if you could re-live the first years with dc1 knowing what you know, then what would you do differently?

[zebramummy]

wtb of hindsight, i sometimes find myself 'regretting' my naivety as a parent during those early years; having never even picked up a baby in my life prior to ds being born. i can now see that there were other parents setting the bar higher from day one; esp wrt encouraging independence and peer interaction - i feel that i overprotected and 'over-babied' him in the nicest possible way. whist i think sleep/feeding routines were great and always worked well, i just wish that i had provided a more varied social life rather than sticking to the same couple of groups almost religiously and always removing him from uncomfortable situations just to stop him crying. i could go on..

he has turned four now so it is a bit late in the day to be considering all this- besides he is a lovely, gentle, chatty little thing - just a bit too babyish and emotionally vulnerable than most others in his nursery class. i was wondering whether these kind of regrets ever go away?

A lot
I'm sure we had a vicious circle of stress and tiredness.

Stop the regrets! Please!

Ir doesn't matter. Move on with a smile on your face.

I would have abandoned my doomed attempt to breastfeed much earlier rather than listening to professionals who assured me, in the face of all the evidence, that my supply would increase.

Then I would have bonded with my child and enjoyed the first few months rather than develop PND.

I loved my first few years as a mother. Ignorance is bliss, and all that. I pretty much just did my own thing. I fed him on demand, slept with him and generally hugged him all I wanted.

I was, however, just a leeetle bit PFB about all the dangerous things my DS1 could come in contact with, such as sugary biscuits, non-organic carrots and fish fingers. But that's part of the joy of having a PFB, surely?

There seems to be a pattern here which I would echo.

Worry less and enjoy more.

All those new mothers who are stressing over tiny details please believe all this. Mine are 11 and 13 now and those baby years went so quickly and in such a haze of self doubt and fear.

I would have made some videos of them. Really regret not doing that.

practically everything... hindsight and three children is a fantastic fountain of knowledge. A few examples -
Wouldn't have given him formula - ever
wouldn't have cows milk myself
wouldn't have obsessively placed him on his back ever time he rolled over in the night
and loads more

I don't think I would have changed anything about the first year. The second and third years were pretty testing for reasons outside motherhood/DD and inevitably I would not find myself in the same circumstances and would have more time and energy for a bit more social life than I had with DD.

would have:

worried less
worked less
laughed more

everything

Would Have:

Got into a routine sooner.. Once I started that, things got so much easier.

Told everyone to piss off and leave us alone for those first precious 2 weeks that DH was on paternity leave. It was like an open house, and I found it really hard to cope with and took it out on DH. (I can see now)

Not been so scared of my own ability to be a good mother, and gone with instinct rather than the outdated, stupid advice of friends and family.

Had a glass of wine before 11 weeks PP. (which I even came on MN to ask advice about!)

1)I wish I hadn't been so anxious and chilled out more.
2)I wish I hadn't pushed myself to breast feed for 5 horrid months when it clearly wasn't working for either of us (reflux, oral thrush, colic).
3)I wish I hadn't taken Gina Ford quite so literally, now DS won't/can't sleep in a buggy or anywhere else but his cot.....
although Im glad I followed a routine as he does still sleep 2-3 hours a day (2.4).
4) I wish I didn't fly off the handle at times, shouting and screaming at him is so wrong and doesn't work.
5) Did I mention I wished I could chill out!!

I think you get the jist. We are all the same, picking holes in our parenting. Don't think you have destroyed him because you have loved him so much. You know your little downfalls and he will grow to be more independent as he gets older. He will soon be at school and back chatting you and you'll wish he was a baby again!

I would have trusted my own instincts more rather than worrying about all the differing advice given to me by every different HV I met, plus all the un-asked-for advice from complete strangers as to why my DS was so small and why he cried so much.

I wouldn't have wasted time worrying because he couldn't drink from a beaker at 6 months, was so attached to his bottle, dummy etc and didn't meet every milestone at exactly the age my child care books said.

I would have ignored GF all together, as I did with the other two, and would have co-slept, fed on demand and just enjoyed DS1 when he was tiny instead of trying to get him to fit in with our lives .

And I would have had a homebirth as I did with my other two

I would have expected less of her and realised how little she was and what a sweet baby.

zebramummy - I think it sounds as though you did everything right! He is still very little and a lot will change for him in the next year. Please don't regret babying him. It means you've really made the most of those lovely first years. I think it's sad when people are so keen for tiny children to be very independent.

I would have played more, ignored the housework, relaxed more and worried less.

As Dailyfail says - tell the well wishers and baby greeters that you will let them know when you want to see them - or limit visits to 15 mins.

I wish I hadn't bothered going to so many groups and coffee mornings from such an early stage pp. But that's because I'm an anti-social sofa-surfer!

Really - the best thing you can do is spend lots and lots of time snuggling with and enjoying your baby - you will never get the time back.

I also wish didn't have to return to work so soon - but there was a mortgage to pay.

Second time round is MUCH better!

I'd love to have a third time round.

I wish I hadn't offered DS alternatives when he didn't eat his dinner, or let DH offer him 5 different things. I wish I had got him on adult food earlier rather than using jars for the childminders because they were easy.
That way perhaps DS wouldn't have such a restricted diet, but other than that not a lot.

I wish I could remember more about dd's first few months. We had no routine for anything, she was a poor sleeper which isn't surprising considering she slept when she wanted to. Once we did establish a routine (around 10months she was a dream. I was totally incompetant, I still remember bathing her four times in one day because she loved being in water. What was I thinking.
I really wish I'd enjoyed her babyness more, she is a gorgeous eight year old now, but I still wistfully think back to her as an eight day old.

I would not have stopped breastfeeding at 5 months thinking how fab I was for even getting that far . Didn't know about MN then. With DD I fed her for 14 months and then she lost interest and only wanted to eat solid food.

I would never have left ds with my inlaws at only 9 weeks old overnight because I felt so pressured by them and exh to "take time for us". They just wanted to get their hands on my baby!

I would have pursued a diagnosis for ds's ASD a lot sooner, instead of putting my head under a cushion about it and hoping it would go away for 6 months. It wasn't an immense amount of time but early intervention is crucial and I will always feel guilty for that lost time.

I would have fed him a much wider variety of fruit and veg, his ASD makes him really picky but perhaps if I had given him more variety there might be at least ONE kind of fruit or veg he will eat now!

I wouldn't have breathed on him without a mask for the first couple of weeks and then he might not have caught whooping cough. Or failing that would have staged a sit-in at the GPs and said "no, I think you'll find that he is not 'perfectly fine'".