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Parenting

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Original poster

well how often do you lose it with ds/dd

46 replies

bumbly · 11/12/2009 20:46

every day? once a week/ onmce a month?

for me once a day

today was oging os weel after a few days of me really trying hard

then tonigh hubb moaned never ever gets to see lo and never ever gets cuddle and lo

boy oh boy diud he winge...no no no mummny no read stories

now after huge screaming he is finally settling with daddy

all the fuss for nothing

feel awful as really lost it

i think i am breasding a depressed kid but i know it is not me

he really is a winger!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Original poster

bumbly · 11/12/2009 20:47

sorry typos

really low

OP posts:

Lapsedrunner · 11/12/2009 20:48

too often

Washersaurus · 11/12/2009 20:50

Oh bumbly, I feel your pain. I have lost it again with my 2 this evening - they are just uncontrollable at the moment.

DH came home from work and has had to deal with me weeping on his shoulder, as it all got too much .

I know I should be able to deal with them calmly all the time but am really really struggling at the moment.

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Original poster

bumbly · 11/12/2009 20:52

likewise!

really struggling and i mean so well

why is littl eone never stop whinging

OP posts:

LastOfTheMulledWine · 11/12/2009 20:55

Never, actually. Just not my style but then thus far I am blessed with a child of a sunny disposition. I've never shouted at anybody about anything.

How old is he bumbly?

Original poster

bumbly · 11/12/2009 20:57

2 4 months

OP posts:

Bensmum76 · 11/12/2009 21:10

I lose it with my DS 2 and 2 months at least every few days. i think I try so hard to be positive and praise him rather than tell him what he's done wrong that everynow and then I lose my temper and raise my voice. I always apologise after and explain to him that mummy was wrong to shout but that what he did was wrong/naughty and why it was naughty. We then have a cuddle and kiss and all is forgotten. I think its important that children learn that people do get angry/upset and that it is ok but that it is not ok to shout/hurt/upset someone, but that with a cuddle and an apology things can be better again.

Washersaurus · 11/12/2009 21:19

My last post disappeared....

DS1 is 4yo and totally whingey, DS2 is 2yo and incredibly hard work.

I never used to shout like that, seems to have escalated recently. Wish I could be all calm and serene.

Acinonyx · 11/12/2009 22:19

Last of the mulled wine - I am the same. I just don't shout at anybody for any reason. I just don't think it's acceptable in everday life.

LastOfTheMulledWine · 12/12/2009 09:21

Acinonyx, I agree.

bumbly, can you describe how you deal with things usually? Just an example. Say ds doesn't want to put his shoes on/get dressed for example. What do you do?

Also, does he sleep well?

I think it's important to remember that he is very, very young. The world is new and wonderful and terrifying and distinctly weird. He's of an age where he's learning his place in it, asserting his independence and beginning to move away from his babyhood. It's sometimes very useful to try and see the world how they might view it before you react to any given situation.

Rochel4 · 13/12/2009 23:42

would
be very interested to hear how you would deal with th
a.t situation LOTMW. I get angry easily and dont
ha.ve mu
ch patience for it.

VFemme · 14/12/2009 02:33

I too am a shouter and I hate it hate it hate it, but sometimes it seems to be the only way to cut through a tantrum/wingefest. I would love to be able to be able to see the world through his eyes, but it's all so random (the topic of the tantrum/wingefest that is).

MumGoneCrazy · 14/12/2009 03:41

I lost it today

My oldest 3 DC were very hyper and constantly jumping on the sofa and throwing cushions around

I must of told them a hundred times that sofas are not climbing frames but they didnt listen and 2 seconds after i left the room to go make the baby a bottle there was a loud thud and my 3yr old was crying

My 9 yr old had jumped over the back of the sofa and my 3yr old tried to copy but fell and hurt her back and in my worry and anger i blamed it on my 9yr old and shouted at him

ShinyAndNew · 14/12/2009 06:49

Im thinking of making a voice recording of myself....

"dd1 no you can't, dd2 stop that, get down dog, dd1 no you can't, dd2 stop that....."

If I just play that over and over I'll be fine. Maybe with a few "pick that up, tidy up, stop squealing" thrown in.

