Ridiculous things you've said to your kids!

[Lilybunny]

Yesterday I was in a real hurry to get out of the house and sent my dd (4) to quickly get ready. She came back dressed but moaning that she couldn't find a pair of socks. My response?
"Well just find some the same colour!".

It got me thinking about the daft stuff we say to our kinds, especially under pressure! I'd love to hear some more. Anyone want to share?

DS: I want a lollypop, I want sweeties, I want ...

MmeL: I want a Porsche, are you going to buy me one?

I told ds "I don't want to see you hitting your little sister again!"
So he took her into another room....................

Most things i come out with are pretty rubbish but when you are in a strop with teenage dc and you slur your words and sound drunk it's so annoying - last night's was said in an angry voice "Can you PLEASE sschlop arguing!" cue hilarity and mimicking from dcs!

"Ok, that's enough, you're boring me now."

and

"Oh get a life."

DS1 is kicking a small ball around the living room.

Me: If you kick that ball in here ONCE more, it's going in the bin.
DS1: Throws ball
Me:

Me to DD3 'Honey, it's nice if you watch TV then Mummy can have some time on her own which makes Mummy happy'! In other words 'Just leave me ALONE for 5 mins so I can browse on MN'!

Today's wisdom...

"If you don't stop leaning on the (pull out) keyboard, it will break!"

Said whilst I was thumping the stupid thing. funnily enough it is now hanging off

A neighbours dog had just died.
DS "Where's Molly"
Me " She's gone away"
DS "Is she in America?"
Me "Yes"
The only answer an athiest could give. Shortly afterwards realised the neighbour was in his garden and had heard us.

My DH insists on talking to DS (7mo) in the same way he talks to DD (3.5). He has done this since DS was born. Common phrases include:
'Now just pack it in'.
'I'm not going to put up with this sort of behaviour'.
'I'm not going to tell you again....'.
If you don't stop crying you are going to be in big trouble with me.'

I have tried explaining that DS doesn't have a clue what he's talking about, and that maybe a more baby-focussed method would work better, but to no avail!

Years ago, I worked in a preschool. At the dress-rehearsal for the nativity, all the kids were (predictably) high as kites and pretty much doing just about anything and everything they weren't supposed to do while nursery workers dashed around trying to keep them safe and somewhat together as a group.
In the midst of the chaos, Mary and Joseph were supposed to be practising their 'lines' at the front of the stage, but Mary kept giggling and forgetting hers. Joseph stood beside her swaying, making faces, clucking his tongue and bumping his hips off hers. He continued to do this as the preschool leader attempted to focus Mary by saying: 'say, 'Look at our lovely baby'. Time and time again, Mary looked blank and the preschool leader repeated, to no avail.
Eventually, in a moment of sheer exasperation, the preschool leader turned to Joseph, gave him a long, stern look, and said 'Joseph, for heaven's sake! You are her HUSBAND. PLEASE Just TRY to be a little more SUPPORTIVE!'

Teaching the youngest to use a pedestrian crossing - 'Don't cross until you see the green man' The puzzled look on his face was priceless as he looked up and down the street for a green man!!!

When the eldest was about 3 and we were driving round a tight bend we called out 'Hold onto your teeth!' It's just a daft old saying round our way, a few miles later he askes can he let go of them now!!

DH to ds1 (3.4) today when he was having an almighty tantrum about putting a sweater on "Just grow up will you!"

last weekend

me: If you don't put your boots on you're not going to the party.

me 5 minutes later: bellowing: Put your boots on - don't you want to go to the party?

DS1 predictably: No I don't.

So we didn't go - just love it when they call your bluff

Me and DD doing weekly shop in sainsburys:

DD - 'can we get a bottle of this pepsi max mum, its on special offer...'

Me- 'No cos if we buy it then you two will just drink it all so what's the point of that?'

DD - 'Erm, that is the point of pepsi max isn't it?'

tsk... damn smartarse kids....

Very late in pregnancy with DS3, after being admitted several times with ridiculously high blood pressure. Ds1 and 2(6 and 4 at the time)very poor at getting ready for school without winding me up
"Behave NOW or Mummy will have to go to hospital AGAIN and you'll be stuck with grumpy daddy".
Wrong on so many levels but it always worked (and my midwife wouldn't even take my BP at the time if it was within an hour of the school run 'cos she just KNEW it would be sky high and I'd have to be admitted again )

Stop making me laugh, I am too pregnant to cope with the giggles!!

DD1 (2yo) standing very quietly in the corner. Too quiet! I asked her twice 'What are you doing in the corner there?' and got the reply 'Poo in pants!'
Sorry I asked....

Playing hide and seek with son, I cheated and changed hiding places. When I jumped out at him he asked me where I was I told him that I had magically hid in the microwave, he keeps asking me to show him how I did it
one from him; when told to cover his nose when sneezing he replies with i'm not sneezing, i'm achooing

DS: 'But I WANT a new Power Ranger

Me: 'Yeah well I want a pony, but it aint gonna happen'

DS (bawls) 'But I dont want a pony I wnat a Power Ranger

Me: 'Oh god please just be quiet'

DiscoPpants have done the same with hiding, and cant bring myself to admit I cheated

In any kind of back and forth argument (why do I let myself do that with a 4yo????) where I'm just running out of 'well, it just is' or 'because i say so' type answers, the only thing left to me is 'whatever'. I say it a lot.

To DD, 4.5 months and utterly immobile:

"You just stay there and mummy will be back in a minute"

evansmummy, I'm exactly the same, find myself bickering with a four year old "yes you do" "no I don't" style (ridiculous) and "oh whatever" is how I normally end it!