I'm normally a patient parent, I have a little PMT at the moment but if he corrects me one more time I may blow my top. What do I do?

[BelleDeChocolateFluffyBunny]

He's very bright, I go through it time and time again, he shouldn't correct people because they don't like it. I couldn't give a shite that I've spelt something incorrectly, worse things happen. He's 10, everything I try just seems to go through one ear and out of the other. He has to have the last word in everything aswell. It's driving me nuts.

And breathe

Sorry nothing helpful to suggest, just offering a bit of support and hoping you can try to remain calm!

He's in bed now (thank goodness). I don't want a 10 year old correcting me, I know he's trying to be helpful but it just pisses me off.

I have to say, I never mind being corrected and I actually learn things as a result.

Why don't people like to be corrected? I know my DH doesn't - he will happily do something in the most painfully slow and excruciatingly inefficient way, than have someone throw an alternative idea his way.

I've never got my head round it.

He does this at school, it also irritates his teacher. He's 10, I'm 32, she's 20 something. It's not the done thing, people need to make their own mistakes and find their own way sometimes. I will ask if I need help.

I think it depends on the frequency of the corrections, and the way in which they are delivered.

Correction is a form of criticism, and when its unsolicited its not constructive. It can lead to lowered self esteem and a general lack of confidence.

Not sure how I'd feel receiving it from my son, I'm fairly sure I too would find that very frustrating. I assume you've tried to explain that sometimes its OK for people to do things differently or just to make mistakes, provided there's no bad consequences of course.

MrsTriangle - what is slow and excruciating to you may simply be taking it steady and not rushing to others? My DH is constantly showing me how his way is 'better', and quite frankly, it just makes me leave more and more things for him to do - as he's clearly so much better than me

I think as well it's fine if a peer were to correct you, but this is a 10 year old boy and it would probably piss me off.

Actually it pisses me off when my 2 year old charge corrects my geordie accent (her parents are both well spoken southerners).

Not sure how to help though :/

Thankyou LaTour.

It's every day, almost every hour, sometimes more frequent. I've tried scenarios so he can see how annoying it is, I've tried explaining that we don't do this because it makes people feel stupid and bad about themselves, that children won't want to be his friend if he does this, he say's he wants to help and this is more important then friends (sigh), he knows that everyone's different and we all have different ways of doing things, again, he just wants to help and carries on. I also find him quite intrusive, he looks over my shoulder when I write emails, he listens into phone calls, he will come to the front door when I am opening it to someone, I feel as if I have no space sometimes, I have very little privacy from him. I really need to tackle this as any future girlfriend will have real problems with how he controls things. His excuse is that people shouldn't have secrets from each other and we should respect each other (argh!!).

I'm so pleased I'm not suffering alone juney.

She's got fabulous speech for a 2.2 year old lol but sometimes its annoying when she's saying "its barth not bath"

Ds is like this, incredibly bright, very articulate, he's getting too old for this now and nothing I seem to try has any effect.

Blimey, he does sound extraordinarily pushy. Does he not understand that he would hate it if you did it to him? And were always leaning over his shoulder, waiting to leap on any mistakes?

You need some personal space. Crack down on the email/phone call thing right NOW. This is not acceptable behaviour from a 6yo, let alone a 10yo!

My ds is six, and he irritates me sometimes by 'correcting' me (usually when I'm knackered and don't pronounce a word clearly enough for His Majesty). But nothing as extreme as your ds. (When mine does it, I tell him off for being cheeky.)

He can be a lovely boy, caring and considerate. Then he behaves like this. I regularly tell him off (daily) because he wants to know what I'm writing and becomes offended if I don't want to tell him, then I get backchat, I end up shouting at him, he sulks. I've spoken to him about privacy, what things to keep to yourself, when to tell someone/a bad secret. He keeps saying he wouldn't mind if I were over his shoulder all the time watching what he was doing. I find it really intrusive. I refuse to let him get away with it but it's a battle all the time.

Ah, the reason I asked how would he like it was in case you could use that as a way to reason with him, but see from your reply that it wouldn't help. Darn.

