So when are you supposed to start enjoying it?

[roslily]

Because I really do not enjoy being a mum. I think maybe i am not cut out for it. My friends with babies seem to be naturals, they don't seem to mind four hours sleep a night, and their babies are developing quickly.

I am not happy with no sleep, i cried this morning and just wanted to tell my 4 month old ds to piss off and let me sleep (i didn't, i got up at 5am like i always do)

I just don't get it when people talk about loving parenting, and gazing at their babies. At the moment my favourite time is when he is asleep so i can have a wee on my own and eat something.

Is this normal? I am feeling resentful today, just wanna sleep, or meet some friends for lunch, or have a coffee and read a book and I can't.(he won't tolerate being still so lunches, coffees, meeting anyone is impossible)

God i am horrible for thinking this

oh 4m is hell

you are normal

have you a sling so you can at least stick hoim in and get on with stuff?

I know exactly how you feel, and if you do a search you'll find many others. For me it got better once I got more sleep. My DD (2yo now) still irritates the hell out of me some says, but I get alot of pleasure too.

Accept that some things will be shyte, but that overall it WILL get better. I think you just get a little window in the day when you feel like you've ejoyed/achieved something, then the window opens a bit more and so on...

Did you work? Are you getting any help?

You have my sympathies. Also consider whether you are infact suffering from PND.

Have been diagnosed with PND and am on ADs, but when i go back to doctors she just keeps upping the dose which makes me more sleepy.

I don't get much help, my parents live 3hrs away and dh is a bit useless. I just thought i'd enjoy it a bit more. And worry that i'm doing it all wrong as my ds smiles later than other babies, holds things later- all the babies his age are rolling over and picking things up for themselves and he just sits and stares at people.

no, you are normal IMO - it does get easier though!

you'll figure some way of meeting up with friends (anyone else in similar boat so have a child-friendly place to go for a brew/chat?) - can you go to a playgroup in the meantime?

i repeat - it does get easier - be very cynical and don't believe the hype from those who pretend it's all roses - they are liars!!

(BTW- can anyone do a get-up so you can get a lie-in once in a while?)

You are completely normal.

awww... normal i'm afraid. I didn't start really bonding with DS until he was 8mo, but once I did it was amazing.

I swear it's the sleep deprivation that does it..

One thing that helped me was having an absolutely gorgeous pic of DS around so that when he was screaming bloody murder I had an image I could look at that made me smile.

oh, just saw your most recent post...

you need a break, some more support from husband...i also went and stayed at my mums after a couple of months - she lives 6hours away so i know how hard that is. maybe you need to get a second doctors opinon, too...there must be more support available from that end - i am not the person to know but sure others here will.

p.s. don't worry about baby taking his time smiling etc, but i know that makes it slightly less "gratifying" IYSWIM

You're not doing anything wrong. Babies do things in their own time. My nearly 8 month old doesn't roll from back to front yet. But he babbles like anything.

It is hard when you're not getting any help or any sleep. Is there no way your DH can be made to help?

You can do what has been suggested to many people before...hand him the baby and leave for the day.

I know how you feel OP. I really did not enjoy the entire first year. It's a heck of a lot of work for a little lump who basically eats, cries, poops and little else!

Now my DS is 16mths. He's still an enormous pain in the butt sometimes but you also start to get so many rewards - walking, speech, the beginnings of a little personality! The change is unbelievable so just hang in there and tell yourself that it WILL get better.

You say your DH is "a bit useless." No excuse for that, I'm afraid. Get him involved and take a break for yourself!

All I can add here is don't get involved in baby Olympics and avoid any mums that like to compare. DD rolled over the same week as she started to crawl, months and months and months after everyone else's baby (she is now 3).

On a more practical level, have you considered borrowing/begging/buying a swinging chair, we had a simple bouncy one I could jiggle with my foot but there are more sophisticated versions out there and they can be sanity savers for some mums.

Get yourself out too, I planned a walk every day in a sling or with the pram - kept me sane, meant I got to see other adults.

Children services drop-ins are good too, if there are any in your area, someone else would take dd whilst I had a cup of HOT tea!

Don't fret you are doing a great job!

you are completely normal , agree with tee2027 , plonk your baby in your dh's arms & run for the door , a couple of hours away from the baby & house etc will really make a big difference .

Hi Roslily,

Just wanted to say that you are most definitely not alone. I feel the very same way a lot of the time with my DS (almost 6 months)...really thought I would absolutely love being on maternity leave, but so much of the time it just feels like hard, hard, hard (and boring) work with not a huge amount of reward and next to no break either. My DS doesn't really do daytime naps so I barely get a second to myself all day which is tough. My DS sounds like yours too...not a particularly settled baby and not at all good at being content during lunches / coffees so if we do meet up with e.g. my antenatal group, I'm always the first to leave (before DS goes into total meltdown). Lost count of the number of times I've left somewhere before I've really wanted to as DS has just got so girny....I just have to take him away. Also he cries every time he goes into either his car seat or pram (without fail) which always makes leaving the house pretty stressful.

Also I can definitely relate to the development stuff - my DS at 6mo still detests being on his tummy, doesn't roll over, definitely does not sleep through the night etc etc - sometimes it feels as if everyone else's babies are leaps and bounds ahead...I know this feels crap.

I think this time of year is hard too - took DS to the zoo today (we're members and it's near our house so we go quite a lot) - actually just felt really quite depressing wandering around an almost deserted zoo with all the animals basically inside hibernating because it's so flippin' cold... what fun?!

