How can I teach my child not to be so b*** competitive?

[Pitchounette]

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I'll get shot down in flames for this but do you really want to teach him not to be so competitive? Can't help thinking that it will stand him in good stead in later life.

I tend to agree with LaBelleDame. As long as it's not taken to a pathological degree, competitiveness can be a healthy thing.

But I think that perhaps the answer (because my dd is rather like this too) is first of all to work on being a gracious loser and then to change the emphasis so that it's about being the best that you can be (sorry that sounds rather cheesy) rather than being better then other children. So, if you swam 10 strokes last week, can you swim 12 strokes this week? That way, it becomes about beating your own personal best, rather than a competition with other children.

better than other children.

Obviously I would not win a typing competition.

I had the same last year with my ds (then 6). He was very competitive, especially with his sister.
It was his first year at primary school here in Italy and competition was rife among his peers (especially with regards to football).

I noticed that it's got better now, as he is more settled at school and more relaxed with his friends.

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Also have a DS like you.

I share school runs with friend. Yesterday morning my DS a total hissy because his friend finished his porridge first! He can stand it if anyone else is first. He even races to make sure that he is in the bath first.

Exasperating at times.

No, he wasn't. It was never an issue before. Before going to primary school here in Italy, he had nearly a year of schooling in the UK and it's never been an issue.

As I said, I think it was a way to "fit in" with the new situation, new friends etc, as now he is much less competitive about things.

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I wonder whether the answer is to take him outside his comfort zone and give him some experience of doing something for the joy of doing it and not being the best for once. Music? a sport? And does he do anything which requires him to be part of a team - Beavers? Football? Brownies has been very good for my dd in showing her that she can't always expect to be first among equals.

Does he do any sport Pitch? Would it be a good idea finding him some team sport to do?

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DS is highly competitive - it was terrible when he was 6, but not so bad now as he plays competitive sports and excels himself at anything where competition is involved

For example, tables and spellings tests - he so wants to get everything right, he practises like mad with no need for us to remind him

What you do need to watch for is "blowing his own trumpet" - this drives other children and their parents up the wall (luckily DS learned not to doo this too badly from watching a friends DS.....)

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i know exactly what you mean, my DS is now 7 and he is still very competitive.
it has decreased slightly and i think he has just accepted that he cant be first in everything.

IMO it helps that your DS has got a sibling - and i think youll just have to carry on as you are doing now.

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I found ds a very fluffy football school, where they stress collaboration, the importance of playing for fun, fair play etc. He is loving it (though he hasn't realized yet he will probably not become a great footballer )

Hmm. Ds1 is now 9 and still gets in his report cards that he needs to appreciate that not every situation is a competition ... his new teacher is fab though and is permitting him to stretch himself and we are finally persuading him that being finished first isn't best, but should aim to finish with everything right first time. He is in a P5/6 class and rather than having the P6 work as extension work he's been put into the P6 groups for everything so he's being challenged from the start. Team things not so good for him but he does love his tennis.

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Hopefully, as he gets older - and it sounds as if his teacher is on the ball too, which will help - he will become more aware that how he behaves affects how other people feel about him and behave towards him. My dd has really begun to understand now that boasting and showing off will antagonise other children.

I do think that Beavers might be a good option but, actually, so too will the football in the long term. He will come to see that you can still have a lot of fun without being the team's star player.

Well, he has always done swimming and is now in a training squad (though he's moaning a bit about the training - no gala's yet!) and he plays football for a local team (and anywhere else he can!)

He also goes to Cubs, which is not competitive unless they are entering sporting events (which he obviously adores!)

He recognises that friend's son blows his own trumpet very loudly and annoyingly (although he is a bit better now he's 10!)and we laugh about it so he just kind of knows it's not cool (though he of course does do it sometimes!)

We also always go on about doing your best and it's not the winning but having fun / supporting team-mates, etc. DS has a very forceful personality, and tends to be a leader (not always in the right way) but his football coach did him a great favour when he made him team captain as he knows he has to encourage everyone in his team if they are going to win

HI I have just joined today so forgive me if I make a mess of this, I have exactly the same problem with my 6 year old she is the middle child so that might have something to do with it. When she is getting ready for school she shoves her weetabix in so quickly that it takes her about 1 minute, if she isn't the first one to get dressed she cries and shouts at me for helping her little sister. She has joined karate and red cross, the thing is when she is racing against her school friends on sports day. If you find out how to stop it please let me know.(wink)