OK, so DS is almost a year old and I still watch his tummy go up and down. When will I start to chill out?

[Bambinoloveseggbirds]

DS is 11 months, and whilst I know that I care for him very well in the fed, watered, loved sense, I don't feel like I can let myself go as a mum and just enjoy him for the lovely boy that he is. I feel worried all the time, and I mean, really worried. I put DS to bed at night and thank god that he is going to bed safe and well then I wake up every morning and thank god that he made it through the night. I am not even religious.

I have PND, I know I do, but don't want to take anti-depressants and I know that's what the docs will put me on. Not sure what to do. Is the worrying something that will go away eventually, or will it just get worse as they get older. I also keep having recurring thoughts where a funeral keeps popping into my mind. I seem to have become the most morbid anxious dullard. Any advice gratefully received

Is there a particular reason not to take anti-depressants? They often work very well indeed. If they don't help then you can stop taking them.

Otherwise, one thing that you can do is make sure that you get enough exercise. It can really help.

Sorry you are going through this, depression is a vile illness.

I would say that worrying about your dcs comes with the territory and I'm sure that stays even when they are all grown up. But you do sound overly anxious. My HV said to me that there is anxiety which is purely "the new mummy thing" and anxiety that stops you living your life properly.

Like you say, you may have PND. Can you talk to your HV? Anti-depressants may not be the only option. Maybe having some to talk to about things would help?

Thanks Humphrey. I have heard that ADs make you tired and spaced out and I really can't be like that at work - my job involves a lot of written work and I need to keep a clear head.

Panto, I have my DS' 1 year check in January with the HV and do intend to have a chat with her. Quite funny really as when DS was a newborn she said how confident I appeared.

PS, I remember in the early days that i used to hate bath time. Maybe it was because it was just after the News which was filled with horrible things. I used to think terrible thoughts. It did go away, but i still worry about things like flying and driving on the motorway that i never did before i had a child.

Panto, absolutely know what you mean. I knew I was in trouble when I stopped DH taking DS to a certain shop last week as I knew he would have to take him on a particularly busy road.

I STILL go up and check on my DS ... if I cant hear him breathing, i get a torch and go in to check he is 1. still there, 2. breathing.

DS is 4.

I sometimes imagine him gone, have nightmares about it. I think the longer it goes on the better it gets, but im just speaking about my situation. never been on ADs or clinically depressed or anything.

Children are precious. But if you are anxious all the time maybe a chat with someone is possible?

So if you go on my HV advice, you are worrying TOO much, so you should have a chat. My dd is 5 now and very robust. I still worry on the odd occasion that I get dh to pick her up from school in the car, yet I was happy to let her spend a week on a farm in the Ardennes in the summer. Generally it DOES get easier.

If otherwise you are coping fine, I doubt that it is ADs that you need. How do feel in yourself?

I still do this and DS is nearly 8 months. He went into his own room a few weeks ago and although he sleeps all night I still pop thru and check on him if I wake in the night! Love seeing him all peaceful and sleeping and knowing he is ok

I feel down. I feel like there's nothing to look forward to, and that I thought having a baby would complete my life and all it has done has made me anxious and unable to enjoy it. I used to be pretty carefree; a laugh, a work hard play hard party girl. I'm now just miserable most of the time. I've had problems with my in-laws since DS was born and think that has contributed, but on the whole, I don't feel happy no.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

Bambinoloveseggbirds- TBH you sound depressed. It is entirely normal to be anxious about your ds but it is not normal to feel worried all the time and thinking about disastrous things like funerals.
There is nothing shameful about anti-depressants if that is what you need.
try going for some energetic walks and see your GP in the new year.

I had a thread very like this when DD was a similar age. I think, looking back that I did have PND but was worried about taking AD's too. TBH it has got a lot better on the anxiety front but the feeling low still comes back from time to time to the extent that I am still considering talking to the GP about it.

I had exactly the same thing that I couldn't enjoy DD because I was constantly imagining how it would feel if something awful happened. It was horrible you have my sympathy. When feel anxious now I try to keep very busy thrn I have less time to think about stuff. Winter is harder than summer I find but am wondering if the exercise thing is part of that. You may feel better just voicing your concerns to a GPas it can feel worse when its kept in ime.

Thanks used2bthin Am definitely finding it a struggle now so will speak to my HV in January, and/or my GP. Hoping I can avoid ADs, and will definitely get out and walking over the holidays.

Thank you all.

Just to say that antidepressants generally don't make you tired and spaced, or at least not for more than a couple days. Which is good as I take them every winter - I have the worries about ds (15 mo) dying too especially as hestopped breathing shortly after birth, but most of the time I keep it in perspective.

Hope you enjoy walking over Christmas and enjoy your ds too!

I think that your realisation that something isn't quite 'right' is the most important and brave step. If you're concerned about AD's then maybe ask about talking therapies as a first step instead. I did this and just the release of talking to a 'disinterested ' third party made all the difference.

