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Parenting

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Original poster

well how often do you lose it with ds/dd

46 replies

bumbly · 11/12/2009 20:46

every day? once a week/ onmce a month?

for me once a day

today was oging os weel after a few days of me really trying hard

then tonigh hubb moaned never ever gets to see lo and never ever gets cuddle and lo

boy oh boy diud he winge...no no no mummny no read stories

now after huge screaming he is finally settling with daddy

all the fuss for nothing

feel awful as really lost it

i think i am breasding a depressed kid but i know it is not me

he really is a winger!!!

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LouLouH · 15/12/2009 13:30

Err, i have ONE child and i shout loud enough for the next road to hear me!

I have a 5 yr old DD and i seem to shout every morning, afternoon and evening!

LilySwalLoosHerTurkeyBaster · 15/12/2009 13:31

I think that's very true Nikos , i never shout when i am at home in the day with dd2 , but then taking / picking 3 dc's up from school and the chaos ensues.
I often have to ask ds numerous times to do simple things like get dressed ect whilst he is usually fighting with dd1 who is usually tormenting dd2 before the shouting starts!!

Shodan · 15/12/2009 13:35

Never, with ds2, who's 2.1. I do have an exasperated voice but it's nowhere near shouting.

Occasionally, with ds1, who's 13. It's always after repeated requests to do something (lay the table/shut the door/take schoolbag upstairs etc etc) and I get the shrug and 'yeah in aminute' followed by whiny 'why should I?'. It's the whining that gets me.

So my voice rises a few octaves for a couple of minutes. Then I get 'God! There's no need to get mad'.

Sigh.

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sunburntats · 15/12/2009 13:53

erm i have one child...and i shout about once every few days.

Not blessed with a kid of a sunny disposion unfortunately.

My son is very very hard work, not just my opinion either.
I have posted on here about stopping going out for long lengths of time.
Not going to friends houses for play dates, not having any one to take over from me, both sets of gps are A) not interested B) unable to cope for any length of time with him.
Teachers struggle with him too.
Been with dh for 17 years, never heard him even raise his voice till ds came along.(6 now)
He would try the patience of any sane person.

It is an ongoing, every day challenge to keep it together with him.
Admit that probably 95% of the time, it is down to me entirely, frustrated, exhausted, exasperated and jsut at the end of my tether.
He is the way he is, he needs to be reigned in frequently, he does not listen, i get through in a variety of ways. One of which is by raising my voice.

nickytwotimes · 15/12/2009 13:59

I've got one and another on the way.

I shout every few days, more so atm as I am grumpy and knackered due to shite pg. Not his fault, wee soul, but he REALLY pushes it. I never shout anything about him, just 'stop it' or whatever. I go through phases of great patience, but atm I have none.

I only know one parent who doesn't shout. The rest of us do it, though not like banshees.

penona · 17/12/2009 23:33

Have had a horrible shouty day (kids ill, DH away) so finding some comfort here. I'd say I lose it most, but not every day. I hate it. I don't think I had ever shouted before I had kids! But adults don't push your buttons in the same way, they don't behave, well, like children.

And I have twins, and the times I have one on their own is utter bliss. I have never shouted at them then. It is miles easier!!

Jajas · 17/12/2009 23:40

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Jajas · 17/12/2009 23:41

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BettyTurnip · 17/12/2009 23:43

Thank God for the likes of Fillyjonk who come along all brisk and just make me feel slightly less crap about shouting...and LilySwaloos, I could've written your post myself. I never shout at the youngest when I'm alone with her through the day, but factor in her two squabbling siblings and my stress levels go through the roof.

Rosebud05 · 18/12/2009 13:53

Yes, it's the multiple, simultaneous demands that push my stress levels up and when the immortal phrase "I've only got one pair of hands" has been known to come out of my very own mouth .

BettyTurnip · 19/12/2009 13:26

"I've only got one pair of hands" and "In a minute, I just need to..." are all I ever seem to say some days.

ladytophamhat · 22/12/2009 18:24

tell me about it - all my bleating on about what a good book it is has just gone out the window today.

far too much shouting - just too much

bac kto the start of the book for me.

