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Original poster

Co-sleeping a bad habit?

43 replies

newbie36 · 05/12/2009 14:59

For the past week and a bit, my 10 week old DD has woken up at 4am. She doesn't want food or need a nappy change(she usually eats at around 2 or 3am)

I've tried rocking her back to sleep, but as soon as her head touches the crib mattress she wakes again. The only thing which seems to send her blissfully back to sleep is by me bringing her back to our bed, where she sleeps soundly for another 3 to 4 hours.

What I'm wondering is, does anyone else do co-sleeping - and am I making a rod for my own back? Should I try and persevere with rocking her to sleep (though got to admit not tempting at 4am with a cold house and my warm bed beckoning.....!!)

OP posts:

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cluckyagain · 05/12/2009 15:01

Lots of people co sleep - I could never do it as it woke me up constantly and I wanted my own bed! Your baby, your choice. x

CarmenSanDiego · 05/12/2009 15:03

I've co-slept with all my three and ds is still sleeping with us.

My dds both happily moved into a bed when we were all ready for them to.

Co-sleeping is perfectly natural and normal.

ImSoNotTelling · 05/12/2009 15:04

We;ve got one of these babies at the mo...

I'd rather not but sleep comes first!

Loads of people on here co-sleep

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iamanewmum31 · 05/12/2009 20:06

After having an emergancy C section and breast feeding I have been co-sleeping with my DD. I follow the 'safety rules' that I'm sure you have. We sleep better as my DD doesn't have to cry for a feed. I did not plan on co-sleeping. I have her cot next to the bed, I put her in first if we go to bed when she is awake so she is used to it. My scar hurts when I have been very active so I find it difficult lifting her up and down at night so it is easier having her next to me. My DD is now eight weeks old and was wondering when she should be in her cot all night? Any tips? My DH has been wonderful and supportive but is still on the sofa! I have found co sleeping to be a controversial subject.

Rebecca41 · 05/12/2009 20:07

I gave up trying to get DS2 to settle in his cot when he was about 2 weeks old. He's 7 months old now and still in with me.

DS1 wasn't great either, and spent most nights with me too.

But, when DS1 was 3, I decided I was fed up of being kicked in the night, and he moved into his own room. It was surprisingly easy, nothing like the rod-for-my-back people had warned me of. He was fine about it.

So I'm not stressing about DS2 sleeping in with me. When the time is right he'll move.

Humans are social creatures, it's natural for them to want the warmth and comfort of another person.

And it's natural for Mums to want some sleep!

Reesie · 05/12/2009 20:07

I started co-sleeping with dd1 as she was an appalling sleeper. She easily went into her own bed when she started sleeping through (although I carried on co-sleeping for a year as I liked it so much )

dd2 - I didn't even bother getting the moses basket out of the attic - she just went straight into bed with me.

It really is very natural - there is no rod to be made for your back. They are tiny helpless little things - of course they sleep better near you - it makes them feel secure and happy. Why fight it?

For millions of years the human race has slept with it's young. Lots and lots of cultures still do. It's only in our very recent westernized world that we have been putting our babies away from us at night.

At the end of the day - they are only babies for a tiny bit of time. Snuggle up with your little baby and both have a lovely sleep. When you are old and grey in your rocking chair - you'll look back and relish those lovely memories!

Sputnik · 05/12/2009 20:16

I think it is totally normal for them to want a cuddle, and it's totally normal for you not to want to get out of your nice warm bed in the hope your baby will get back to sleep. I co-slept with both mine (after a lot of angst with no.1 about creating "bad habits") and had no problem moving them out when the time came.

Actually we had a cot with an open side next to the bed in a kind of side car arrangement, it worked really well.

ImSoNotTelling · 05/12/2009 20:20

iamanewmum i don't think there is a specfic time they should go into their cots - it depends what feels right for you and your family and your DH.

Personally I like my bed to myself (and DH) and so am always keen to get the DC in their own cots, but others prefer to have their DC in with them for longer.

Also you can be flexible - if you try your DD in her cot and it doesn't go well you can always bring her back in with you. Nothing is set in stone (unless you want it to be).

i hope your scar feels better soon. i have had 2 sections and made a good and full recovery each time - i am sure you will be the same it just takes a little time

Sputnik · 05/12/2009 20:21

Reesie, I am merely oldish and greyish, and my DS moved to his own bed about 3 months ago. I already feel nostalgic!

