Sorry to bleat about DS#2 again
Last night at my parents there was an incident when DS#2 pushed his sister over and made her drop her lego model so that it smashed. She was very upset (understandably) and had a go at DS#2 - ranted on at him for ages! We were in a bit of a hurry, it was raining and dark so I didn't say much to DS at the time intending to have a proper word later. Once we were in the car I told DS off - made him apologise. However DD cried all the way home.
When i was getting her into bed she had a right strop - told me that I was too soft on DS, that he was horrible, and that I must be stricter with him. She is also convinced that he pretends to do things that he can really do because he's 'lazy'. It's no good my telling her that DS#1 was the same at that age - all she can think of is that she wasn't and that DS#2 should be made to do things. She was very very angry.
Now I can see her POV. He is difficult. And without a doubt his behaviour impacts on all the family. But he is about to be referred to the SENCO as his new teacher has realised there is something not 'right' about his behaviour. And DH and I are run ragged by him and trying to cope with him. Being any 'stricter' would have to involve beating him with a big stick and shoving him in the cellar
How do I deal with this. I can see that she feels shortchanged sometimes and although DS is cute he doesn't give a great deal in terms of affection - it tends to be one-way traffic. When he knocked DD over his first response was 'it wasnt my fault' not that he was sorry for what he's done.
She already tries to 'help' with DS#2 - mainly by bossing him about and shouting at him (which does no good btw). Can we bring her on board in some more positive way.
BTW DS#1 feels similarly - he admits he loses his temper with him (and always apologises afterwards as he knows it makes DS#2 worse) but his life is more outside the house than DD's is. It seems easier for him.