Anyway - sorry, not too many words of advice here but just thought I would offer some support. xx

I felt like this for the first 5 weeks, I cried for the first 2 weeks and was stuck in for the first 2 weeks due to snow!

One day I woke up and went on the internet made a list like this:

Mon Morning - Bumps and Babies at local church hall
Tues afternoon - swim babes
Wed - shopping then walk in the park
Thurs - Another baby group in afternoon
Fri - meetup with a friend for brekfast or lunch

I met so many people at these groups and after chatting it surfaced that some felt the same as me or if not worse.

It took me a little while because - looking back - I was too hard on myself I'd gone from being a very organised, tidy, immaculated dressed person to someone who was trying to still be the same but with a baby, hardly any sleep and still running a perfect shipa t home - its impossible for the first few months if not years!!!

Step back, get a routine and get yourself out...it really helped me. Also summer is so, so much better, warm weather, walks in the park, picnics etc.. Oh yes my hubby came home and said go book a week at Center Parcs - it was bliss!!!

Your DH needs to get his arse into gear - you can't get away with being "a bit useless" when the mother of your child needs more support than she's getting.

Talk to him. Spell it out - and be specific: don't just say I need more help, say I need you to do X, Y and Z.

And it will get better - he will have his own disctinct personality soon, and that rush of love will come. But you need rest, and a bit of time to yourself.

I can't remember when I started to have more good days than bad days, but it wasn't any time in the first year and I'm pretty sure was directly linked to when my first child started to sleep properly

Hi again,

I forgot to say that you should definitely get your DH more involved. My DH has certain responsibilities for instance the 10.30pm / 11pm feed - he has to do everything including preparing the bottle etc - means I can go to bed and leave him completely to it. That is a real godsend as once DS goes to bed at 7pm I'm off duty (until whenever he wakes in the early hours.... )

Also my DH does DS's bath pretty much every night.

Yes we had Hubby jobs aswell - he did all bottles and steriliser, did last feed, and always did bath time, I dont think I actually bathed ds till he was aroudn 4 months!!!

Hi, you are not alone in feelng like this... in my circle of friends the majority of us did at some point.

Three practical things that worked for me: 1) You need to get out, every day, even if you only walk to the local shop, do something.

2)Take some time, however short where you are not responsible for the baby, so DH needs to step up, even taking a bath on your own will make a world of difference.

3. Make sure you are doing some of the nice baby things. We got in a bit of a cycle where DH and visitors cuddled DS1, took lots of photos, drank tea and ate cake. They gave me the baby when he was crying, needed a nappy change or needed feeding (which was a struggle). Once we recognised this I spent a day on the sofa cuddling DS, drinking tea and eating cake - it was an entirely different (and much more enjoyable) experience.

Hope things improve soon

Thanks. I do go to all teh baby groups, unfortunately these are full of "sleeping thorugh babies" grr. I know it isn't always true, but I find it hard to open up. I also spend most of my time at these groups holding ds and walking round as he refuses to lie on mat. Most of the women won't hold him anymore as he has either screamed or puked on them. So no-one really offers anymore!

I have a sling, but he hates it indoors. He screams in it (and pram and car seat) until we get outside. And then only if facing outwards!

I know you shouldn't compare babies, I just worry that it is me as all teh babies who are rolling over/sitting up etc have mums who seem to love it, play with them, sing to them, go to all thr groups (rythmn time, baby yoga etc)

I had a baby swing, but ds got bored by it, he gets bored by everything after a few weeks!

I will keep going and hope it gets better.

There's a massive difference between reasonably settled babies (who probably don't ALWAYS sleep through and all that guff, but will sit in a baby chair or lie on a mat for a short while) and very fussy, squarky ones and a corresponding difference in the mother's mental and physical well-being, I have found having had one of each. Your ds does sound quite unsettled - have you tried or considered a cranial osteopath/homeopath. They can be hit or miss but I do know people who's whole experience of those early months was transformed by a timely dose of complimentary therapies. Time will help - I know it's hard to believe now - but it will.

I agree with Rose - perhaps there is a medical reason as to why your DS is so unsettled. Both my nieces were like this, and it was down to various dietry problems that once diagnosed changed things for my poor SIL.

People definitely LIE and put on a 'front' when comparing babies. Only very recently did one of my antenatal friends admit she feels the same as me much of the time and liked the fact I tell it like it is. It took about 18mo for her to admit it though. Sad isn't it?

I loved the first year and found the toddler years hugely difficult. DS is starting preschool and I very guiltily feel that I have 'survived' the last year at home with him. My point is that everyone is different, and different people find different stages easier or harder - and a lot depends on the dc, of course. Your friends who are finding it easy now may have their own troubles later and you might find the older stages much easer.

once he's in the pram and outside and moving is he ok?

if so then you need to find a friend who will go for walks with you - a couple of miles in the park or along the canal (we live by a nice canal path) gossiping will make you feel great. i'm sure there are people who would want to do this with you - for the fresh air or the fitness.

My health visitors run a walking group twice a week where you shove put the kids in a buggy and all go for a nice walk together. Maybe you could look into something like that?

You are normal though. I remember wondering how the world keeps turning when I am soooooooo exhausted and other people are too but they must keep going. The thing is you ARE keeping going, you just feel like shite, most likely everyone else does too!