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Original poster

I want a third baby but am afraid people will think...

36 replies

JemL · 04/02/2010 19:56

..."oooh, are you trying for a girl?!?!"

I have 2 DS's and am delighted to be a mum of boys. Although I would have been happy if either of them had been a girl, I don't have any longing for a daughter that I have heard other mums with only boys talk about. However, I have always seen myself as having 3 children, and have been extremely lucky to have had straightforward pregnancies and births - albeit c-sections - both times, so at aged 30, another baby is still a realistic option. However, since having DS2, I have lost count of the number of times people have asked me if I will "try for a girl" next - even the midwife who visited when DS2 was a few days old!

I'd hate my boys to think they were less wanted than a girl, and if I had another boy, I'd hate people to say anything to him, even as a joke, as he got older. Anyone who has been in a similar position, I'd love to hear your experiences!!

OP posts:

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FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 04/02/2010 20:00

Don't let peoples comments stop you trying for another baby. People always say stupid things when a pregnancy is announced.

Some people couldn't understand why we were having a third as we already had a boy and a girl. You can't win.

thisisyesterday · 04/02/2010 20:04

ohh you are me!!!

i had the exact same thing and felt the same as you do about it all.

i DID get comments about "oooh let's hope it's a girl this time" and "i bet you want a girl now don't you?"

i really, really didn't care.

thankfully we had another boy, and he is our last, so i don't have to keep defending myself and saying "no, we didn't just do it for a girl"

Firawla · 04/02/2010 20:08

i have 2 ds and i want more dc, whether boys or girls i still want more, noway should you stop yourself just cos of what some idiots may think! if they say "trying for a girl?" just tell them "no, im not bothered boy or girl" and repeat it each time they mention?
even for ds2 many people thought "you've got a boy so you will be wanting a girl" when i told them its gonna be a boy they were like "oh, a girl would have been nice" i just told them no, i think it will be nice 2 boys to play together. maybe just cos they like girls more themselves or something like that, they make the comments but i am quite happy to have boys - my boys are great & im sure yours are too. your boys wont think that they are not wanted due to some peoples stupid comments, you can prove them otherwise by always letting them know they are wanted and loved.

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Sago · 05/02/2010 08:08

I can understand what you mean OP, but don´t let the possibility of these comments stop you.
We had 2 DDs and wanted a third...we didn´t care what we got but thought the third would be a girl , and in slight ´shock´ when baby turned out to be a boy!!! We did get all the comments: ah, you can stop now you have the boy/ your dh will be pleased/ etc etc. Even strangers would say things like that...I would just play offended and say hey nothing wrong with girls, we love our girls, I was a girl once....etc.
DS is now 2 and we still get some comments like that...but hey, who cares? You know why you want a third and your boys will also know if you tell them.
(at the moment I am getting more comments about the fact that I have three children, went to dr with all three and got a ´hello, did you bring the whole kindergarten?`...whatever.....)

belgo · 05/02/2010 08:12

It's great having three children! After two girls people assumed we wanted a boy but we were just desperate for a third baby. Ignore what people say.

wilbur · 05/02/2010 08:17

People always find something to comment about - when I was pregnant with dc3 I got a lot of people bluntly asking why on earth I was having a third when I "already have one of each" . Charming. Anyway, brace yourself for the "trying for a girl" remarks, develop a non-commital shrug and enjoy your pregnancy and 3rd dc. Having three is chaos but great fun!

girlsyearapart · 05/02/2010 09:09

yep we have the same here. We have two dds and I am due dc3 in august. Both of us would actually prefer to have a girl- mainly because we know what we're doing with girls and have all the stuff but people can't get their heads around that fact!

The other day Dh's friend came over and asked me what we were hoping for. When I said a girl he said 'Well DH must want a boy' I replied 'No actually he also wants it to be a girl' THen DH's friend replied 'Oh that's what he said earlier!'

Turns out they'd already had the conversation but Dh's friend didn't believe him

brimfull · 05/02/2010 09:12

My mother was in the exact same position as you , I came third and she felt all the comments such as "oh you've got your girl now" were insulting to my db no 2.
She went on to have a 4th child to prove a point.

weegiemum · 05/02/2010 09:18

We got the "why bother having another one when you already have one of each?" comments.

