how much do you play with your children?

[LetThemEatCake]

I've got 3 dcs, all at home (except for 2.5 days of nursery for dc1) No family around, so it's just me with all 3 all/ most of the time.

I just don't seem to be able to play with them enough. Or, to put it another way, they don't seem happy playing independently of me. In the car, when I'm bfing the baby, no matter what's going on they want - demand - my attention and involvement, particularly dc1 who loves 'plays' and 'acting out'.

example day yesterday - cooped up all day due to snow. We acted out Goldilocks, Red Riding Hood & Hansel & Gretel (complete with costumes etc). We made & decorated snowflakes. We played with dinosaurs and cars, We did a workout dvd (I wanted to do it so figured just easier to involve them) We read books. We played 'cafe' at lunchtime. We played 'hairdresser'. We played 'swimming'.

Some days I feel I'm going mad. I just want some brain space, or to be able to bf baby with my own thoughts, without someone saying "so mummy, I'll be XXXX and you be XXXXX"

DH reckons I play with them too much and doesn't see why I don't just stick the TV on (I kind of have this "not before 4pm" rule - ) He reckons that if I refused to play with them, they'd be forced to make their own fun. Yet I feel like a crap mum when I do this.

What do you think and what do you do with your dcs?

I think you do do a lot!
I do very little.

are they not supposed to play together?

my mother never played with us, that's why she had 4 kids so she didn't have to

Wow! I'm sort of with your dh on this - not the tv bit (though that has its place), but that they should learn to entertain themselves. I do play with them sometimes (I have two), but they usually play with each other and they've always played together a lot (mine are older now - 8 and 6). That was always my mum's advice - make sure they know how to entertain themselves. I also think it's ok for them to bored sometimes. I would have done the workout dvd, cafes for lunch or tidying up games (basically making games of things I wanted to do or needed to get done myself) - they could either join in or go and find something more interesting. isn't that the whole point of having more than one child - so you don't have to play with them all the time?

I have one and even I don't play that much with her

I think you are doing lovely things with your kids and there is nothing wrong with the no tv thing either. I have 3 and I think it is hard -what wouldn't be hard to handle with 1 or 2 is harder with 3.

However I think your dh has a small point.
My 3 really don't want me to play all the time - you have to with 1 child, but they need to play with other children (ie their siblings) too.

I basically set things up (eg put the box of farm stuff in a prominent place or put the playdoh on the table) and then withdraw to clean/make calls/whatever. Or they just go off and start playing in their room with each other- they have been doing this since around the age of 2 1/2 or 3. Or sometimes I just go off and doi stuff and have no idea what they're doing.

I have to say I don't interfere with rows/ rowdy play or anything much unless blood is drawn or there's things getting broken.

saying no isn't bad for them you know. I often say no to a request for play-it's ok - you are allowed. You're also allowed to say no I don't want to that again, but shall we play this?

I now do what I enjoy- like jenga or baking and leave the marathon role plays to them!

yeah, they do play together ... think part of the problem is that dc1 has very, very developed speech while dc2 is much more in line with his age ... so dc1 wants someone to speak out roles etc in a way that dc2 can't. Hence my involvement when bfing or driving - I have to kind of be narrator, iyswim? By the same token, think dc2 wants me involved to redress the balance (dc1 very bossy)

on the days that dc1 is in nursery, it's soooo much easier - dc2 loves me to play but will by the same token just get on and tinker with lego etc

Play? With children? How can you MN if you're playing with the children? daft idea that!

On the days when ds1 and ds2 cannot be persuaded to entertain each other, I go round to my friend's house. She has children the same age and tehy can entertain mine (very happily, I should add) while we gossip supervise carefully.

This is my biggest guilt trip!! I have 3 too. DD1 4, DD2 2.5 and DS 3 months. I constantly beat myself up for not playing with them enough and I certainly don't play with them as much as the OP does with hers.

I find that if left alone too long the girls fight so I tend to get up, get everyone fed and dressed then they play in their room or watch tv for an hour ( not the baby!) while I tidy up and have a shower and get myself dressed. Then we go out. Normally to a toddler group or play session at the childrens centre - I find this a cheap way to get 3 of them out and entertained for a couple of hours and most of the groups I go to include some art and craft activity which means you don't have to have the mess at home!!

Then back home for lunch, take DD1 to nursery for the afternoon and twice a week I do afternoon toddler groups with DD2 and baby and one afternoon is spent having a friend and her LO over or going to her house and the other 2 afternoons DD2 goes to nursery and I try and get housework done and spend a bit of one on one with the baby!!

I find playing repetitive toddler games drives me insane so prefer to take them out to places they can play and I can chat with other mums. This is a cop out I know and I wish I could have the patience to play more with them but I just don't!

Being at home with 3 is very hard and you need to manage it so that you get some time to feel normal too!

That's a classic scenario letthemeatcake. DC1 well advanced as a result of undivided parental attention, DC2 bringing up the rear with no need to try to hard as DC1 is there to speak for him. My ds (dc2) learned nearly everything he knows from my bossy dd on the basis that she was desperately trying to get him up to speed as a playmate! Let them get on with it. (Though your games sound lovely).

I do understand your dilemma. I only have one dd but she was always very demanding and never played on her own as a toddler. When she got to 3, I started to just withdraw sometimes, and try to insist that she occupy herself. Even just a few minutes!!

We didn't really turn the corner until she was 4. Now I sometimes say I am going to read my book for a while and she has to do something or other.

