Reasons to be happy SAHM's!

[whensmydayoff]

Hi

I am a SAHM and have read a lot of threads lately about the boredum that often comes with the job!
I felt that since my PG hormones are blessing me with a GOOD DAY I should share my reasons to be happy and hopefully cheer you all up.

1. Unless you were a formula one racing driver or TV presenter, were there not days at work when you'd look at the clock and it was 2.30pm then 3 hours later you'd look again and it was 2.40pm !

2. If you tried going back to work, and I did - How horrible was it when your mum/childminder/nursery worker told you about what they had done today for the first time. How horrible was it when your child seemed to prefer them to you?

3. How fast has it went? It will get faster still and you'll look back and be glad you were the one bringing them up, seeing the progress, there for the hugs and funny bits. One day you will wish they were young again and wonder where it all went.

4. Do you have days where you are near tears or actually in tears by time DP/DH gets home? Little horror has upset you/made your day hell. Did nobody ever do that to you at work?

5. We will all be back at work, working with someone we have nothing in common with, clock watching or stressed out our tiny minds and think back to the days when we were pushing our babies/toddlers on the swings or having a relaxing coffee with other mums and wonder what we were moaning about.

Don't get me wrong, I too have found myself so bored that I think I may just stop breathing.
I have had evil thoughts towards Thomas and his friends.
I have stumbled across mums who are less interesting than paint drying and had to endure an hours conversation about sleep problems or weening when that all seems like light years ago to me.
It was just this morning, Im 28 weeks PG. I decided to look through my DS's baby clothes to see what I will keep and wash when it struck me - I can hardly remember him wearing most of them or him being so small. What the hell do you do with a baby anyway!
I came on here and seen more threads from bored SAHM's and just wanted to remind you all how quickly you will not remember these days.
If it didn't cheer you up a bit - It killed 10 minutes reading it! x

blueshoes. Your at home with a torn faced 2 yr old and feeling, god, what am I doing. What alternative thoughts might you have?

squiglet I think your day sounds beautiful!

I liked the OP and especially enjoyed Squiglet?s account of her day with her boys, I have been a SAHM for 20 months now and there are some days when I hanker for my former working life. I adore being with my children but after 12 years of office life, there are things I miss about that. I really admire women who really can juggle the two roles; I don?t think I?d be much good at that, I?d always believe that I was neglecting one aspect. That has come as a shock to me having been brought up in a generation in which we believed that we could have and do it all.

I've had some brilliant, rewarding professional roles. And other, mind-numbingly unchallenging and boring roles. I have, within my varied career, at one time or another encountered all of the negative experiences at work which the OP mentions. And yes, I am very happy to be avoiding those crappy working experiences for now. It makes me happy to be able to escape the downsides of working for a while.

I also had some superb experiences and rewards from working. And I hope that one day I will be able to experience something similarly positive again.

How is this complicated? I am happy to be avoiding the stuff which once made me miserable. It helps to remember that when I am dwelling on the tedious side of my current SAHM existence.

I feel no bitterness, pity or envy towards anyone who makes different choices from me. Why would I feel the need to denigrate their choices? They may see my choices as their own perfect hell - do I care?

i love the freedom of being a sahm, not having to work to other people's timetables and rules.
i love being able to choose what we do depending on how we feel that day.
i love that i get to spend all day in the company of some of my favourite people in the world.
i love that i know my kids so well at a time when they can be a different person from one week to the next.
i love having my own little child development lab, where i see each step unfold.
i love that i get to see the world from a totally different perspective.
i love that the process of separation, from a single mum/baby unit to a self reliant independent person happens so gradually and gently.
i love that we have all this precious time and if they want to stop at every car along he road to see what shape the indicators are, we can.

it's the time, the lack of pressure, that i value the most, i think. i take on board all the points made upthread, i hope this doesn't come across as smug or bashing others choices, it's just why i love my job.

ty barbaree

waves to MrsMcJnr - how are you? Havent seen you in ages but i've been crap and not posted on post natal thread for a while. x

mwff gives an excellent list of good things about being an SAHM that does not reference back against the world of work. Thank you.

