Hiya
did add this to a thread that had already been started but have been advised to start a new one so I could get more advice.
My son has said that he wants to live with his dad as he doesn't moan at him (ie about homework, getting up for school etc). Also, his dad has filled his head full of rubbish saying that my partner and I were having an affair before my son was even born! ( I didn't even know him until he was 3)
I haven't had any contact from my son for nearly a week and the last thing his dad said is that he wants him living with him permanently, but he doesn't work, smokes cannabis and would rather look at the 4 walls then do something constructive with his life. He says he can't afford to have him live there so wants child benefit, and claim for him etc. He also suffers with depression - I just think his home is not a good enviroment for my son and his dad is not a good role model.
My partner says that I should let him go and live with his dad permanently otherwise my son will keep walking all over me but it's breaking my heart.
Really don't know what to do - I do everything I can for my son, but he told me that because I 'moan' at him he respects his dad and not me.
My son is 12, nearly 13. It's been a week now and haven't seen him. What makes it hard as well is that his dad lives within walking distance from our house, so what is happening is that when I am trying to make bounderies for my son and he doesn't like it, he says he's going to live there (this being the 2nd time now), then his dad takes over and says that he wants him living there permanently because I can't control him and that if he lives there, he will.
I can't communicate with my ex anymore as we just end up arguing, when i try and talk he just brings up that I have messed up his life. We broke up over 11 years ago and blames everyone else for his problems, he's very paranoid and has always suffered with depression since I've known him, but of course the cannabis would make it worse - so you can imagine what he's saying to my son.
When it happened the first time,my son started popping in on his way to school if I wasn't at work. Then he said that he'd have to start staying at home sometimes as his dad didn't have any food, then he just ended up back at home. This time his dad is saying he wants to do it properly and get his child benefit etc.
My partner and I also have a 10 month old baby girl. I've told him how I feel, and he thinks that if I get my son to come home and it's not his own choice, that he is just gonna keep walking all over me and he doesn't want any arguing because of the baby. Which is true but what else can I do? My son has got the attitude that he can do what he wants, if I said that he's not to go down his dads after school and I want him to come home, he will just say that he was. I've tried taking things away from him, but then he can go to his dads and do what he likes.
I'm trying to be happy all the time for the sake of my baby, but just want my other baby to be at home too, I feel lost without him.
Any advice would be much appreciated.