I ended up being totally brutally honest with people and just told them it was a massive contraception failure and was totally unplanned. That usually shut them up .

midnightexpress · 05/02/2010 09:20

I got it with my 2nd pg, so can only imagine how much worse it would be with a 3rd (I have two boys as well). But I don't think it's a reason not to try anyway. Just brace yourself and think of a few tart replies (I'm sure the collective wisdom of MN could come up with a few).

spitnpolish · 05/02/2010 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bratnav · 05/02/2010 09:22

Same here, I had 2 DDs and also DSD and DH and I decided it would be nice to have a baby that was 'ours' IYSWIM Cue months of 'ooh you must want a boy' then when we found out it wasa boy 'I bet you're relieved'

It is annoying, and worse, hurtful for the DDs and DSD when they heard such comments. We have decided that we are enjoying DS so much that we would like another child in a couple of years, wonder what the comments will be then?

pagwatch · 05/02/2010 09:40

I had two boys and then six years later we felt brave enough to have another one.

People said it to me but I just answered honestly that 'I don't mind but on baalance I would probably like another boy'
And I think only two or three said it - and it was usually phrased as a question as in 'would you like a girl this time'

You cannot possibly let what a few people will/may say, mostly just for the sake of saying something, deter you from doing what you want.
that would be silly in the extreme

Original poster

JemL · 05/02/2010 10:25

THanks all.

I know I am being silly; I think I am a tad over-sensitive at the moment, becuase there have been quite a few comments in the last week and I'm clearly paranoid!

It's a good point that no matter what gender combination your family is made up of, people still have something to say about it..!

Will start planning a snappy answer!!

OP posts:

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 05/02/2010 13:19

I had enough of being asked what I was hoping for so I just said a baby. Yes, we know that...

pagwatch · 05/02/2010 13:22

just look them in the eye and so 'gosh no! What an extraordinary idea? Do people really think like that?..." and shake your head in wonder that people can be so very odd

That works

When I was pregnant with DD i got a few 'oh do you want a girl' but they were a piece of cake.
The ones I was at were the "are you worried this one won't be normal too".

Afetr that questions about the sex are [pah]

ramblingmum · 05/02/2010 14:00

Some people seem so obsessed with which sex the baby is going to be. I didn't find out the sex when pregnant with either of my dds. I got so fed up with the question "What are you having?" I nearly said puppies.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 05/02/2010 14:11

I said an elephant once as I had had enough.

2greatboysandabump · 05/02/2010 14:13

You could be me a few months ago. I'm currently expecting DC3 due early June and also had to prepare myself for the "you must be wanting a girl this time". Yes I do get asked that all the time but just smile sweetly and say either would be lovely and in my head do a sarcastic response. We haven't found out what we are having so can truthfully answer that we are having a lovely surprise.

Don't let worrying about other peoples responses put you off .

zipzap · 05/02/2010 14:19

Just say that you're hoping for a kitten this time

Fab - you're brave wanting an elephant [big ouch smiley]

wheredidmyfeetgo · 05/02/2010 14:23

I'm 32 and have two DS's both under 3, I'm 19 weeks pregnant with DC3.
I'm so fed up with people saying so your trying/ hoping for a girl then?
It makes me feel really sorry for my boys, the are so gorgeous and I love having 2 DS's. I really don't mind what we have this time. We have our 20 week scan next week, I don't want to find out what we are having partly because I want the surprise this time round (we found out with both DS's) but partly so people will understand that it really doesn't matter to me.
I just want a healthy baby!

hewasmytwin · 05/02/2010 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FabIsGoingToBeFabIn2010 · 05/02/2010 14:36

Number 3 was an elephant compared to one and two!

going · 05/02/2010 14:36

I have two girls and a boy. When I was pregnant with DS I did get some comments asking if I was trying for a boy and I just said 'no, a healthy baby'.

As others have pointed out you will get comments what ever situation you are in!

Ispy · 05/02/2010 18:18

hewasmytwin said it perfectly

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