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Original poster

Something awful happened

48 replies

Horrifiedandscared · 08/12/2009 21:11

I had to nip out with the children this evening to a local supermarket to get 1 thing. The parking space was right outside so I could see them all the time, and I was literally one minute. I left the children in the car, although the younger one said she wanted to come out. I said no, as it was raining, and I was literally going in, grabbing the item and going.

I got out to the car, and the younger one was out of her seat (she can un-do it herself) I went to put her back in her seat and she went ballistic. Kicking, grabbing my hands etc etc. I spent 15 minutes grappling with her. I admit I was using some force, but I had no choice. I didn't hit her and I didn't shout.

Anyway, just as I was about to drive off, a teenager came over, so I wound down the window. He accused me of mis-treating dd. I explained that I was just trying to get her in her seat. He accused me of pushing her.
I don't recall pushing her but wonder if I did in the heat of the moment.

I am now worried that they may have got my registration number and keep thinking the police are going to turn up.

I love my children to bits.

What will happen to me/them?

OP posts:
MyCatHasARedderNoseThanRudolph · 08/12/2009 21:14

He's a teenage, has no flaming idea what he is talking about, most likely. Kids can be a total total nightmare to get in their seats sometimes.

I doubt very much anything will happen and if it does then you just explain what happened.

Try not to worry.

Horsiemummy · 08/12/2009 21:17

Dont think about it for another minuite mate.

im sure we have ALL done this at one time or another. im sure you did not leave a mark on her or hurt her at all for that matter.

toddlers are flippin strong when in a strop and it probably was physical but you never ment to hurt her / she was not hurt and you did not shout - i for one think thats amazing as i would have been screaming at my DS

bloody teenagers should just mind their own buisness.

now forget about it.

xxxx

LynetteScavo · 08/12/2009 21:19

You left them alone in the car, but are worried about being seen forcing her back into her seat?

And why the need to name change?

ruddynorah · 08/12/2009 21:19

well we don't know what he saw. to say he 'has no flaming idea what he is talking about' is a bit much. i once stopped a man i saw punching a child and called the police. i was a teenager and knew what i saw.

if your child can undo her car seat i wouldn't leave them in the car tbh. i work in a large store and more than once have we had children wander in having been left in cars.

IBlameThePMT · 08/12/2009 21:21

Im sure no-one is going to turn up. Mums have fracas with their kids all the time. If it was seriously violent Im sure you would know it deep down. (Im assuming here it wasnt.) I would perhaps question the wisdom of leaving a stroppy child who can undo her belt in the car alone tho, even it it was for a minute. Things can happen/kick off etc. As you found.

Tho have left DCs in the car myself so not against it in practice (tho always feel guilty about it, so perhaps am in principle!) and have done plenty of slightly questionable things myself...few of us are perfect

NightShoe · 08/12/2009 21:24

Actually, if that was my teenager then I would be very proud that he had the nerve to go and stand up for a young child. various threads on here will stand as testimony to the fact that many adults do not have the balls to do this.
Yes, he may have misinterpreted, he may not have done, as ruddynorah said we don't know what he saw, but at least he did something.

kormaAAAARRRRGGHHchameleon · 08/12/2009 21:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ruddynorah · 08/12/2009 21:28

i must say, when i rang the police about the incident i saw they were far from interested. i guess they assumed i was just some teenager who should have been minding my own business

Original poster
Horrifiedandscared · 08/12/2009 21:31

A mixed bag of responses.

It was less than 1 minute that the 2 of them were in the car, and the car door was locked. I really didn't think that was an issue as I could see them all the time.

I was in no way violent towards her; I couldn't do that. I was forceful though; what else is one supposed to do with a ballistic 2 year old?

Fair play to the teenager; have no issue with people stepping in.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 08/12/2009 21:37

I was quite with the teenager who piped up sarcasticaly "Nice parenting" When I shouted "You do not run away from me across car parks." after he'd run away from me, across a car park, narrowly avoiding a reversing car.

IBlameThePMT · 08/12/2009 21:45

Put it down to experience. I got glared at today by snotty middle aged man in posh large car because I was getting both my boys out of the car onto the (very quiet!) road rather than onto the pavement. He thought 'crap mum', I thought 'Try my life, tosser' since both boys had thrown a huge wobbler and WOULD NOT get out the right side. People see and people judge and they dont know the whole story.

MmeLindt · 08/12/2009 21:45

I would have been proud if it were my teenager who had the courage to stand up for a small child, whether he had judged the situation correctly or not. He saw what he thought he saw and acted upon.

How many people look away in an ambiguous situation?

If you took 15 mins to get her back in the car, then that would have looked rather dodgy for someone not used to dealing with a stropy 2yo.

Added to that, I feel that you were slightly irresponsible to leave a 2yo who can undo her seat belt alone in the car. I know that I have done the same and I do think, 'There but for the grace of God...' but your decision could have had serious consequences. You were lucky that she did not decide to put the handbrake off.

mrswill · 08/12/2009 21:47

Fair play to the teenager, they must have a very strong sense of social responsibilty, but i can understand where your coming from.

My 16 month old freaks everytime she sees the car, and its like a cage fight everytime, i have to get the timings of her bum touching the seat and dummy being plugged in perfectly, so your not the only one. Dont worry, you did nothing wrong

Original poster
Horrifiedandscared · 08/12/2009 21:47

She was in the car with my 7 year old.

OP posts:
MmeLindt · 08/12/2009 22:02

Don't worry about it.

Even if he does report it, there has to more to it than a one time stressed mother losing her temper with her DD for it to have serious consequences for you.