ImSoNotTelling · 05/12/2009 20:25

Ha all you happy co-sleeers. Both of mine have adopted a sideways sleeping style, and then get a good wriggle on, kicking one of us in the head and punching the other all night.

I love it when they go to their own beds

I am a bit of a meany mummy when it comes to getting my sleep!

Sputnik · 05/12/2009 20:27

That is the advantage of the side-car! Eventually they spend longer and longer in "their" space and less in yours.

YouLukaAmazing · 05/12/2009 20:28

Message withdrawn

PlonkerTeatowelOnTheirHeads · 05/12/2009 20:32

I co-slept with my littlest for around 9 months.

She moved happily into a cot after that, although she does sneak into bed with me around 5/6am every morning, which I love

IMHO, your rod, your back, do what works best for you and your baby

zonedout · 05/12/2009 20:46

what reesie said (so beautifully put) except i have ds1 & 2 (rather than dd's)

iamanewmum31 · 05/12/2009 21:07

Thanks 'imsonottellong' and everyone for your advice. Will let nature take it's course.

giveitago · 06/12/2009 18:15

Depends on your lifestyle.

We happily cosleep - I'm positive that ds will go into his own bed when happy enough to (and we've upgraded decor from nursery to a boys room).

I like it - ds likes it - we think it's natural - certainly I think it's what the majority of mum's in the world do anyhow.

But it certainly is frowned upon and isn't for everyone.

BTW - little one slept through night from 2 months old - made no difference whether in cot or whether with me.

sanfairyann · 06/12/2009 18:17

we also co-sleep, just need a bigger bed .

oldwoman · 06/12/2009 18:21

It depends on your personal views.

In my case, I couldn't get either of mine into the cot but they would settle easily in bed with me. I was happy to have them in bed with us so it was fine. They both are still in bed with me (nearly 4 & nearly 2) - if you think that's fine, then go for it.

Plenty of people would not share their bed for that long so just consider whether you are willing to or not. It could be hard to get them out once you have them in. I don't know when or how mine will go in their own beds, but it doesn't bother us.

iamanewmum31 · 07/12/2009 08:58

It does seem like the natural way. I can check on my DD by opening my eyes and she has food on tap. After
9 months in the womb it is natural for a baby to be close to it's Mother. I have spent too long agonising over this subject and other peoples opinions ( most of who didn't look after their own children properly). All of the loving Mothers I know have told me they co-slept but have only told me as I have asked for their advice. Unfortunatly there still are ignorent people who disappove. Do what is right for you.

PrettyCandles · 07/12/2009 09:07

At that hour of the morning, I expect that she is cold. No wonder she will sleep in your bed, but not in her cot!

If it works for you, then go ahead. Remember, nothing is set in stone. You can change any habit, some things are just harder to change than others.

I have co-slept to some extent with all three of mine - with dc3 we didn't even build the cot until he was 3 or 4 months old.

TBH, I think letting her drift off in your bed, especially if she is not being fed to sleep, is a far better habit to get into than getting her reliant on being rocked to sleep.

PrettyCandles · 07/12/2009 09:08

Oh, and none of them were in bed with us once they stopped night-feeds. If they have learned to self-settle, and are warm, then they transition easily to their own cot.

LauraN1 · 07/12/2009 12:06

Making a rod for your own back? It's not the co-sleeping, it's having a child that's making the rod for your own back

ImSoNotTelling · 07/12/2009 18:33

Many a true word and all that lauraN1

I have two lovely little rods...

Morloth · 08/12/2009 13:37

I co-slept and now have to crash tackle him to get a cuddle. He has his story of an evening in our bed and then says "Goodnight" and goes and jumps into his. I love the mornings where he comes in and snuggles up.

Enjoy your tiny baby while she can't get away .

EdgarAleNPie · 08/12/2009 13:47

i like co-sleepin, and generally they started the night in their beds..and by morning were next to me...

Still, they both slept through in their own beds @6mo so i wasn't making a rod for my own back.

@10 weeks they are still really small and full of need.

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