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Parenting

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Original poster

if you could re-live the first years with dc1 knowing what you know, then what would you do differently?

48 replies

zebramummy · 03/10/2009 20:00

wtb of hindsight, i sometimes find myself 'regretting' my naivety as a parent during those early years; having never even picked up a baby in my life prior to ds being born. i can now see that there were other parents setting the bar higher from day one; esp wrt encouraging independence and peer interaction - i feel that i overprotected and 'over-babied' him in the nicest possible way. whist i think sleep/feeding routines were great and always worked well, i just wish that i had provided a more varied social life rather than sticking to the same couple of groups almost religiously and always removing him from uncomfortable situations just to stop him crying. i could go on..

he has turned four now so it is a bit late in the day to be considering all this- besides he is a lovely, gentle, chatty little thing - just a bit too babyish and emotionally vulnerable than most others in his nursery class. i was wondering whether these kind of regrets ever go away?

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IWantCleanCarpets · 03/10/2009 20:03

I would not have fed on demand (every 1-2 hours for ds!) as my NCT class insisted was the only way. I would have eased into a 4 hour feeding routine asap

MrsBlennerhasset · 03/10/2009 20:05

yes, I agree. I think I also over-babied slightly and my second has been left to cry for short times occasionally, simply because I had two people's needs to see to.

My other thing is sleep. i wish I'd known about sleep patterns and over-tiredness etc. But I suppose we learn these things by going through the desperation barrier!

MunkyNuts · 03/10/2009 21:22

I would not have run to every flamin little whimper. I now have a beautiful DD (4) who still frequently whines and cries for attention and now it just makes something inside me snap. I can´t bear the sound of it. DS2 who was not attended to in such a manner has other ways of getting my attention, and altho some drive me completely bonkers, nothing so much as that crying!

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juuule · 03/10/2009 21:28

Munkynuts - that might be true in your dc cases but maybe not. I thought the same with my first 2. First one much more demanding than 2nd and I put it down to me being able to pay more attention to the first and not as much to the 2nd. Boy was I wrong. No3 arrived and was just as demanding as no1. No way could I have left dc3 for a few minutes like I could dc2. My head would have exploded with the pitch of the cry.

Be warned.

smugmumofboys · 03/10/2009 21:29

I would have sought help for what I now realize was pnd so that I didn't turn into the negative and aggressive mother I was for a while after DS2 was born.

I just thought I was coping. With hindsight, now that the fog has lifted, I realize that I really wasn't.

Fortunately, my relationship with both DSes is very strong and loving.

MunkyNuts · 03/10/2009 21:32

Juuule I feel well and truly warned, there shall be no baby number three!!!

Wonderstuff · 03/10/2009 21:40

I would have been more insistant that dh gave dd a bottle at night time and tried harder to get him more involved with caring for her rather than taking over quickly when he found it too hard. I wish he found it easier to settle her and felt less rejected when she goes to me.

juuule · 03/10/2009 21:47

Oh nooooo. Munkynuts no need to be that warned. Your 3rd will probably be lovely.

squilly · 03/10/2009 21:57

I'd have tried harder with food instead of thinking it wasn't important and she'd get her chance to try more food when she was older. She's now 8 and has a quite restricted diet.

Other than that, I wouldn't do much different. She's a delight

Pyrocanthus · 03/10/2009 23:13

I'd worry less.

Zebramummy - your son will gradually gain in confidence as he gets older, but he may just be quite sensitive by nature. I can't see that you've done anything wrong - you've not kept him away from other children, and being forced to stay in uncomfortable situations isn't necessarily great for a tiny child's confidence. You've gone with your instincts and he knows he is loved and cared for, and will be supported as he becomes more independent.

Pyrocanthus · 03/10/2009 23:14

Presumably it's perfectly legal as long as you're not paying your license fee.

Pyrocanthus · 03/10/2009 23:15

Aaargh! Sorry, that last post should have been attached to a different thread,here

Pyrocanthus · 03/10/2009 23:20

thelunar66 · 03/10/2009 23:23

I would not have worked full time.

PlonkerCandleInAPumpkin · 03/10/2009 23:24

I would have backed off and just let her be.

TheCrackFox · 03/10/2009 23:31

I would have tried to enjoy him more.

Sibella1 · 03/10/2009 23:52

I would have let her sleep in my bed when she wanted to and not try to get her to sleep throught the night in her own cot as a baby - it didn't work anyway.

I would have kept her a baby a little longer and not have pushed her so much, even though she did brilliantly anyway.

I would have breastfed her longer than 18 months.

Luckily I did it right with my second dd who is now 3. She falls asleep in my bed (but we move her to her own), just stopped breasfeeding on her own quite recently and is such a baby I can't imagine sending her to school next year. But I enjoyed every moment of her babyhood and she is the happiest funniest child ever.

My dd1 also turned out nicely - she is 8 now - very clever and sweet but quite serious.

kitkatqueen · 04/10/2009 00:14

I would have enjoyed her more and worried less about going out and doing stuff and more about just spending time together. I would have waved more rattles and blown more rasperries... 4th time lucky,

Claire2009 · 04/10/2009 00:26

I would have tried to enjoy her more, she's nearly four now and I'm very very sad that she has grown so fast and time is going so quick

SecretSlattern · 04/10/2009 00:36

I would have ensured a routine was in place for DD. She is a child who at 5 still needs the security of a routine. We did this accidentally with DS and realise now that it would have been a better way of doing things with DD.

I would have worried less and enjoyed her more as as baby. Again, having DS has shown me that I don't need to stress over every little whimper.

I would have encouraged DH to be more active in the day to day doings of things, rather than leaving DD with him and him reacting like a rabbit caught in the headlights! He still struggles with things like getting their clothes ready, and he often has to be reminded that if I am at college, he will need to cook their tea and get them ready for bed (he's not all bad really!)

Tortington · 04/10/2009 00:37

you couldnt pay me to go back and re-live the horrific baby years.

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 10:26

I would have enjoyed the time I had with just ds more. Although I love dd to pieces, I miss the times when it was just me and him.

Also - like others have said - I wouldn't run to every little whimper when he was sleeping. I realise now that he just mumbles in his sleep, and me running into him woke him up. He's now 2 and a half and sleeps really badly. I wish I could've seen PND for what it was too - with dd I haven't had it, and I realise now that what I thought was just normal was in fact me losing the plot quite spectacularly.

GodzillasBumcheek · 04/10/2009 10:43

I was tempted to say i'd have her fostered

But i don't really mean it, we're just on the third attempt at potty training that's all [sob]

loler · 04/10/2009 10:52

I would be more selfish and do what I wanted to do rather try and keep everyone else happy (eveyone else being anyone not inside immediate family).

I would go out/on holiday more when pg/baby stage dc1. I didn't realise how portable one baby is. When they are little they really don't need a whole car full of stuff! We go away for 2 weeks with 3 dc with less stuff than a weekend away with dc1 as a newborn!

I would cut the number of hours I worked when dc1 was little.

I would have left weaning until 6mnths with the first two dc - mashing isn't all that! and would have done the BLWing thing - again mashing isn't all that!

I would have invested in a tummy tub for baby 1 - they are ace!

I wouldn't worry about getting a baby sleeping through - it will happen and it's not worth pushing before they are ready. Ditto potty training.

I would have used cloth nappies on dd.

I would have gone to see a breast feeding counciller before dc1&2 were born and ignored what I was told by 'helpful' others.

It's taken until dc3 for me to enjoy the stage the dc are the moment and not hanker after the past for wish for the next stage.

Don't I go on!

scroobiuspirate · 04/10/2009 10:56

dummy

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