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Parenting

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Original poster

Co-sleeping a bad habit?

43 replies

newbie36 · 05/12/2009 14:59

For the past week and a bit, my 10 week old DD has woken up at 4am. She doesn't want food or need a nappy change(she usually eats at around 2 or 3am)

I've tried rocking her back to sleep, but as soon as her head touches the crib mattress she wakes again. The only thing which seems to send her blissfully back to sleep is by me bringing her back to our bed, where she sleeps soundly for another 3 to 4 hours.

What I'm wondering is, does anyone else do co-sleeping - and am I making a rod for my own back? Should I try and persevere with rocking her to sleep (though got to admit not tempting at 4am with a cold house and my warm bed beckoning.....!!)

OP posts:

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ABetaDad · 08/12/2009 14:16

DW and I have always been very much against co-sleeping, even when DW was breast feeding (but we had a nice comprise as you will see below).

One of our friends has allowed their DS2 to creep back into their bed age 7 and it really is causing major problems.

We have another set of friends where the woman has insisted on continuous co-sleeping for 8 years (4 babies). Her DH is a saint and does not complain but his DW insists on it and I just think she is incredibly selfish and needs to get a grip.

Sorry, but rod for your own back. Parents deserve some space and co-sleeping is really inviting DCs to take over your life. Me and DW just had a rule from the start, babies have cots and that is where they sleep.

iamanewmum31 - I found it impossible to sleep in the same bed as DW and a baby as I was frightened of rolling over. I think you should try and get the baby in the cot next to your bed and get DH back with you. He must be have a fairly rotten nights sleep and pretty disconnected from you and the baby too.

We had a good compromise that we used which was that the cot was right next to our bed for a year. DW could get up and breast feed at night and then be put them back in the cot. However, DSs did come into the bed early morning so DW could breast feed and have a lie in while I made coffee and then come back to bed. That was really nice for me (and DW) as I could get up and lift the baby out of the cot, change etc and put down with DW while she just laid in bed. Then I could lay next to DW and the baby while DW fed in the morning. Made me feel much closer to the baby and DW and then later I did some FF at night when DW stopped breast feeding.

JustAnotherManicMummy · 08/12/2009 14:34

We co-sleep if DS won't go easily into his cot and I'm too shattered to do an hour of patting and shushing.

He's spent a portion of the night in our bed since 3mo.

It's only a problem if you are feeling amorous... and there's a baby in your bed getting in the way. Although you just need to do a little but of planning...

EdgarAleNPie · 08/12/2009 15:31

@abetada.

talking about a 10 week old, not a toddler or even an older baby... ,

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RemyMartin · 08/12/2009 15:41

What you are doing sounds fine to me, I think most parents probably do the same sort of thing, unless they exclusively co-sleep. I did the same with my ds, he is 18 months now and usually happy to sleep in his cot unless he's ill.

ABetaDad, if you don't like sleeping on your own, why should a tiny baby? And don't you find that children do take over your life anyway?

roslily · 08/12/2009 16:21

If ds didn't sleep with me then I would be dead from lack of sleep by now! And dh sleeps in spare room of his own choice as he doesn't want to be woken in night.

ABetaDad · 08/12/2009 18:45

We just started as we meant to go on from birth. Our DSs slept in a cot 2 cm from our bed. It was in effect an extension of our bed but separate enough for them to get used to sleeping alone whle being very close still.

I am constantly amazed by parents agonising over getting their children to stay in their own beds, refusing to lie down in their cot, controlled crying etc.

Children do take over our lives but they also need to be taught there are boundaries from birth and that means sleeping in a cot. Its not like I am talking about leaving them on a hillside in Sparta!

Bleatblurt · 08/12/2009 18:54

ROFL @ "boundaries from birth". We clearly have completely different parenting styles ABetaDad.

You big meanie.

ABetaDad · 08/12/2009 19:00

My mother used to leave me outside all night in my pram. I had to feed 200 pigs every night from age 8 when I got home from school. My parents have a photo of me age 3 feeding pigs. I went to a very tough boarding school from 11.

I lived.

roslily · 08/12/2009 19:47

You obviously had very easy babies then. My ds screamed the first night home from hospital, and would only sleep on one of us once he had exhausted himself screaming. He would not go in the moses basket aged 2 days old without screaming, and I will not leave such a young baby screaming.

