Ridiculous things you've said to your kids!

[Lilybunny]

Yesterday I was in a real hurry to get out of the house and sent my dd (4) to quickly get ready. She came back dressed but moaning that she couldn't find a pair of socks. My response?
"Well just find some the same colour!".

It got me thinking about the daft stuff we say to our kinds, especially under pressure! I'd love to hear some more. Anyone want to share?

Not me but a good one:

Mother: What is that cushion doing there? (looking at cushion on the floor)

Son: (long pause while looking at cushion). Nothing mummy. It's not doing anything at all.

Mum to me when I was about 14 - "You do wear your clothes a lot."

DH to DD when she was about 6 weeks - "Stop being such a big baby!"

STOP SHOUTING!!

Some of the oldies but goodies are 'if you break your leg don't come running to me', 'if you fall and kill yourself don't come moaning to me'. Both pretty much impossible.

Me: Do not talk with food in your mouth please
DD:

Me (to Ds2 (2)who is running around the table): Say "please can I get down" if you have finished dinner.

DS2: Please

Me:..."Can I get down"...

DS2: (looking puzzled)But I already down.

Can't fault the logic.

I'm constantly doing running commentary to ds, 13 months. Keeps me sane...ish

"NO! No poppet, no climbing inside the dishwasher. You're not a saucepan." [hoiks crawler out over the cutlery holder]

Trying to get him to give the toothbrush back:
"It's Toothbrush's bedtime now. Toothbrush is very tired. [extract brush, put in holder] Night-night Toothbrush..."

And I can read books ten yards away... "That's not my wotsit! It's thingy is too whatever!"

"That's not my wotsit. It's thingy is too whatever!"

Brilliant. Quote of the week.

my children think that Father Christmas is watching them every time the light on the burglar alarm sensor goes red

little blu - mine too think that santa watch them thru burglar alarm - for rest of year its Jesus looking

In sheer desperation with dd2 i have been known to threaten to microwave her toy dog

I told my 4 year old that he needed to eat his carrots to make him see in the dark. When he still didn't eat them I told him that the blind man round the corner from us didn't eat his carrots when he was little!

DH (lawyer) well and truly out argued by 5 yo asking for food at beditime tonight:

DH: "You can't be still hungry..look, you've got all this fat here on your tummy to get you through the night"

DS: "But you have a big fat tummy and you're always hungry.."

So true..

To ds2 (3 years old), in reply to his asking to have his pudding before his first course, DH said,

"You want to grow up middle class don't you?", bemused look from ds2 who nods, "Well there you go. Delayed gratification is the corner-stone of the middle class ethos."

pmsl at notcitrus and "That's not my wotsit! It's thingy is too whatever!"

also at YouKnowNothing's DH - classic!

I am mostly guilty of telling DS (now 23mo) to stop being such a baby when he's wailing for no particular reason other than that he can't have what he wants.

I do have a tendency to say things to him that I would say to DH as well - such as "this position is non-negotiable" - I'm working on the principle that he gets the general idea!

my nan used to say 'i'll have your guts for garters if you do that again'nice!

i say stupid things like-
after doing a weekly shop.'dont eat it its got to last' to dc

i shout 'if you dont stop....i will have to shout'

'carrots make you see in the dark,broccoli makes you as big and strong as a tree,potatoes make you fluffy(no idea why they want to be fluffy),runner beans make you run fast and peas make you brainy'.

ive dont the 'if your not ready for school in 2 minutes im going without you' one too.silly mummy.

what have i told you about climbing on the tv stand?

ds is 11months old..how would know, then find myself answering my own question!

i once told DS that he was shrinking and the only thing that'd stop him was to eat the sausage he was refusing to eat.

He caught onto the game in the end and was actually shrinking himself down before eating the sausage when he'd sit up straight.

I remember looking at DH and saying "the things you have to do to make them eat!"

We tell our 2 yr old that when the ice cream man plays his tune, it means he's out of ice cream hehe.

Nice call mommymeggie!

The oddest exchange in our house to date:

DS (age 2 and naked after the bath) Maaammaaa, I bwush my pee-nuss wif yer toooofbrush!
(I look over and he is doing exactly that)

Me: There's...there's nothing to say here.

Me: 'You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?'

DS: [carries on with whatever he's doing]

My friends dad used to say to us when we were young "Eat your carrots, they help you see" Which of course we would disagree with and his reply was "Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?".......we would then eat our carrots

I am a childminder and one of the children i take care of was being very rude to me and had been rude to his mother. i told him that if he would rude to me or to his mother again, I would tell his mother!

"Right! That't IT! I am NEVER BUYING YOGURTS AGAIN. EVER!!"

"if you're not ready for school in 2 minutes I'm going without you"

LOL at this, rubyrubyruby