Not sure how mwff's post doesn't ref. back to work. Surely it does because the implication is that if mwff was out at work then she couldn't do the things she listed. Which is why she's sah.

Great post, though, Mwff

juuule, depending on how intense the working hours are, a WOHM can do all those things listed by mwff, just less of it.

So I don't agree there is a corollary implication that WOHMs cannot do it.

That may be so Blueshoes, but for some who woh it wouldn't be possible. So for those, it would be a plus for them sah. I think that Hopeforthebest post saying

"If you leave out all those references, then you are left with a list of wonderful things about being a mum, regardless of whether you're at home with your kids all day, or out at work."

shows why it can't really be helped that there are some comparisons drawn.

Whensmydayoff started this thread originally to remind sahm about the good things about being a sahm. Not to get at woh. But

But?

Juuule, if you read the OP again, it is not "can't really be helped that there are some comparisons drawn." as you describe. Look at her points 1) to 5).

It was a direct comparison between WOHM and SAHM.

Which does not trouble me, as I know what WOHM is like and don't necessarily agree with all her descriptions.

Just strikes me as amusing that the way to make SAHMs feel good about their lot is to diss the lot of WOHMs. Oh well.

I'm not sure it was intended to diss the wohms. I think she was just mentioning some areas where some sahms could look back at aspects of their own woh lives and feel better about their own sah lives.

Not particularly a general dig at wohm.
Or at least that's how I read it.

I had a job I loved but I gave it up when ds1 was born as I wanted to be the one there with him all day

11 yrs later we are much worse off financially but I don't have a seconds regret

I know practically everything thats happened to my boys as I was the one doing it alongside them

op don't feel bad, I totally agree with your op

stick with it, its so worth it!

Thank you OP for your post. I am about to give up work to be a SAHM and am really looking forward to it, but have the odd moment when I wonder if I'm doing the right thing. It was good to be reminded of what I'm looking forward to.
As far as being a wohm is concerned, it's not that I don't like my job, it's the juggling of house, children and work which gets me down - I don't feel I have time to do anything to the best of my abilities. I can't wait to be able to take and pick up my 4 year-old dd from school every day and spend more time with ds (18 months).

Squiglet - I'm good thanks come over and chat sometime!

it always seems to me on these threads (or rather what these threads turn into) is that some women who work outside the home just can't understand the fact that a lot of women with jobs that were well paid and interesting are more than willing to give up their work as they want to be the one bringing up their babies and not leaving them in childcare all day. They actually want to be the ones spending all day caring for their own kids with everything thats involved in this care. They most probably miss aspects of their old life, but above all they want to be with their children and this over rides all other feelings at the end of the day. I've always thought a lot of WOHM's just don't want to be with their kids all day, would much rather be at work, but secretly they are a bit envious of mums who do seem to actually enjoy spending most of their day with their children as it is something they could never do and wouldn't know how to fill days and weeks on end just with their children and without their work giving them the status they seem to get their self esteem from.

My children can drive me nuts, frequently!, but I have loved the time I've spent at home with them, I love their company and couldn't see any other way of doing it, thats why I gave up my job, to be with them first and foremost, certainly not because my job was boring, as it wasn't.