I do feel guilty sometimes - but we play with her a lot still. I think it's really important that children don't totally rely on adult input. When she was very young I acepted it because there was so little she could really do - but now she's getting older I expect her to manage for 20-30 minutes at a time.

If I had more than one I would definitely be encorouging them to fend for themsleves. I frequently import other mums and kids for this very purpose.

I also agree thoough, that TV is not the best fall back option.

I am rubbish at playing. I do make an effort, but DH seems to have infinite patience with craft activities and building huge lego constructions, whereas I do not. I can't stand Cbeebies and it's ilk either. I tend to let them get on with it, whilst I drink wine and MN.

On the other hand, I am much better at out of the house stuff - organising play dates, dance class, going swimming, going to the park, soft play, arranging days out. So DH in reality ends up with much more totally "free" time than I do. ie He gets to watch footie in peace and quiet, whereas when he is playing I am doing the ironing or something.

I have 1. Today:

We had cuddles in bed with breakfast - he watched cbeebies on the half the laptop, I MN'ed on the other half.

We got ready and went to Tesco - did the shopping

Came home, ds had nap.

He got up, we played with playdoh for a bit, and did some mixing.

Went to post office.

Came home, made fairy cakes, iced them, did funny faces on them.

Had tea

Went out for a walk in the dark with dh, torch, next doors' dog.

Bed.

I'll send him down next week

You cleary are super-mum.

I don't play with ds1(6) or ds2(1) that much.

I have 2 dd's aged 3 and 8 months and I don't play very much with either of them. I'll do things with dd1 such as baking/crafty things etc and like the post above - I'll make games up of the things that need to be done (she now loves cleaning ). But as for the getting down on my knees and playing pretend games for ages - I think I would rather eat my own eyeballs. I'm so impressed that you had the patience to act out all those nursery rhymes. DD1 will happily play independantly with her barbie dolls or colouring books. DD2 will crawl around pulling things out of cupboards etc! I am always around though in the same room doing things and we chatter throughout the day.

dd2 is now getting quick to crawl and I am really encouraging dd1 to play with her. Both children spend a lot of time in the company of other children.

I've always felt that I am their mum who nurtures and cares for them, not their entertainer. As for the TV thing - I have no hesitation letting my children watch it in the day. If I was stuck in the house all day on my own - I would put it on for a bit too! I actually think that cebeebies is good fuelling for their imagination and helps them with play (or am I just saying that to make myself feel better about allowing my children to watch too much tv...)

You are clearly a devoted dedicated mother, but they are becoming over reliant on you.

I have 2 (3.7 and 1.7) they mostly play together and like defineme I try not to intervene in arguments (I do keep an ear out and peacemake if really necessary) because they need to learn how to resolve conflict themselves and there will be a natural-age-defined pecking order.

I do play with them but it is definitely not the majority of the time.

We very rarely have TV on before 4

do they attend pre-school - they would probably love a few sessions a week there from your description

oh sorry, saw it at start of thread! does she have five half mornings or a few full days in there? ds had the former and it took the pressure off me in that respect

"five half mornings" - SORRY, making no sense tonight; i meant half days!!!!

dc1 has 2 full days at nursery and one morning.

We do go to lots of groups/ soft play etc but I guess the dynamic has changed a bit since having dc3 at the end of last year .. the logistics and practialities of getting them all out and sorted in time for a 10 am group - especially in winter - is sometimes a bit more than I can handle. We'll be all ready and then dc3 needs a feed, dc2 needs the loo ... etc etc

I think we'll be out a lot more once it warms up. Everything is easier when it's warm

re; playdates etc I've sort of backed away from them of late. I feel kind of awkward about them, now that I've got 3 in 3 years, I don't know anyone else in that boat, so I feel like pitching up en masse is just too much. In the same way, I find playdates at our house a bit much to handle - if the mum hangs around and wants to chat it;s just more noise - and I find I get really irritated by other people's kids - probably just bc I'm irritated by mine.

Gosh, not painting a very good picture am I?

It's funny though because even at parks/ soft play/ drop off at nursery etc I find that other kids gravitate towards us and want to join in with what we're doing. Before I know it I have a bunch of kids swarming around wanting to be one of the goats crossing the trolls bridge or whatever, while their relaxed, coffee drinking mums say "gosh, you should go into business...."

It's my own fault, isn't i??!!!

LTEC you ae obv such a fun Mum they all want to join in!

I once went out and bought finger paints and painted DS's hand and stuck it to a bit paper.....it really bored me and didn't entertain me one bit !

Noooo I have to get out the house. Im good with swimming and play dates and going to the park but the minute im in the house with him I glaze over. DH covers my ass by being the most patient man on the planet so he is entertained to within an inch of his life once daddy comes home.

I now have a 4 week old DD so I feel a bit guilty about not taking him out much and try to do puzzles etc but I want to kill myself after 30 minutes!

I don't play much at all. I'm good at carrying-on, singly loudly, having a bit of a dance, jigsaws and colouring-in. That's it. I hear dd talking away to herself and wonder if I should geel guilty.

Dh is much better at playing.

Dd is 4. Dc2 will hopefully arrive in August and provide a bit of a distraction.

I set time limits on it..... play whatever ds wants to play (pretend/roles etc) then I say (after a reasonable amount of time 5 to 25 min)ok ds one more playing then mummy has to do a job (or whatever). Usualy having set him up (so to speak) he is involved enought to get on with it. Also I tell him he has to play on his own quite often and he also voluntarily starts some random play...