Anyone else think they've made a big mistake.

[cfc]

My boy is 6 months old and God knows I love the very bones of him but I really don't think I was made to be a mum.

I got pregnant so soon after our wedding and it was a shock but we were so happy. I think I feel resentful that hubby and I didn't more time to spend together, alone. And other resentments too.

The thing is he's such a 'good' little baby (not that I believe there's such a thing as a bad baby, you understand). Not such hard work as other babies I've read about on here. So I feel like a twat complaining about him.

I feel like a fraud. I say all the right things, I smile beatifically at him at the right moments...whereas all the time I'm thinking "how close are we to another nap time/bed time?".

Fake loving mum of the year award goes to me.

I can't imagine having another baby because I, truthfully, think it's really rubbish.

Hubby want to TTC soon and sometimes I agree about it but mostly I just go hmm.

I think having a little baby is 90% rubbish and 10% good.

I know I'm a terrible person. Flame me and tell me to get over it please, I've got a baby now and that's that.

Or you could just be really tired and wondering where you/your old life has gone? You're very brave to come and say this. I think, at six months, it's probably not unusual to feel like this. Can't remember when I felt that way but definitely feels familiar. It honestly, truthfully does get better. I promise!

most of the time having a baby is a bit rubbish imo - it can sometimes feel like groundhog day until they get a bit older. there is nothing wrong with looking forward to a break - you are not a terrible person for feeling like this.

were you working before you fell pg?

does your dh help out at weekends/evenings?

You should do a PND test, these feelings can be a sign of PND, its quite common for it to come on at 6 months. I have it and feel so much better now its being treated.

yes - belle - I think six months was around when I felt like this. The initial rush and excitement about a newborn had worn off and I definitely was mourning my old life.

You love him and you look after him properly. You're NOT a terrible person or a bad mother. You are just still getting used to the enormous change in your life. And, also, lots of people just don't really enjoy looking after babies, but start loving it as they get older. Don't feel guilty and don't worry. Everything you are saying sounds perfectly normal.

Maybe best to wait to TTC until you feel better adjusted though!

Motherhood is made to look fluffy and golden, and then we feel like shite when we don't feel like we should.

Hope someone comes along soon with good advice x

You know, I think quite a lot of people don't find the baby stage very rewarding - a lot of what you are doing is so mundane and repetitive, and although our DCs are responsive, they are still very young and can't do that much.

I suspect you will find that it gets more fulfilling when your ds gets a bit older. I've noticed a real shift just in the past few days of ds (81/2 mo) becoming much better company.

But you might not, and I think you should be very honest with your DH about how you're feeling before TTC another baby.

Meanwhile, it sounds like you are doing the best you can for your ds, which is all any of us can do.

I am not so tired, tbh. He's a good napper and sleeper and last night hubby sent me away to a lovely hotel and a night out on the town by myself, cinema then restaurant - alone time I had been positively craving - see, I feel like I shouldn't complain at all!

But being away and not attached to this little baby whether it be metaphorically speaking or literally (bf) has made the drudgery that is my life all the more acute. I said as much to DH today but he doesn't get it.

He is great. A really hard worker and provider and takes the baby of an evening and weekend, I couldn't ask for more I don't think.

See. I told you I had it good. Wtf am I complaining about, I hear you cry!

I was a solicitor before I became pregnant but I don't think if I went back to work it would be better tbh. Coming home of an evening to the baby and then dealing with that terrible time of the day after a day's work - yuck.

I'm feeling SO hard done by and sorry for myself. I could cry on demand, I swear. Someone please help me to snap out of it!! I need a kick up the arse.

It took me longer than six months to really fall in love with my ds. I found parenthood so hard in the beginning because of this. I just wanted to say that you are not alone in feeling this way.

Two years on and I am unbelievably happy and have a brilliant relationship with my fabulous, funny and brilliant ds. It will all click into place for you too, I am sure.

It does sound like PND. Please go to your GP and tell him/her how you feel. They really can help you and will not judge you.

Edinburgh test

I felt the same after DD. It was a shock to find out i was pg (DH and i had only been going out a year at that point) the pregnancy was horrid and i hated the fact that my life wasn't my own anymore. We have recently started ttc again and i wasn't sure to start with as i felt i was just starting to get 'me' back again.

I wonder if for me, i felt like this because a lot of my friends disappeared after the novelty wore off and my family are not close by enough to help ou like many new mothers have. Is this the same for you?

I now love being a mum to my DD, and we do things to suit us, but i have a couple of facebook 'friends' who have had babies in the last year that are always off on nights out, weekends away, girly shopping trips all because their family has the baby every weekend. I do sometimes get irritated by them because they have the chance to still have their old life as well as the new one iyswim?

IMHO, i would say to wait a while before ttc as it sounds like you are not sure about the idea. It is your body and your life, and your choice

Speak to your HV and get a PND test done.
I felt like this with DD and never connected with her till she was about 6 months old.