We had a basket next to bed, but dh chose to go into spare room so as not to be disturbed. You can't make judgements on what other people have to do as you have different babies. You get the baby you get, some can be put down awake, some can't. It has very little to do with what parents do or don't do.

iamanewmum31 · 08/12/2009 20:03

I had not planned on co-sleeping. I had a c-section which caused me pain lifting my baby in and it of the cot. The only time I can rest is at night. I refuse to give my baby formula milk. As I recover my baby will go in her cot eventully. I take on board your opinion as obviously we will need our bed back at some point.

Sputnik · 08/12/2009 21:23

Every baby is going to be different, I don't think you can make judgements based on experience of just 1 or 2. I resisted having DD (my first) in with me for a very long time, not wanting to create "bad habits", I would be getting up constantly, trying to get her back to sleep. She would go back to sleep but just kept waking up again.

Had she stayed asleep I might be writing now about sticking to my guns and how my wonderful parenting style made a good sleeper bla bla. As it was I "gave in" after 7 or 8 months of pointless sleep deprivation and never looked back. We both slept so much better. Surely that is the important thing?

spiderlight · 08/12/2009 22:14

I love co-sleeping. DS was in a sidecar crib initially because I was terrified of rolling onto him; then when he outgrew it his cot magically moved from his room into ours one day, and now that he's gradually making the transition into his big-boy bed in his own room - completely of his own volition - I'm absolutely bereft on nights when he decides to sleep in there! It's been wonderful for us - very little sleep deprivation even when he was tiny and he's a happy sleeper with few bedtime battles and no fear of the dark. It's always felt totally natural to me to have him close by, and the morning when I was woken by him stroking my hair and saying 'Ahhh - pretty, pretty mummy' was ample reward for the occasional sideways nights and feet-in-face-at-4am incidents!

Original poster

newbie36 · 14/12/2009 12:14

Thanks for all the replies. Going with the thought that she's only 10 weeks old, and I really enjoy her being in bed with us. My DP doesn't mind and he feels the same. In fact this morning, he went off to work at 5am and me and DD went back to our bed - bliss - for another 3 hours. Co-sleeping helps with sleep deprivation plus I get just me and her time.

OP posts:

ineedalifelaundry · 14/12/2009 14:20

My dd is 15 months and co-sleeps with us from about 1am every night (on her first waking)

I do this because:

I am too tired to deal with getting her back down in her cot and this way we all get back to sleep in 2 mins

Like Reesie said, when I'm old I will remember and enjoy the memories of cosleeping

It's completely natural to cosleep

She won't want to sleep with us when she's 15, so I'm making the most of all the cuddles now

Both DH and I love it

DD loves it and sleeps better for it

Win win all round.

ErikaMaye · 15/12/2009 17:33

DS is five weeks tomorrow. Occassionally he comes in with me. Started off because he had a bug (got ill at two weeks old, how unfair is that?) and wouldn't settle. Now its more if I'm too tired to hold him to feed (have ME) at night, its easier for both of us to snuggle up and feed laying down. Have also found he gets less wind that way.

He will also settle by himself in his Moses basket, so, so far, am inclinded to disagree with the rod for your own back statment.

Also second the fact that you won't be able to cuddle up with them for the majority of time - so might as well make the most of it.

Littlemai · 15/12/2009 18:37

saying that they are pretty much saying don't love your baby too much or they might get used to it.
I am still trying to help him settle in the moses basket in the day but am not worrying about night time. Before I had him everyone said to me to trust my instincts (some of these people have turned into rod for own back people) and my instincts tell me not to leave a tiny little baby crying but as a first time mum i am very insecure about all my choices.I am now working on feeling happy and enjoying the choices I have made and trying to worry less about other people-easier said than done though!!

ineedalifelaundry · 15/12/2009 21:45

How can you 'love your baby too much'?! That's exactly what a baby needs- love. As much as possible.

Littlemai, you are doing a fabulous job. You are a brilliant mum. Do trust your instincts. Whatever decisions you make as a parent, someone will disagree with you. Ignore ignore ignore.

octopusinabox · 15/12/2009 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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