Not sure how much longer I can do this. Please someone talk to me

[roslily]

My ds is 18 weeks old. He has never been a great sleeper, but we were managing 10.30pm-3am and then til 5am. Great! But now he is waking every hour again, and the closer it gets to 6am the shorter the time.

He doesn't nap in day much, maybe for 45mins, so not really able to catch up on sleep. He has occasionally slept longer, but these are one offs. He will sleep longer in day if I lie down next to him, but I can't keep doing that as I return to work in 8 weeks and the childminder can't lie down with him!

This morning I cried at 5am when he wouldn't go back to sleep. I am so tired I can barely function. I won't be able to cope at work like this. I am a teacher and have had time off for depression before. I cannot have any more time off.

I can't really express the desperation I feel at the moment. I have thought about hurting myself just so they will take me away and I will get a break.

My dh refuses to do nights, and not much point as as soon as he cries or gets grouchy he brings him back to me. I am on ADs, already 40mg. Don't think it is worth going back to doctors as she can't make him sleep.

I nearly walked out of house this morning just to get away. I have no family near by

Roslily, just wanted to say, with my DS1, the only way I could get him to nap during the day was to lie down with him, and even then he would only sleep for about 20 minutes at a time, I got very good at falling asleep very quickly!

Anyway, I had to go back to work and DS went to a nursery - I can still remember doing the settling in, and them asking if I had any 'special technique' of getting him to sleep, and I kind of shuffled my feet and muttered about sleeping on the bed with him... they said it was really common and not a problem, was there anything I didn't want them to do (rocking etc), and I didn't care tbh, I had no clue what was going to happen when they tried to settle him.

Needless to say, just as everyone else has said on here, they found their own way with him, and in fact, it made it easier for me to put him down for naps without sleeping with him if I wanted to - also, we carried on having naps together at weekends etc until about 6 months ago - so he would have been around 2.5 - not because I had to, but because i get knackered and there's nothing better than snuggling up together for a nap, IMO of course!

Each to their own and all that I have DS2 now and just as I've lost my naps and cuddles with DS1, I've started having them with DS2. They're only small for such a short period of time, I know the sleep deprivation is crap, but try and find whatever pleasures you can with him.

Also, with the AD's, go and see the doc, they might not be any good for you, or they may be able to increase the dose. Don't know what you're taking, but having just been dx with PND myself, my dose has gone from 100 to 150 of sertraline - only on day 2 though so hoping its going to make a positive difference.

You poor thing. You are exhausted.

What time does your husband leave for work in the morning? When mine were little - I would do majority of night feeds- but come 5.50am - 6am I would hand them over to my husband. I would go back to sleep till he left for work at 8am. This enabled me to cope a lot better in the morning. I would go for a walk in the afternoon - because they slept much better during the day - just being out the house or maybe even grabbing a coffee on a bench.

At weekends i would sleep as much as I could.

It is hard to sleep when you are over tired - make yourself lie down whenever you get a chance even if you don't think you can sleep.

I haven't read thread fully as I am trying to get to sleep myself (also a teacher!) - but I couldn't ignore.
You completely have my sympathies, it is so so hard. I had PND myself, and two things helped me /us significantly. 1) was homeopathy and 2) more majorly, was getting the baby into a routine. This is a contentious issue, and some people really don't agree, but for all of us it was extremely positive. We used the Gina Ford books (again, many dislike her) and for me it gave me a definite structure, and also it did get the baby into a sleeping schedule which meant 1) a 2 hr nap in the daytime 2) a good sleep at night. It was tough to start with, but did help. I am convinced both the baby and I were better off for it, as we had both had a somewhat decent rest!
Keep getting support - you will make it!
Take care.

Thanks, I did try GF for a week, but as my ds won't sleep for more than 45mins in day, it was impossible! I have a sort of routine going which I have tailored to us, and I follow his cues.

Basically he sleeps an hour and half after he gets up, then 2 hours after that and then 2 hours after he wakes up from that. Sometimes it evolves into a morning, lunch and afternoon cat nap and sometimes it is loads of 45mins and an hour and half in afternoon!

Are things any better, roslily?

yes, how are things now, you must be exhausted - glad you had at least one good night