A good old stomp around your local parks every day with your buggy really does the power of good too - I agree. Why not start tomorrow after TurkeyFest?

Have a wonderful day tomorrow - all the best

My heart goes out to you Bambino - it is so exhausting feeling anxious like that the whole time. I had PND after DC2 (in fact I think I had it mildly after DC1, but had less on my plate so talking to friends and keeping busy were enough). The scenes I imagined were all around death - usually due to some domino effect scenario that began with a slight oversight on my part. However, I was completely unable to relax when anyone else was looking after the DCs so I never really switched off.

Like you most of my job was writing and in retrospect I think that didn't help because (1) I was constantly running scripts in my head and if you are of a writerly disposition you endlessly play with words and possibilities and (2) I was used to having a deadline, getting a job finished and then getting some sense of satisfaction/relief - and being a mum doesn't have those end points, it just goes on and on. Now with my DCs 9 and 6 I want it to go on and on, and I am already fretting about being an empty nester, but that's a long way from where I was 5.5 years ago.

I absolutely didn't want ADs, esp as I was BF'ing, but it got to the point where I wasn't really functioning at all. I did some research which led me to think I should steer clear of SSRIs (the Prozac type) and my GP was fab in listening to my concerns and agreeing to prescribe what I felt would be best for me. I did feel spaced out and actually worse for 2 days, but then I started to feel a sense that things might be OK. From then on I got better and better. I came off the ADs after about 5 months, gradually reducing dose, no real difficulties.

ADs aren't the answer for everyone and all the ideas around exercise are sensible, but I think if you get to a point where you feel there is no joy at all in being a parent, just anxiety then you deserve better and to not beat yourself up for wanting not to feel like that. Sorry to go on. I really hope you find something that works for you and you get back to being as close to a party girl as a post-DC sleep schedule allows.

Thanks partystress. I think talking about it will help, but my friends are probably bored rigid by now with my tales of the MiL & SiL from hell

Thing is, I don't want to go back to being a party girl as I don't really miss it that much, but I do miss the fun side of me. You know, just being able to have a giggle. I want to be a fun mummy - I know you'll know what I mean as you've been through PND too.

Thanks again. Off to the GPs next week for me I think.

no advice really just sympathy. i had exactly the same symptoms as you when my ds was 6 months old it was dreadful. i never slept just wanted to get through the night so i could get up and make sure baby was ok. i eventually agreed to anti-depressants and they did work and also never made me tired. i think the old style meds used to but things have improved. i also had cognative analytic therapy at the same time as taking ads which i think helped. i hope you get the help you need and try and enjoy your christmas in the mean time

Just to add - I'm a GP. Some antidepressants have a sedating effect, but most don't. It sounds as if treatment would help you.

I'm a terrible worrier when it comes to my DCs, but there's a big difference between being a happy worrier and someone who isn't enjoying life.

I did try to talk to my GP about 6 months ago about my anxiety. She sent me for blood tests to rule out thyroid problems and anemia [sp]. I don't think she took me very seriously I must say - she actually tutted when I said that I was scared of going on holiday in case the plane crashed. She did put on my blood form paperwork "post-natal anxiety" but there was no follow up.

Then see a different GP. If you need help, you need help. Not all GP's are so crap at doing something.

Please go back to your GP or see another in the practice if possible. Is this really how you want to live your life?
There are so many people here who have told you that the type of anxiety you are experiencing is similar to what they felt as a symptom on PND. I'm another one, I had horrible intrusive thoughts, had fears that I knew were unreasonable but couldn't stop and they impacted on my actions and overall happiness. I was referred for counselling and also changed birthcontrol as my symptoms started when I started up the minipill.

I don't feel this way anymore. Counselling helped me. Other posters have said that antidepressants helped them, and didn't make them feel tired or dull - which you feared.

You don't have to continue to feel this way. Please, just make an appointment, go to it, sit down and tell the GP 'I think I'm suffering PostNatal Depression and I need help'.

PND aside, I still check DS1, my PFB, when I go to bed and he's nearly 11. It was fine when he snored but his orthodontic treatment has stopped that so sometimes I have to poke him to see if he moves. I also had the "funeral" moment whilst watching him at rugby (as well as other times). I thought "What if he gets hit by a misjudged tackle and...".

In my case though, it's not a serious worry and it does not get in the way of life.

Thanks Ladybee, I will be doing something about it in the new year. I feel that I have finally admitted I have a problem, and that my anxiety is part of a bigger issue and I guess that is PND. My GP is the only one in our practice so I am going to talk to my HV in Jan and ask for her help (in light of my GP being dismissive). Thank you all for your kind words.

Just to also add (along with Notcitrus) that ADs don't have to make you spaced out - I once took very mild ones (sorry, don't remember name), and had not one single side effect from them. Came off them 6 months later, again with not one single side effect.

Would you consider st john's wort if you really won't take ADs? my mother swears by it for keeping her on the up.