'fat'. He has also started criticising her character and is prone to rages and 'flare ups'.

They argue a lot and she is beginning to suffer emotionally. She has cut her arms (although only once and for attention) and spends a lot of time at friends houses. How can I help my family?

OP posts:
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GetOrfMoiLand · 09/02/2010 16:51

LOl heqet.

God now you lot talking about a transport caff had made me to desperate for a full english breakfast.

Bloody diet. There are traps and rtemptation everywhere!

AnyFucker · 09/02/2010 16:51

I know, whoisasking

I don't want to be nasty, either (not that I ever am )

1757, can you explain please ? You seem like a genuine poster, otherwise.

Are you OK ????

Original poster
1757 · 09/02/2010 16:51

Okay I will come clean. I am a regular poster and have name changed. The abusive man in question was actually my father. I wanted to present the facts this way to validate what I feel about him. I have had a hard time recently (therapy, depression etc) and am on the verge of cutting him out of my life. But I still have doubts about how bad he actually was. When I tell people what he did to me, I don't get the response I got here. Your words have validated my feelings about his abuse and given me the courage to believe in my self. I still have the scars, emotional and physical

Finally I am truly sorry if I have upset anyone. What prompted me to search for validation in such a bizzare way? I suppose his manipulation and abuse have left me with little confidence in what I know to be true. So this is not a troll and the details of the post are true but at a different angle. I was always going to come clean because I am a regular and I have found a lot of support on mumsnet and respect you all

I just wish I could have talked to someone about this during my teenage years and got the support and validation I got here

Feel free to curse me, I deserve it for lying and deceiving you all. I won't do it again but I will be able to look that bastard in the eye and say 'you abused me'

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AnyFucker · 09/02/2010 16:54

whoa, cross posted, 1757

no-one will curse you

but you can't fool the beady eyes, ya know {smile]

I am sorry you couldn't ask for validation in the usual way.

You would have got it in spades !!

And you still did, didn't you?

Some of us should stop snooping

Here, have a hug, and one for your 17yo self too x

heQet · 09/02/2010 16:54

Yes. He did. Have you thought about counselling? - to deal with your feelings about him and your mother - going by your OP do you feel she failed to protect you? Do you really need to have contact with them?

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/02/2010 16:55

Oh you poor sod.

Well, whatever vitriol I said on my first post still stands, directed towards both your parents.

There is something so hideous about being spoken to lke that. I know that, althoygh I come across as a confident woman, I still hear fat, ugly, stupid, etc etc ad infinitum.

It is NOT on and you are right to be angry.

mathanxiety · 09/02/2010 16:55

What about your mum? I'd take a swing at her too while you're at it.

Original poster
1757 · 09/02/2010 16:56

for what it is worth my DH thinks I am a loon and he is probably right!

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 09/02/2010 16:57

Btw you don't need us or anyone to validate your feelings. It is what you are feeling that counts, that is what matters. It is a shame that you feel that people in RL have been less than supportive.

I hope the counselling goes well - the best of luck in that.

WhoIsAsking · 09/02/2010 16:57

He was cruel in the extreme, and your mother should have protected you.

You don't deserve cursing at all. He does.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2010 16:58

you see, the trouble with posting it the way you did, it gets people angry because it looks like you are a woman condoning this treatmet of a young girl

emotions will run high, not surprisingly

have a cup of tea, and come back for whatever validation you feel you need x

AnyFucker · 09/02/2010 17:00

no bollocking for you

bollocking for them

heQet · 09/02/2010 17:00

btw, do you know that if your posts are searched (which I mention because others have alluded to searching this name), your 'regular' name is mentioned by you? If this is not ok for you, you might like to have this thread deleted.

GetOrfMoiLand · 09/02/2010 17:01

Agree Anyfucker.

I felt very angry reading your post as imagined some poor miserable teen sat in her bedroom wondering what the hell is going on with her world. Turns out that the poor teen wasa you some time ago. Which doesn't make it any less important, but it is different.

sarah293 · 09/02/2010 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 09/02/2010 17:02

yes, OP, your name change is clearly signposted

that's why I knew you were normally an OK poster

however, if you are not bothered, I don't think you have said/done anything to be ashamed of....

mathanxiety · 09/02/2010 17:03

Sounds like your DH is a bit like your father and mother?

AnyFucker · 09/02/2010 17:04

and I stuck with this thread, because it has echoes of my own upbringing

(abusive father, mother did not protect me)

Original poster
1757 · 09/02/2010 17:07

heQet - thanks but don't think I will bother. Don't know why I name changed in the first place. Surely it is not of that much importance to people. 1757 aka Roseability has suffered abuse and made some parenting mistakes of her own but is still standing (thanks in part to mumsnet) and will now get on with life and enjoy being a mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
1757 · 09/02/2010 17:10

sorry Getorfmoiland - I know from your previous posts you had a rough childhood. It is different because I am no longer that teenager

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 09/02/2010 19:19

Oh I do feel sorry for you. It is such a shame that your DH is not as supportive as he should be. Blimey. Is there anyone else in real life that you could talk to? I hope so.

I just look at my 14 year old daughter and think how and why. But I am very lucky in that I have her. She is brilliant.

Personally I don't think I will ever get to the bottom of why I was raised like I was, and I think the healing will be very slow. But I know that I am luckier than most in that I have stopped the cycle of abuse at least, and even though I am not a perfect mum I am trying my best, and raising my dd with love. I am sure that you are doing the same.

Best of luck and hope you feel better (trite words I know) soon.

heQet · 09/02/2010 19:26

The only reason I said anything was becase you had namechanged I assumed you wanted it separate from your normal posting name, maybe a relative uses this site, that's often a reason people namechange for things.

As to parenting mistakes - join the club

I hope you can move forward, now you have had the confirmation you needed that what you suffered was abusive (it was!). I hope you can get the support you need.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2010 19:54

good luck, OP

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 10/02/2010 02:50

I thought that by 'DH thinks I'm a loon' the OP means, to have posted as her own mother? Not that she's a loon to be considering whether she was abused.

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