how much do you play with your children?

[LetThemEatCake]

I've got 3 dcs, all at home (except for 2.5 days of nursery for dc1) No family around, so it's just me with all 3 all/ most of the time.

I just don't seem to be able to play with them enough. Or, to put it another way, they don't seem happy playing independently of me. In the car, when I'm bfing the baby, no matter what's going on they want - demand - my attention and involvement, particularly dc1 who loves 'plays' and 'acting out'.

example day yesterday - cooped up all day due to snow. We acted out Goldilocks, Red Riding Hood & Hansel & Gretel (complete with costumes etc). We made & decorated snowflakes. We played with dinosaurs and cars, We did a workout dvd (I wanted to do it so figured just easier to involve them) We read books. We played 'cafe' at lunchtime. We played 'hairdresser'. We played 'swimming'.

Some days I feel I'm going mad. I just want some brain space, or to be able to bf baby with my own thoughts, without someone saying "so mummy, I'll be XXXX and you be XXXXX"

DH reckons I play with them too much and doesn't see why I don't just stick the TV on (I kind of have this "not before 4pm" rule - ) He reckons that if I refused to play with them, they'd be forced to make their own fun. Yet I feel like a crap mum when I do this.

What do you think and what do you do with your dcs?

My God, nobody ever told me I was surpose to play with them!!!

I think your OP sounds lovely. I just tell mine to go and play with each other! I do do the odd puzzle, I played shopping list today, and I read stories of course, but I def don't do role play. They like to help cook, so we quite often do that together. They're a bit older though: 7, 5 & 3

When I have both of them at home (or in the past when they were younger).
I used to do an "activity" for a while (painting/playdough/baking/reading whatever) then they had 1/2 hour to amuse themselves.

You sound like an amazing Mom, Ltec. I second the idea of setting up things for them to play with as well, I used to set up Playmobil stuff overnight and once had an entire booklet of "theme days" that I did during the holidays, so Pirates/Castles/Zoo etc
I always made sure I had lots of breaks though, like a DVD, or something that I knew they wouldn't need me for.

You must be knackered!

I'm glad you posted this b/c I was going to start a thread about it. I feel a little guilty because I don't play with DS that much. (He's 2 and a half.) I do things with him that don't make me want to tear out my hair (reading, play-doh, puzzles, coloring, the occasional block tower) but I don't get down and play trains or make believe as much as I perhaps should. He does things with me that I need to do- helps me do laundry, shop, cook, etc, but I don't actually play with him overmuch.

However, I know that I'm at least an adequate mother, if not mom of the year, so I'm pretty okay with it.

Oh Gawd, CheerfulYank, trains make me want to pull out all of my hair, bloody hate playing trains.

I once spent an entire year playing Appletree Farm dominoes. It may not actually have been an entire year, but bloody hell, it felt like it.

I'd say the weather is a biiig factor.

I play with my 3 (5,3 and 1) much less than OP. However, normally there is a lot of 'go to the yard and play'. In this weather, I'm finding it better to be a full on entertainer to distract them from their 'independent creative play'.

Examples of common 'independently generated fun' include:

• taking off the clothes of all the dolls.
• Collecting every toy in the house under one blanket for a picnic
• jumping off furniture (the baby's favourite)
• making assault courses
• dancing on the kitchen table
• fun with running taps
• pulling each other around on trays/blankets
• shredding bits of paper to become 'treasure'
• shredding bits of cardboard to make 'houses'
• raiding wardrobes/toyboxes for dressing up
• decorating the christmas tree
• 'cooking'

As you might imagine, it's not really a labour saver in the long run. Bear in mind that the outputs of these activities then need to be stepped over treasured for weeks ahead.

Wow LTEC - you really are a but of a superwoman. Fun mum and style guru!

Don't beat yourself up about it - sounds like you're doing a great job. But I do think it's good for them to get bored (if you see what I mean!) so they learn to make their own entertainment. Not neglected, just encouraged to get on doing their own thing.

How old are they? My two are 3.4 and 21mo and have only just started properly playing together - it's made things much easier!

music is often a winner. If i put on the hi-fi they will all run to the front room and dance together.