BFing failed and I was teary and depressed all the time.
Because the HV didn't do a test till I think it was about 8 months they only got the tail end of it but said that I was probably PND and should have been treated.

you should read another thread on mumsnet called 'The Motherhood Delusion' it might make you feel better that you are not at all alone. Also it is common for PND to come on at this stage, 5-6 months in. feeling low, unfulfilled, unhappy it's so common. but also remember you might be feeling like this anyway regardless of having a baby, I think many of us can go through these stage through out life and it's important to stay strong and look for support from friends or family and the doctor too. I remember feeling exactly the same at about 5-6 months and especially finding it hard with my DP but we got through it. I wouldn't rush in to pregnancy until you feel a bit better though

Cfc- what do you do all day every day with your baby?

Just asking because although a small baby can be pretty boring, they are also pretty portable- especially when you have no other children.

When I had my first I just did loads of stuff I wanted to do- went out shopping, explored new places, visted lots of cafes/coffee shops, did parent/baby swimming, went to the zoo, met friends for lunch. DS was also a really good, easy baby and very sociable. I had a great time.

I was in for a shock when dds 1 and 2 arrived as I soon realised I couldn't do most of these things with toddlers in tow!

I have wondered about PND, just did the test, thank you bonjour, and scored a 12.

But I wonder if I'm just having a bad day?

How is it treated anyway?

It can be treated with giving you more time to yourself and getting you more sleep, counselling or a short course ( usually 6 months) of ADs. I tried counselling first and I'm now on ADs. I was a bit scared to go on them but everything is so much better now and its not for ever. I enjoy my kids so much more than I did.

Monster - we do something every day, the services around here are fab for new mums and if I weren't to get out I think I'd die.

I will look at the other thread thank yoU!

'I was a solicitor before I became pregnant but I don't think if I went back to work it would be better tbh. Coming home of an evening to the baby and then dealing with that terrible time of the day after a day's work - yuck.'

oh it all sounds so familiar....

my ds1 was a very difficult baby, but the rest of your post I could have written. I was able to escape at times too but it never helped, I just dreaded going back. I ended up starting a full time phD when he was 7/8 months just cos couldnt' stand any more being at home.

I actually did feel better when I went back to work even though the evenings were horrible, I just felt I had a part of me back.

I look back and think yes, I did have PND, but there are good reasons why so many of us get it. I don't think it's actually an 'illness' in many cases, just some of us have been completely used to our own self-determined lives beforehand and life with a baby is just a hell of a terrible, ongoing shock. I remember feeling as if I'd died, my life was over.

It also gets so much better when they really interact and talk- my 6 year old is now a joy to spend the day with (although still occasionally irritating as hell of course)and the 2 year old terribly good fun (although utterly unreasonable). It will improve and you're not mad.

Understand completely. Felt like this with dc1 until he was nearly 8m old and returning to my career was on the horizon. I found being a SAHM very lonely, despite the fact that dh was a very hands on Dad when he came home.

Working p/t and having time with dc felt like the best of both worlds - as I truly enjoyed my time with him then.

Having had dc2 and a totally different experience, I realise now this disconnectedness was undiagnosed PND and I sincerely wish I had gone to see my GP.

CFC would urge you to go and talk to your GP and dh and delay ttc until you feel you are ready.

six months is a hard time because not only (as chacha said) has the initial rush worn off but your baby is getting heavy to lug around, is lurchy when you're carrying him but not mobile, needs more entertainment. Trying to shovel in solids is frustrating and the resultant nappies can be grim! Even 'good' babies are hard work at this age, and there is a lot of drudgery.

Things will get better. The baby stage is hard work for everyone - however besotted they seem. Soon your little boy will say his first words, be able to run around and entertain himself for a while (with the help of Cbeebies!) Even though toddlers are heavy going at times, the days go much faster and there is much more you can do together.

You are not a bad person. The only unusual thing is that you actually came on here and admitted your feelings.

Take care, and keep us posted about how you are getting on.

CFC, sounds very familiar - I too had "good" baby who napped and slept well but I was so bored by the routine of it all. Going back to work when she was 10 months old helped enormously and to be honest the evenings after work were fine - she slept from 7pm and so I had the evening to myself and hubby (sometimes I worked, sometimes I did other things). Also my MIL looked after baby some nights so DH and I could go out - take advantage of help.

DD is now a 17 month old toddler and is becoming good fun to be around (if not more exhausting and demanding as she is hitting the terrible twos early!).

What keeps me going? That as each month goes by she is going to be more and more interesting and fun to be around and we can be more flexible with our time.

I have never been a "baby person" but you know what - I rather like children ;-)

cfc - I think if you feel that you can cry on demand ,then maybe you are depressed and a visit to the GP might help.
I guess you might be depressed though because ,for you, being a mum isn't the right thing .
If I had my time again ,I wouldn't be a mum .
Not that I don't love my offspring ( think I love him too much ,that's part of the problem ).
But I doubt you're a bad mum, probably not a happy one ,which of course would be ideal ,but no one's perfect.
Be nice to yourself ,try and work on ways of managing your situation.Don't feel guilty about it though.
You have all my sympathy.