I can remember shouting at DS to just get in the bloody car and stop the nonsense, then straightening to see our new neighbour walking out of her house. I was mortified. Until I saw her lose it with her DS some time later.

RumourOfAHurricane · 08/12/2009 22:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fledtoscotland · 09/12/2009 09:27

I too think that the teenager was very brave & a credit to his parents if he felt he was able to stand up for a small child.

He may have misinterpreted the situation but better that than ignoring what could have been child abuse (not saying your situation was but other situations could have been)

I do agree that a stroppy child and a car seat are not a good combination but 15 mins? DS1 normally gets into his seat on his own but if I do need to take control, it only takes me a matter or seconds.

I would put it down to experience and move on. my only other advise is to get to grips with the car seat because you may have an occasion when you need to put your child in quick.

jollyoldstnickschick · 09/12/2009 09:30

I was in court on Monday due to a woman attacking my son when hed tried to stop her hurting a little girl.....hes had to have HIV testing and hep c jabs - should he have minded his own business???

Dont judge others so quickly.

VinegarTinselTits · 09/12/2009 09:35

might have been easier if you had taken your toddler into the shop with you instead of spending 15 mins wrestling her

I would also worry about the safety of your car seat, if your 2 yr old can undo it herself, then she could undo it while you are driving and you may not notice until its too late, that is very dangerous

even i struggle to open my car seat, there is no way my 3yr old could undo it himself, i would suggest getting a new one

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 09/12/2009 09:36

I can see why the teenager was distressed by what he apparently saw, even at it's mildest.

for those who have not had much contact with a toddler having a tantrum it is a very very violent thing to see.

I don't think anyone is going to turn up at your door, but also I don't think anyone should be iritated by the teenager having the balls to stand up for your childs well being. Amazing teenager

Original poster
Horrifiedandscared · 09/12/2009 10:17

Thanks for the replies.

I have no issue with the teenager; as you say most would turn a blind eye.

I think in retrospect I should have taken dd in to the shop.

She was very tired; up early with no nap, and hence the breakdown when it came to going in to her car seat. Normally she climbs in herself without any problem.

Can anyone recommend a car seat then that is tricky to undo from a chids pov. We have a Britax atm.

OP posts:
MyCatHasARedderNoseThanRudolph · 09/12/2009 11:02

I think I should caveat my reply. What I was trying to convey was that the teenage probably does not understand the sheer strenght of will of a tantruming toddler and how that can look (teenager may though and was still concerned by what he saw). I was also trying to give some support to the OP who was obviously worried that SS or police would call. I can't accuse her of hurting her child when I have no idea whether she was or not.

Yes, the teenager was right to say something. It was a brave thing to do.

I expect OP you will take DD in to the shop next time. We've got a Maxi Cosi which was a struggle for DD to get out of.

We should patent a design that allows you to get a rigid screaming toddler into a car seat and strapped in with one hand (instead of the two it takes to do up the bloody belt thing).

CliffRichardSucksEggsInHell · 09/12/2009 11:09

I am roundly impressed that a teenager stopped to interfere. Well done that teen!

But also I feel for you OP, screaming, kicking and biting toddlers is no fun and sometimes it must look as though we are harming them when we try to calm them down.

I remember doing this as a tot myself, in fact I was screaming "HELP ME" as my poor befuddled brother was trying to take me home.

The police have common sense, if they do turn up they'll be very reasonable. I don't think you have anything to fear.

But if your tot can undo her straps, I wouldn't leave her alone in the car again.

abra1d · 09/12/2009 11:22

I had a moment like this when I left my 11-year-old, normally very sensible and mature, daughter in the car to go and buy a few things from Waitrose one Sunday lunchtime. She managed to set off the car alarm and got upset, embarrassed, as much as anything. Someone came into the shop and there was announcement that the alarm was going off but they got the car colour wrong (!) and so I didn't know it was my car.

I was worried that SS or the police would be on to me. My daughter is small for her age and it could be thought that I'd left a young child alone and scared. My husband told me to calm down and take a reality check but it took me a few days.

I'm afraid that our society is such that it's not surprising that parents are worried about things that don't actually amount to anything much. My 11-year-old was embarrassed and tearful in public? Horrid for her, but in the great scheme of things, not a disaster. She could have come into the supermarket (a tiny one) to find me. Next time we'll make sure she knows how to turn off the car alarm. And I will certainly leave her alone in the car (in daytime) again.

Flightattendant · 09/12/2009 11:31

How embarrassing.

My 2yo is in that car seat refusal phase atm...he's impossible to get into the buggy as well, yet a complete risk anywhere near a road - literally zero road sense, so sometimes I need to put this shrieking, wriggling, rigid child into the buggy for his own safety. The screams are incredible.

I do get 'looks' from passers by but sometimes there is just no alternative but to force the issue a bit...gently as possible of course and without recourse to shouting or causing injury! Just firmness against the background of screams, really.

I can imagine myself doing similar to that lad as an over-conscientious teenager...I would have known jack about parenting or indeed small children. You have to push them in some way to get them into the seat.

I also leave my two together at times when I am in a shop. Never for long...the 6yo is quite responsible and neither can shift the handbrake even of they wanted to.
And I've left the 2yo happily on his own for 5 minutes, but that's only because he makes it literally impossible to complete the task at hand if you bring him in.

Organising it so that any shopping is done online and no emergencies arise would be a better plan in my circs but I have literally no childcare cover at all, unless I have a dental appt or something pre-arranged. So I have to make a risk assessment every time.