Something awful happened

[Horrifiedandscared]

I had to nip out with the children this evening to a local supermarket to get 1 thing. The parking space was right outside so I could see them all the time, and I was literally one minute. I left the children in the car, although the younger one said she wanted to come out. I said no, as it was raining, and I was literally going in, grabbing the item and going.

I got out to the car, and the younger one was out of her seat (she can un-do it herself) I went to put her back in her seat and she went ballistic. Kicking, grabbing my hands etc etc. I spent 15 minutes grappling with her. I admit I was using some force, but I had no choice. I didn't hit her and I didn't shout.

Anyway, just as I was about to drive off, a teenager came over, so I wound down the window. He accused me of mis-treating dd. I explained that I was just trying to get her in her seat. He accused me of pushing her.
I don't recall pushing her but wonder if I did in the heat of the moment.

I am now worried that they may have got my registration number and keep thinking the police are going to turn up.

I love my children to bits.

What will happen to me/them?

Thanks for the repies again.

I am still really upset by the whole incident. I would never harm either dc, but had to be forceful. What was I to do; I couldn't drive off with her loose in the back.

Usually I am very organised, and do shop on-line. I had started to cook something and then realised I had no tinned tomtoes. That's all I needed from the shop.
Dh was unexpectedly away, so had no choice but to to take them with me. Normally I avoid the shops with my 2 year old, as it really is incredibly stressful.

calm down. its not like social services are going to kick your door in on the say so of a spotty teenager.

I think your concern should be with why the hell you would leave children alone in a car.

Vivia - seriously, for one or two minutes?

What do you think was going to happen? Mine haven't learnt to hotwire it yet.

All they do is play with the stereo, put on the hazard lights and occasionally the windscreen wipers. Ideally I would never leave them alone at all but it's only akin to shutting the front door, taking your keys and going to put the bin out. In fact probably safer than that, there are far more dodgy things they could get up to in a house.

...I know there is the vague possibility one of them could choke on something, or somesuch afwul accident - but if I'm only gone for a minute or two it's unlikely, and besides ds1 is capable of climbing out of the window to alert someone if something does go wrong.

It is a calculated risk but often safer than dragging said children across a busy car park while attempting to do this one small piece of shopping.

OP - it was one of those situations that is so hard to judge. I agree with flightattendant that manhandling a stroppy 2yo across a busy road or car park can be dangerous, but equally having her loose in the car is a problem because she could potentially get into the front of the car, unlock it and get out (my DS1 did this when he was 3 - fortunately in our driveway with me very close!). You can get extra clips to go on car seats (I have one to stop DS2 getting his arms out). I don't know if it would deter a two year old who can undo a proper carseat clip though.

I don't know what the answer is, but I suspect that you are going to have to take her with you all the time until you can be sure she is completely restrained

I'll be watching this thread with interest, as I think that DS2 is not far from being able to undo his carseat (extra clips and all!)

I totally understand the wanting to leave the kids and run in and grab something. Only place I would do it is the petrol station though.

Good for that teenager for caring enough because what if you were mistreating the child?

I can't help feeling that the 15 minutes you spent trying to get the child to stay in the car was a lot more than if you had just decided to take them with you.

If the authorities do contact you I suspect you will be given advice about not leaving your child alone and suggested you take them with you next time.

I had to get someone to help me get DS into his car seat once when he was 2. He got hysterical, kept arching his back and wriggling out, and trying to kick me in the stomach. And I was pregnant and couldn't get close enough. It definitely went on for more than 15 minutes.

nickschick - is your son okay?

Rubys - well, ds1 doesn't, he's 6 and quite sensible - he can work the radio though which is handy for keeping ds2 entertained!

Ds2 can wriggle out on occasion and sometimes I leave him loose, as it were, but the car is always double locked ie you have a setting where you can't actually open it from inside! So no chance of escape. In fact I may leave them both in it this evening the way things are going here

Obviously I do worry about the handbrake and always consider it, every time - but it is very, very stiff one and frankly almost impossible for me to wrench off when I want to! So don't rate their chances.

I seriously don't like leaving them in the car unsupervised and agree it is far from ideal, but when you have to choose between dangerous situations, sometimes it is the lesser of the two. Hopefully that won't be the case for long. I can always take ds1 with me if it's just us two - which is never, sadly! - but if ds2 is there, I sometimes let ds1 'supervise' for a few minutes just like I do at home.