Im back!
I actually couldn't look at this post for a few days because I ended up so upset that a simple '' sent out to SAHM turned into people like Quattrocento being totally personal - and meaning to be!
I've loved some of the posts since though.
mwff your post was brilliant. You did manage to give great reasons that would be hard for some on here to pick holes in!
Loads of others have given brilliant examples too.
ssd you hit the nail on the head there. I Have met a mum exactly as you described. She openly admitted she'd rather pull her finger nails out than stay at home with her toddlers (fine).
She said she'd hate to loose the status that came along with the job she had (fine, whatever) I didn't care.
She was my friend and I respected her. Unfortunately she didn't pay the same respect back to me and started belittling me and my job as a SAHM. She'd use every opportunity to critisise me or make smart comments.
I realised she had a bee in her bonnet that I ACTUALLY was enjoying it and made the most of what I did.
She's been dumped, who needs friends like that!
I think that's one of the toughest things SAHM's will face. The downright disrespect that comes with the job from SOME other woman.
You tell them what you do and they say, 'oh, when are you going back to work'?
(If I had a pound for every time I got that one)!
'What did you do'? (as if to try and define you as a person as thus far you had failed)!
'I couldn't do it, id be so bored'.
The list goes on. I actually dread the face that comes with my reply now.
It's so sad now that the very idea of a woman being more than happy to take some years out of her working life to bring up her own children and support the family in other ways, is deemed less important than a career.
When Quattrocento gets to the pearly's, is she going to think the real joy came from her status and achievments at work !? That seems to be the point she was making - That if you'd rather be with your children, you must have had the wrong job or not worked hard enough .
I was pointing out some possible bad aspects that could happen at work too, I was not describing my job!!
There are as many woman who would RATHER work as there are who HAVE to work.
Respect people for who they are, not what they have acheived and don't judge their life decisions.
Everyone must do what's best for their family. An unhappy mum means unhappy children and if WANTING to work, works for you, do it but don't worry about anyone else and what they are doing.
Goldberry I was nervous about giving up my job too but don't worry. It's so worth it and as long as you get out and about and meet all of the interesting, intelligent other mums out there (intelligent working woman can give birth too) you will love it.
Obviously, like I was trying to say, there will be days when it's hard and you miss your job or collegues but don't think you've made the wrong choice, just remember all the hard aspects and reasons why you decided to leave.
Unfortunately these will mean comparing to working life !!
It might just be the rushing around to get to work and have LO cared for or it may be an aspect of your job you didn't like. Being a SAHM is exactly the same, bad days, good days, nice aspects and bad aspects.
Getting out and about is the key though.
For everyone else who just can't understand where I was coming from. Try reading all the posts from the bored or unhappy SAHM's and see the things they are complaining or upset about. Then you might see what message I was trying to convey TO THEM.
All jobs/people have their bad days. x
Quattrocento If you'd hate to sit and talk to mums as all they talk about are nappies....Why do you chat on mumsnet !

"When Quattrocento gets to the pearly's, is she going to think the real joy came from her status and achievments at work !? That seems to be the point she was making - That if you'd rather be with your children, you must have had the wrong job or not worked hard enough."

That's not what I said, of course. What I said is that I wanted to hear the positives about being a sahm rather than the negatives about being a wohm.

I'm glad that some people have some really positive experiences of being a sahm that don't just mean they had horrible working lives. Gives this thread a bit more balance.

My point of view is that there are lots of positives and achievements to be made at work, as there are at home. And a thread denigrating the world of work is not going to play well to any wohms (even if they are having a horrible time at work).

Again, it was not aimed at working mums.
And again, I was not saying this was how my work was. I LOVED MOST PARTS OF MY JOB
I was saying 'in reply' to some SAHM's on other threads - Yes, we can have bad days, but that 'can' happen at work too.
Im going to give up on this though Quattro because you can't seem to shake off the idea that im aiming to express my hate for working!

Quattro I don't think the aim of this thread was specifically to denigrate the world of work. It also wasn't aimed at wohms so the 'playing well' to them isn't really applicable.
I think the original aim was an attempt to cheer up any sahm who were having an off day and for comments from any sahm to say why they were happy at home. Obviously for some those reasons might include describing a contrast with when they woh but that wasn't an attack on wohm.

OP, as a SAHM, I appreciated your post. Thanks.

Was going to get stuck in, but then, I'm happy with my choice so no need to get involved, really.

It is sad how so many of us feel we need to justify our SAHM or WOHM status though.

Some are one or the other out of choice, some are not. Only those who are stuck as one or the other but would rather not be who have the right to complain, IMO. And the rest of us should just be happy that we are in the postion we want to be.

great thread op....for those who understand what you meant by it that is!!

hit a nerve i think!!