third child or not? thoughts please!

[littlebylittle]

Have 14 month old ds and 4 year old dd. Facing the question of whether our family is complete and the first big potential disagreement with dh in years (not over day to day stuff obviously, plenty of those!). I'm feeling as if third good idea despite very tough first year with ds and dh hasn't ruled it out but is very scared on a number of levels - I'm 36, will baby be okay, exhaustion levels, the only people we know with three wouldn't necessarily recommend it, his dad one of three and doesn't think it's a good idea. And to be honest I think he thinks things are pretty balanced and I'm not so sure.
Just don't know enough folk with three that I can ask deep questions to about how it is with three, both at the baby stage and beyond and how they decided to go for it , or people who were one of three to know how it is to be one of three. It was a long and complicated process to get to number two and whilst I don't want that to be the factor that decides, we'll need to be sure what we want before we even start. Sorry if this all seems too personal to ask, but if it is then please ignore!
Bit long post too - sorry

Oh, I really appreciate all this and glad others do too. Glad to see that you can come out the other side but also that three can work for the children as well as the parents!

btw, had coffee with someone "out the other side" with a 4 year old and 6 year old and she is really enjoying life and the things you can do with two children as opposed to baby, toddler etc. I guess that time comes too with three though, more a good thing to know that life carries on and is good once your little ones are bigger.

Have to say, dc3 was the easiest baby out of the 3 - no sleep or feeding/weaning problems. She's also very happy-go-lucky and a real delight to be around. Probably like this because I'm more experienced and relaxed with her.

Question for ladies with 3... How do you find feeding 5 people rather than 4, as most of the stuff I cook caters for 4 (plus things like chicken breasts come in 2s or 4s). Do you manage to pad it out? Silly question really! I already spend about £150 a week at the supermarket ...

Can't be much help really! I'm veggie, dd1 and ds don't eat much at all dd2 is exclusively breastfed, I actually find there is less waste the more children I have to feed as I cook meat dishes and It's only really dh eating them! I look forward to the day where I can cook a casserole or a pie and it all gets eaten up when it's fresh!

Also a veggie and have very picky dd, I do lots of stews, pasta and things so 5 instead of 4 doesn't make that much difference.

However, I have a very hungry ds1 and it worries me about the size of a shopping bill when he's a teenager! The whole teenager thing is worrying though - give me a baby that doesn't sleep through anytime!

Feeling very broody reading this thread. I have 2 dd's 3yrs and 9 months and would love another. I would infact love a chaotic house full of chidren. Can't bear it being quiet.

However, I'm pushing 37 and DH cannot be talked into having a 3rd - he's really scared about running out of luck after our 2 healthy gorgeous girls.

Have dd age 6 and dd age 4 and expecting no 3 any day now at the age of 39. I spent a long time debating with myself on the merits of no 3- and decided that I would be more likely to regret not having a third. Worries re the amnio and a suspicion of baby having a club foot have made this pregnancy tougher(not to mention lack of tummy muscle tone and the agony of walking at the mo). But am glad that we finally made a decision before we lost anymore time and hopefully it will all turn out well. Our eldest has concerns that we won't love her as much anymore and we won't have as much time for her but have explained that babies are very boring and don't do much. No 2 is just happy to be a big sister and not the baby of the family anymore!

I had my 3rd at 36. She is horrible. Why did I bother.......

Am actually JOKING.

I thank my lucky stars every day that I went for a 3rd. It was the best decision we ever made (After nos 1 and 2 of course!)

My 3rd child is an absolute corker and the world is a better place for having her in it.

Interesting thread. I'm nearly 38 and we were dithering about a third (DS is 5 on Thursday and DD is nearly 22 months). Then over Christmas we had an "oops" pregnancy which ended in early miscarriage but did get both of us thinking that actually, we probably did want a third in spite of the disadvantages. So we are probably going for a third and final child, and will see how it goes. But I still dither. In particular I would ideally like the same age gap we had between DS and DD, but given my increasing age am aware that hanging around wasting time is probably not the best option.