The above seems to be all I say to my children lately. I tried to be nice with dd1 and organised a party for her birthday. Spent a fortune on prizes for games and they all buggered off upstairs to make mess and watch Hannah Montana.

I think everyone is getting overtired. Myself included. Which is making life harder. Dd2 has not been sleeping well and it is effecting everyone.

poshsinglemum · 14/12/2009 07:07

I think that kids test our limits and patience like nothing else. Couple that with exhaustion and overwhelming responsibility and you are bound to snap. Almost every day with me but normally to stop her hurting herself.

Non - shouters- Are you saints?!

poshsinglemum · 14/12/2009 07:09

The winging is dreadful and shouting does stop that.

Fillyjonk · 14/12/2009 07:34

oh god

honestly, a bit of shouting will NOT kill them

I don't go up to random adults in rl and shout at them, but neither do random adults try to stick peas up their baby sister's nose.

I think losing it, apologising and moving on can be far more cathartic than sitting there festering calmly hour after hour.

ladytophamhat · 14/12/2009 07:35

how to talk so kids will listen - i posted on a thread about being a shouty mummy a while ago as I am very very guilty of this.

get the book it's great if you can really try and stick to it - it doesn't take much to stick to it either.

Have lapsed in the last couple of days and shouted again but generally going really well.

TubbyDuffs · 14/12/2009 10:03

I lose it quite often. Have 2 boys, 5 and 3 and a 6 week old girl. My 5 year old is on a mission to wind me up at every opportunity, and my 3 year old just likes to scream when he doesn't get his own way.

I would love to be a calm mum and not a shouter. Which book should I get? Honestly, I am sick of hearing myself!

I remember my mum shouted a lot and think I caught it off her!

FimbleHobbs · 14/12/2009 10:07

I gave up shouting for lent once. It didn't make much difference so I suppose that means shouting doesn't really work in our family.

However this logic didn't stop me shouting a few times over the weekend! My nearly 5 year old is going through a very trying 'whingy for mummy, perfect for everyone else' phase.

Washersaurus · 14/12/2009 14:47

I don't actually think shouting (and apologising) does any real harm either, but for my own benefit would rather I didn't have to raise my voice quite so much.

I have read many many books, including the very useful 'How to Talk' book; the main problem I have is being heard over the top of two very boisterous boys.

It is all very well and good people posting on here saying they don't think shouting is at all acceptable, but that isn't very constructive now is it...and IME these phrases are rarely uttered by mothers of multiple boys

I have to say MumGoneCrazy that the sofa is our main problem - every time I look away they throw all the cushions on the floor and jump all over it.

I am trying to ignore the little things like that now and not get so worked up. I have had a much better weekend (but then DH has been shouting instead and that is far scarier).

ladytophamhat · 14/12/2009 16:30

the book is "How to talk so kids will listen, and How to listen so kids will talk".

It is well worth a read.

Also ds1 has picked up "outside voices" from nursery so keeps telling me "mummy that's your outside voice"...

I agree it's not particularly helpful to deride shouting - we all know it's not the best thing to do but constructive phrases not just saying it's wrong etc is the way forward.

lovechoc · 15/12/2009 12:56

I am guilty of shouting maybe once a month. It used to be worse when he was tiny, but I am now realising that he is only a child and I cannot reason with him when he's throwing a tantrum so I just make sure he's safe and then walk away saying nothing. I don't react to him now until he calms down. If he is crying loads, v upset then I say nothing and just hold him tight until he calms down. It is hard, and no one should be judged if they shout. Children don't come with a manual! We just have to muddle through best we can.

I think it is only natural for a child to see varying types of emotion from the parent, how else will they learn that life is not a bed of roses as they grow up??

nikos · 15/12/2009 13:15

PLEASE NOTE EVERYONE - the non shouters on here have ONE child. Tis so much easier to be a non shouter with one.
My dh says he never heard me shout until we had three children under 4. Sometimes it is the only way to be heard even

lovechoc · 15/12/2009 13:26

nikos that's probably why I hardly shout, I've just got the one DC for now (pg with 2nd) and so it's easier to keep things in control. Won't be for long though! lol

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