Gah! bit not but. Sorry about that!

see, I don't think I am that fun since at the back of my mind I know that much of what I do is because the alternative is more annoying- I have great aspirations to be an artsy/ crafty mm but the clearing up incenses me, not to mention the effort of getting it all set up only to have them say "me had nuff Mama" after 10 minutes (and then put painty fingers on white walls, grrrrr). I like stories and making stuff up (it's what I do for a living!) but I do get a bit annoyed when they want to do it over and over and over again.

I'm also from a warm-weather country and don't cope well with being indoors for long periods of time - good weather is quite central to good parenting IMO!!

I guess I also believe/d that kids need to be 'taught' to play. Like, I'd set the example and then they'd take it from there while I drifted off to do laundry or rearrange my wardrobe . To be fair, sometimes they do.

Fleecy - they are 3y5m, 2y1m and 3m. There has been a big change since they first 2 started playing together (it's been much easier having a 3rd child than it was having a 2nd) but the constant need for me to look, participate, speak, get stuff, do up buttons, etc gets wearing. Especially when I'm trying to breastfeed!! How I long for the peaceful, relaxed bfing that I had with dc1!!!

To be fair though, dc1 does take a huge interest in clothes - mine, as well! - so I am proud of that and looking fwd to future shopping trips...

'Play'??!?!

Um - let's 'play' folding laundry! Now let's play clearing up lunch! And... it's time to put toys away... just in time for you to help me cook supper!

The sad thing is, DS loves it - can't get enough of 'doing' things with me and 'helping me' (favourite phrase: 'can I help you, Mama?') So we mostly just do house-stuff together (I actually have a seriously clean house....) interspersed with trips out/story time/etc.

Gave up feeling guilty about not playing so much with him as he really does love just hanging out with me doing stuff... and I get to enjoy not living in a bomb site!

"Making stuff up"? I thought you were a journalist

LOL Romanarama

Ooh not dissimilar ages then. DD is also starting to take an interest in clothes - she asked for these the other day. Not exactly what I would have chosen (I went in there to get her cute polka dot ones) but she really fell in love. And as I have a passion for shoes, it seemed a bit hypocritical not to get them!

She also often says 'Mummy, you look fab' when I have new clothes - although the other day when I put a bra top on to go to the gym she told me I should cover my tummy

I think you are an astonishing hero. I absolutely hated having to play with my dc, I have never ever been so mind-destroyingly bored in my whole life. The worst being "Let's pretend." I have a good friend who does this all day with hers and whenever she asks me to look after them for a bit my heart shrivels up and dies at the thought of the playing.

I used ot go to groups every morning and then beg someone to meet me in the afternoon.

LTEC - I think you should go into Business. Not as a children's entertainer - but as a costume designer for fancy dress outfits. There's too much tat out there.

You have the style and flare! I mean it

Anyway, there's no point bothering with all the imagination and creative play - they soon crush it all out of them once they start school.

Oh how sad Hully!

Honestly I think that by being too lazy in the extreme busy to play with DS a lot has been good for him. He's quite independent and imaginative for a little guy, which I like.

I think if you really like playing with your kids, then go for it. If you don't, well, as long as you're putting in some time with them and they know that you adore them and are there for them, that's fine too. I think it all depends on your personality and your child's as well- some kids seem to need a lot of adult time and others don't really care. As I said before, I read to DS and do puzzles and blocks sometimes, and we do art projects together. He also really likes helping with the dishes, laundry, shopping, etc. But when it comes to toys and make-believe, he's pretty much on his own. And he seems to be turning out ok. (Shrugging emoticon )

They are right LTEC, you are adorable! And what beauties your LO's are!

How glad am I that I found this thread - it's made me realise I don't have to be DS's full time entertainer. I think I felt guilty if DS wasn't being stimulated/talked to/played with AT ALL TIMES!

DH has cleverly never played that much with DS apart from a bit of rough and tumble. It means he has a lovely relaxing time every weekend reading the paper, while DS is taking me by the hand and dragging me over to his train set/garage/whatever and I feel too guilty to refuse. What a mug I've been! From now on I'll be practising some 'benign neglect' of my own.

OP - your games sound lovely though.