I might add that I worry and feel guilty the entire time when I do leave them! And think of that thing where someone's car caught fire spontaneously etc etc.

You never know do you.

Thanks fab ....well we were incounty court on monday to get an 'undertaking' from this woman (shes a council tenant and they will take notice to reposses if she carries on also she had to 'promise' to stay away from my family etc for the next 18 months.

In january we are in magistrates court shes being charged with assault.....ds also has his last hep c jab so hopefully all will be well and he has a gang of little girl who idolise him now .

Im proud he did what he did but I really hope this junkie woman thing falls heavily onto my right foot sometime soon

It does remind me of being about 13 and a militant cyclist (as proscribed by my dear parents)
I would frequently walk up to taxis sitting in the rank with their engines running and demand that they turned them off in order to save the planet.

The abuse I got was quite predictable.
One took the time to explain that his engine was running because he would freeze to death otherwise. It kind of helped that I understood his position...I think next time some kid accuses me of child abise I'll just hand him ds2 and say 'Right. YOU do it'

But in all fairness we have all only heard the ops version - perhaps she was entirely honest ...perhaps she wasnt.

There have been several times ive seen things and thought for example in morrisons I saw a woman jam her dd in the seat of the trolley with a tin of tomatoes the tin was pressing heavily against her leg and she cried all the way round the supermarket - eventually I said in a very loud voice I think that the tomatoes are hurting her leg - she claimed she 'accidentally' got them stuck there .....

I've recently had the other side of this experience and am wondering what, if anything, to do myself. The other night, I was driving my DSs back from a late school thing and saw a car stopped on the side of a busy road. A mum, who I sort of know from the children's school, was out of the car with her son and appeared to be pulling/pushing him around and whacking him, as he struggled on the verge. Dad was in the car with other child. It looked as if the family had stopped the car and taken the boy out to punsih him and the mum was clearly v v cross.

I felt quite sick when I saw it, as my initial reaction was to think the mum was hitting her child and scaring him and all this was happening on the edge of a busy road, at night-time with lots of passing traffic. Given it was so public, I wondered what went on in private. Since then, I've not known what to do.

Should I say anything to the mum - who I rarely if ever see in any case? Did I misinterpret what I saw, as we were driving past at the time? Who am I to judge another mum, as we all know what it's like to get mad with the children?

However, this is a little boy who has behavioural problems at school, difficulties with fitting in socially and always looks pale and unhappy. A long time back when the children were v v young, we mixed quite a bit with this family but I then withdrew contact because the mum was v judgemental about my children, yet failed to protect one of my DSs when her son and sibs ganged up against him at playdates.

I also witnessed on one occasion, the husband returning from work and within minutes, hitting his toddler son v hard and what felt inappropriately, on the hands just because the child was tired and acting out a bit.

In the light of the original post in this thread, I'm minded to re-consider what I saw and NOT over-interpret it. Maybe this child is v v challenging and the parents were just trying to make a point and stop the car, to emphasise that if he misbehaves, ordinary life stops and he's disciplined? Maybe the mum wasn't actually hittin ghim but just restraining him from hitting her?

However, I'm interested to see what others here might think and what, if anything, you'd do?

solo that doesn't sound right at all.

I had to struggle with my 2 yr old dd yesterday. She was tired from walking quite a fair distance but always refuses to go into the buggy even though she is physically exhausted.

When we reach the stage of her refusing to walk and refusing to get into buggy, I have no choice but to force her into her buggy, else we would just stand there all day.

Yesterday was a bit worse than usual as I had shopping on the back of the buggy which meant the buggy was unbalanced so when I took my hand off the handle it tipped.

I had to grab an angry dd with one hand, whilst keeping one hand on the handle and force her into the buggy. I could have taken all the shopping off but I didn't have the energy to unload it all and then load it all back up .. I just wanted to get home.

So man handling dd one handed must have looked awful, I had cyclists and passerbys giving me looks and I just thought - oh you be in my bloody position.

Do you think I should do anything about it? The child I'm talking about is nearly 9, so a long way from the toddler age and stage, where you may need to do a lot of 'manhandling' to help them comply.

I disagree with you there