So when are you supposed to start enjoying it?

[roslily]

Because I really do not enjoy being a mum. I think maybe i am not cut out for it. My friends with babies seem to be naturals, they don't seem to mind four hours sleep a night, and their babies are developing quickly.

I am not happy with no sleep, i cried this morning and just wanted to tell my 4 month old ds to piss off and let me sleep (i didn't, i got up at 5am like i always do)

I just don't get it when people talk about loving parenting, and gazing at their babies. At the moment my favourite time is when he is asleep so i can have a wee on my own and eat something.

Is this normal? I am feeling resentful today, just wanna sleep, or meet some friends for lunch, or have a coffee and read a book and I can't.(he won't tolerate being still so lunches, coffees, meeting anyone is impossible)

God i am horrible for thinking this

I found the first year incredibly hard. I loved DS but didn't enjoy being a mum very often. For the first six months it was mostly a case of: if he was awake, then he was crying. He got a bit happier after that, then went through several months of extreme grouchiness.

For us, everything changed when he learned to crawl - a little late, at 11.5 months. He got so much happier overnight - the nursery even commented that he was like a different baby. I think so much of his unhappiness was caused by frustration. From there he learned to walk within a few weeks, and now he is 15 months and a happy, affectionate little toddler. It really is fun to spend time with him now, and being a mum is like a completely different experience.

Sleepwise - he woke 4 times a night until we night-weaned him at 6.5 months (he was fully breastfed). Until recently he's woken for the day at about 5am, so we've both still been pretty tired, but in the last few weeks he's been making it to 7am most days, so things are really looking up!

Oh, and I know what you mean about comparing yourself to your friends - lots of mine had happy, smiling babies that only cried when something was actually wrong, and they loved being with them and hated going back to work. I went back to work part-time at 5.5 months and it really kept me sane, maternity leave was a nightmare.

4 months is vile

DD is 15 weeks - wakes every 2 hours for food at night and i am on my knees especially as she really doesn't settle until gone 9 pm

I really don't enjoy babyhood - i was the same with DS but wait until toddlerhood

this IMO is a much under rated age

i also agree that when your DH gets home, he takes over and you have a bath/rest/read etc

it does get better - i have lived to tell the tale with DS and had another but in the moment it can feel hideous

My DD1 is nearly five now, and at school as I type. But she was very, very like your little one at that kind of age and I still vividly remember how unbelievably hard and soul-destroying it is. I had a group of NCT friends who had relatively settled babies (i.e. you could put them down for 10 seconds without them screaming blue murder) and it is just so depressing to think about them putting their feet up (or even doing the cleaning) while their babies have a nap or gurgle contentedly when yours never does. That's no help at all, I suppose - except that you have every right to feel exhausted and miserable now, but it will get better - for us around 7 months when she started sleeping a bit better.

Whilst I agree that a lot of people feel like this when their babies are very young, I'm afraid I am going to go against the grain here and say I don't think it is "normal" to be quite so negative about it all.

I see you are on anti depressants for PND. Could you arrange a talking therapy as well?

Yes, having a newborn is very tough, the sleep deprivation is awful, it can be a tremendous shock to the system. We all understand.

However, I am worried about you . I think you should be seeking more help rather than seeking solace here.

It's really really hard at this stage, please don't beat yourself up. It's very much one way, you are doing all the caring and the baby is in control of when you sleep/shower/switch off etc.

I agree with the others - get out as much as you can! Even if you have to keep him in the pram - he sounds like my babies that he likes to be distracted and gets restless quickly at home. Probably because I am the same, I can't sit still at the weekend I always have to be doing something.

Health Visitor's always used to say "happy mummy, happy baby" and I think that's true. So try and find one of the things you used to do and see if you can make it happen with DS in tow. If going to a cafe is too difficult, then could you go to a friend's for coffee and get them to take a turn holding and amusing him?

I know it's not everyone's cup of tea but have you tried gently getting him into a routine? No matter how hard a morning I'm having, if I know DD3 will have a good lunchtime nap it's just bliss! I can have "me time" and it's taken me three children to realise that there is nothing wrong with needing time for yourself every day.

And ignore this "conspiracy of silence" about how great everyone's finding motherhood. Half of them will be fibbing/putting on a brave front/or will just have a different way of looking at things - ie to some sleeping through is from 11pm-4am - for some it's 7pm-7am!

I find it massively easier once they get to about 6 months so hang in there!

I was thinking about this the other day.

For me, the first 3 months were hell on earth. I spent most of the time panicking or crying or both. DD was an awful sleeper, wouldn't feed properly and spent a lot of time crying. People kept saying it would get better but I couldn't see it at the time and even if I did believe them time seemed to be going so slowly that it wasn't much consolation.

By about 4 months I was starting to get into the swing of things a bit more, stopped stressing so much and had a few moments each day when I enjoyed being a mum.

6 months we started BLW which has been the best thing I've done so far. Adds a whole new dimension to the day & great to see how much she enjoys her food and how she can work out how to eat things.

DD is now 8 months. I seriously don't know where the last 4 months have gone. She is so different - interacts more, laughs, plays, moves etc. I do enjoy most of it now. She's still not a great sleeper but I think that now I've seen how much she has changed in the last few months I can rationalise that it won't be forever.

Have you got his medication sorted out yet? I'm sure this will make a big difference.

I am cross on your behalf with the other women at the baby groups - surely they can see how much you need a break.

Now he's 4 months would he enjoy one of those door bouncers or entertainment stations? I think DD used to like these at about that age and it gave me 10 minutes or so without having to carry her around.

Have you been to any less formal baby groups? I remember getting in a right state at baby massage when all the other babies were happy lying on their backs having a massage and I was pacing up and down with DD. It's much better at the church hall type ones where it's a bit of a free for all.

DS is 12 months and - being really honest - I am just starting to enjoy it (except his teething - see other thread ). I thought I was losing my mind for most of the first year and I struggled badly with anxiety, and depression now I look back on it (I still do but trying to work it out).

It will get better I promise but in the meantime, your DH needs to step up. Being a bit useless isn't on when you have a wife and baby - especially one with PND. If he is being lazy then a kick up the arse will suffice, but he may be as strung out as you. Have a chat, tell him how you are feeling and that you need more help, he may well be wanting you to tell him how he can help. Some men need a bit of coaching .