I adore my lovely 3rd son, though the dynamics between ds2 and ds3 are very hard work. Holidays and days out are now cripplingly expensive, keeping an eye on three when you're out is hard, even things like finding the right place for them to sit when you're reading a story is hard when they're little. It's difficult to manage logistically when they're not at the same school - which obviously happens more. Practically speaking everything is expensive and hard work. I happen to have all boys who to a large extent like doing the same sorts of things, so that makes some aspects a bit simpler, but also makes it difficult for me and dh to split them up and do different things, which can also be nice for parent and child.

I don't regret it, would not rule out dc4. Mostly because dh and I are both from quite large families, esp dh, and I see how lovely it is for the granny generation being in the middle of such a crowd. I think if you work hard at a good relationship with several children then you are likely to have many happy decades later of being a parent to adults and with luck a grandparent too.

I am one of 3 children and my older sister really has middle child syndrome badly and it has affected her throughout her life. Whether she would have felt like this if she had been one of 2, 3, 4 or 10 we will never know but she difinately feels she has issues. Watching this effect on her has always put me off having 3 kids (have 2) as I would worry that one might feel this way. My SIL also says she suffered it to a lesser degree. Saying that, I also have some friends who are middle children and they say they are absolutely fine with it. My husband read some report saying that a significant percentage of offenders in prison were middle children. Not trying to put you off but looking at it possibly from the childs point of view rather than from how the parent will cope.

i am middle of three and so is dh.

we have two and are sticking at that .

oh this is such a relief that i'm not the only one out there. I am 36 too and have one 2.5yrs and another dd aged 7yrs. I have only just found out that i'm pregnant with my 3rd whilst on Loestrin,, so it wasn't planned at all. We have all the usual concerns over money, space, middle child issue etc etc.... i know it'll be incredibly hard, but figure the older they get it'll get slightly less chaotic?!

Third babies are great because by now you really know what you are doing as a mother, are therefore more relaxed, baby picks up on that and is correspondingly chilled out and happy.
IME anyway. Could be I got lucky

Thanks jemart, i'm really worried about the money side of things as i currently work part time and hubbie works full time as our mortgage is so huge and our house so tiny... not even sure where baby 3 would go!

I have DD1 4 & DTD's 20 months. Although I didn't choose to have 3 children, my DH always wanted 3 so I guess I got it over with in 2 pregnancies. Plus we won't have the middle child syndrome. I was one of 3 so it feels the norm for me. I am very happy with my 3 girls & hope that they'll be great friends when they're older. But if I hadn't had twins I think I would have had to stick at 2 because I had such awful pregnancies I couldn't go through it again. So all in all I'm glad things turned out this way for me although it's been blimmin' hard work !!

Hello all

My son is nearly 7 and my daughter is nearly 4, i would LOVE another but i also feel that maybei'm pushing my luck on the health side? i have 2 healthy children but i'm scared something will happen with the next one!!

2 kids would love a baby brother/sister and my oldest has even said he will share a room (very sweet) i just dont want to push my luck :-(

x

just stumbled across some more replies so putting this back in "threads I'm on". I think i do want another one. it feels almost too sorted in our house with two. Maybe I thrive on chaos ? Although that is definitely not a good reson for a third! I am almost certain that the day after i find out about dd's school place is not a good day to make a decision - bound to bring out the sentimental in me!

There are 1 million more humans on earth every 5 days- there is a very real chance that this planet will not be able to sustain the current population of children.
Having more than 2 children has lots of moral implications- if you do so you are endangering everyone.
Please visit www.optimumpopulation.org to read about this in greater depth.
Join the Optimum Population Trust and spread the word.
Fewer humans= more humanity.

Pip22 just joined today and is going through the forums looking for opportunities to plug her angle. Feel free to ignore her. Unless she does it on TTC...

I'm one of three, and it's great. I'm very close to my younger brother and sister and they are with each other too.

Almost everyone in my family has 3 children, so to me it has always seemed the normal size for a family, although obviously there is no such thing.

Although I think pip does have a point. This is for me the biggest reason why we will probably stop at 2, though would love to have a third. I would feel too guilty. Then I read about huge families and feel abit .