Thing is, you are the adult, he is the child - it's not his job to monitor or control you. And you DO mind, anyway, and he should respect your wishes and feelings.

Is he at all insecure?

He's very bright and very confident. He doesn't think that children are given an equal status in our society, he thinks they are undervalued and should be treated as an equal to an adult. He takes great offence if he see's a child being told off by it's parent and will always take the child's side without knowing what's going on. I agree that it's not his place to monitor me, I think that as I monitor him (which sites he looks at etc), he sees it as his role to do the same.

I don't think he's insecure, he just has a equal rights lawyer way of seeing the world. It's a PITA to be honest.
Do you think finding some books on people and their roles in society would help?

Thankyou

Is there anyone else that can have a good long talk to him, apart from you? Someone that he would maybe take notice of?

Not really. His teacher is trying (I'm sooo grateful that I finally have backup). He takes notice of me (normally), he thinks the world of me, he has said he just wants to help and that he can't stop himself, this is what kids do, then I calmly explain that this isn't what other children do, it's just him, then he has to respond. I feel like I live in the twilight zone. He likes philosophy and sociology, he's always asking questions about people (why they behave this way, social structure etc), there's a priest at the university I attend but I don't know if it's appropriate for me to approach him to ask if he can chat with ds, he's very intelligent (the priest, knows alot about philosophy and sociology)

Then give the priest a try.

Does he have friends of his own age? Or is this actually becoming a problem?

I'd suggest you stop trying to stifle your feelings, blow your top, and show him just how seriously annoying his behaviour is. You've given him loads of warnings over the years but he appears not to believe you when you tell him he's irritating you.

I think this is one of those rare scenarios where it is ok to be cruel to be kind.

He has friends at school, he has had real problem in the past, he's been moved about a bit, he was at a lovely little school and was doing really well, the head left without warning and the new one took a dislike to ds (and me as I am a single mother), he suggested I pack ds off to a boarding school with a firm housemaster (he was bonkers by the way), he was at the next school for a term and a half, it was a pain to get to and I became ill and unable to get him there so he moved to the local school. Academically he's years ahead, he was bored but I wanted him to make friends where we lived so he could see them in the holidays. He got to the stage where a few (three) children were throwing footballs into his face and kicking him into filling cabinets, it was a nightmare. We found a small church school which he moved to in September. He has made friends there which is really good, they live all over the place. He did spend time in the holidays at games workshop but the behaviour and attitude of the staff and some of the children isn't good. He makes friends easily though, he's funny and intersting so this has never been a problem. He does get some childrens backs up though IYSWIM.

I did that last week bibbity. In Marks and Spencers. I just had enough. I just wish he'd be quiet sometimes.

Have you ever had him assessed for Aspergers traits?

He's not been assessed. He's empathetic, he makes friends, has eye contact etc. His curret head teacher believes that he's so bright that his mouth opens far quicker then his brain can control it. He's creative, copes well with sudden changes in plans so I don't think he has Aspergers, if he did then it's incredibly mild.

But the "treatment" as it were, might be similar to dealing with someone wit hAspergers in that he may have to learn how to deal with other people, even if it doesn't come naturally to him. In other words, if he's bright, then he can apply his intelligence to trying to understand the rest of us, and how privacy, respect and general give and take are important in sustaining relationships. Perhaps your priest can try to explain this - might be better coming from someone else.
Even if he doesn't get it yet, being only 10, maybe he can be persuaded to apply the rules.

I'll try the priest, he's a very clever bloke I've been told. I did try a social skills book, it did help him make friends. Even at nursery he'd not play with the children, he'd just walk around with the nursery nurses and talk to them. He could read at 3 so he'd sit and read rather then play. They did try to integrate him, he'd play alongside them and not with them IYSWIM. He always prefered adult company so he could talk to them. My sister's son is exaclty the same, always asking the staff questions, he's advanced aswell.

Can I just say, you set an awful lot of store by people being clever and advanced - social intercourse is also about kindness and respect among other things. Do you think your son is picking up vibes from you about all this?