Agree - a little doesn't do any harm, but i seem to get to the stage where it's the only way to get through to ds1 (3.5)

ijustwant8hours · 22/12/2009 20:51

I didn't really shout before I had dc2 and I don't shout if for some blessed reason I'm only looking after one of them. But when I have them both I lose it every day I try not to and I start off well but the anxiety levels build and build and eventually I snap. If I hold back for too long I find it gets worse!

Its a big problem for me at the moment I really don't like myself as a parent a lot of the time but I can't take the whinging and the crying and the moaning. To be honest I can't take the non stop happy prattle either!

BenandSue · 23/12/2009 13:08

I must admit I didn't shout at DD1 much until my twins arrived, but now sometimes it almost seems to be a constant round of 'leave them alone, don't take that off her' etc, etc. I'm not always shouting but I find it escalates if she doesn't listen to me.

I think the worst is when you've got to get somewhere by a certain time & you're rushing to get them all out the house & she plays up. Or when I'm really busy trying to do a job while the twins are happy & quiet (which is rare!!) & she does something nasty to make them cry. I do hate myself sometimes though for the way I snap.

DD1 goes to school in January so I hope things will get a little easier then.

TheChewyToffeeMum · 24/12/2009 14:16

Before DC2 arrived I has shouted twice once in my adult life (to stop a fight between to grown men). Since DC2 arrived I shout at least once a day - this is not me and it makes me feel awful. I am beginning to realise that when I am shouting it is a sign that I am actually depressed again. Previously I would have retreated into myself until I felt better - now I don't have that choice so it all comes bubbling out.

TheChewyToffeeMum · 24/12/2009 14:17

had not has

Missmodular · 27/12/2009 11:03

Ooh can I join in please?

I have a three year old and nine month old and I shout maybe twice a week. It got more often in the lead up to crimbo but that was because I was stressed and wasn't getting much sleep.

I really really hate it - my eldest is quite sensitive and gets upset when I shout, but I feel the need to impress upon her that it's NOT okay to kick or snatch toys off her sister and sometimes shouting seems to be the only way to get it through to her.

If I feel I've been unreasonable I always apologise afterwards and give her a cuddle (whilst pointing out that she really doesn't have to repeat the same question thirty times for me to hear it )

I do feel very stupid when I yell 'STOP SHOUTING!!' at her though

sinpan · 27/12/2009 11:20

I have two very close in age and I don't shout much any more, for two reasons (1) the DC are older and more reasonable, and (2) I avoid getting myself stresed out as I've learned that's what leads to shouting.

A couple of things I've trained myself to do over the past few years to reduce the stress are: get the DC to help more - actually they do very little, but when I want them to help me I try to be very firm about it - and ignore their squabbles as far as I can, get them to sort it out themselves.

My DC are 10 and 11 so they are able to do more round the house and should be able to sort their differences out themselves, these were major causes of stress for me in the past, hence why we all shout less these days I think.

ProfYaffle · 27/12/2009 11:21

I only started shouting once dd2 came along. These days it's rare that the school run is completed without at least a little bellowing re shoes/coats/running off etc. Then there's the assertive voice raising needed to make oneself heard as The Voice of Authority over the hubbub.

Lazy days in the holidays with no deadlines etc are fairly harmonious though.

MoreCrackThanSantasArse · 27/12/2009 11:22

About once a month, but dd is 9 now and an only.

Not a bad thing to see anger/shouting from an otherwise reasonable parent imo, providing it is followed with a calmer explaination, or apology where necessary.

TheGoddessBlossom · 27/12/2009 19:33

Sinpan your observations are reassuring to me, as I am praying that when my two (boys, 5 and 3) are older the shouting in this house will get less. Say it will be so!

a) surely they won't get up at 6am when they are older, thus we all will get at least an hours more sleep and be less grumpy

b) please tell me they will stop fighting? I was ashamed of them on Christmas Day when all they did was argue when surrounded by piles of new toys, and rationalised it to myself that they are only babies, but still..

c) they can do more, like you say.

And the previous posters re the sofa - I really really try not to care about it, but if I have to put my sofa together one more time this weekend I may scream...mine are actually banned from sitting on it and have bean bags instead, but if I leave the room they charge for it..

I shout far too much, never did before kids, never even heard the sound my voice is capable of making now before children.

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