Is the whole 'little boys love their mothers' idea just a myth perpetuated by mothers of boys?

[Pinkjenny]

I am due to have a little boy in December, I already have a 2.5yo dd. Every single person that I tell says, "Little boys love their mothers, they're so loving", blah blah blah.

I mean EVERY person that has boys says this to me, it's like a stock response.

Is it true? Dd is very affectionate and I like to think she loves me too...

I've heard the saying "Babies bring their own bread" as well Frumpygrumpy - it's Polish.

Babies bring a lot of everything don't they!

You can't say things like "girls grow out of the cuddle stage quicker".............some might and some don't. Same for boys.

children are different. I detest comparing sexes.

zazen trust the Poles!!

based on my vast experiance of my own 3 it's true, boys just seeem cuddlier.

dd doesn't like snuggling unless it's a quick cuddle on her terms, ds1 however is a cuddle bug who'd be happy snuggled in someones arms all day every day, he's alot more tactile as well with stroking and fondling me when cuddling... ds2 seems to be the same although he's only 7 months.

dd is very loving but it's strictly on her terms whereas the the boys cuddle as much to give affection as to receive it iyswim?

but that's just my three, obviously i doubt every boy and girl fit that description, but i do think that possibly more boys than girls are cuddly and affectionate, more gilrs than boys like pink and glitter and that gender stereotypes exist because there are irrefutable genetic differances between boys and girls that do obviously affect their behaviour.

Some genetic stereotypes may exist because of genetic differences, PinkTulips, but certainly not the vast majority. These are down to all sorts of nasty factors which we are all familiar with, girls liking pink and glitter being one of them.

I think mothers love their little boys and boys are more affectionate, generally. But then I have four very affectionate children, boys and girls. My three boys are very different from each other too.
Perhaps mothers hold on tighter to boys because they are yours forever, whereas girls do stick around for life.

My dd is more independent than ds1, but ds2 is pretty independent too!

my boys are terribly cuddly still - almost 12 and almost 9. Definitely seem to get more hugs and less attitude than my friends with girls. but we are a v tactile family.

and of course, girls giving attitude doesn't mean they don't love their mums....!

What do you mean by "Perhaps mothers hold on tighter to boys because they are yours forever, whereas girls do stick around for life", fruitshoots?

I have three ridiculously affectionate and cuddly girls. Any more cuddling and I would suffocate. and they are all going to live with me for ever. and marry me if possible.

I do know some mothers (not saying anyone on here is like this so don't all jump on me) who are more bracing with their daughters, cos they identify with them, and more tolerant towards their sons as they don't see themselves so closely in them. My SIL was like this, she was quite hard on her dd, always saying, "D is like me, scared of this... bad at that" but far more likely to just see her little boy as a separate person. So I think sometimes there's an element of mothers expecting more from their daughters or being more frustrated with them because they see their own younger selves in them.

not everyone does this, of course. but sometimes. And similarly, some fathers are harder on their sons and indulgent towards their daughters, my grandfather was always disappointed in my uncle for not being into cricket and woodwork, but being bookish instead, but he was very tolerant towards my mother who was similarly bookish and unsporting, because he didn't expect a girl to be like him. so he had a good cuddly relationship with his daughter and a difficult one with his son.

I mean that mothers do tend to mollycoddle boys, enable them in their haplessness and keep them needy, whereas girls are 'trained' to be independent and able. Most men I know live further away from their parents than their wives and are less likely to phone their mothers.

It's only generalising, but I do think it's the case for most.

And I meant to write that boys are not yours forever.....doh!
Basically men replace their mothers with their dws, but womens mothers always have a place.

God, it's all nonsense isn't it?

DS1 would gladly bury me under a concrete slab today and I pretty much feel the same way about him right now. Last week (aged 10) he climbed on my knee and ruffled my hair and gave me a big smacker.

Let's not join in the stereotyping...?

No fruitshoots, generalising means it probably is NOT the same for most! I absolutely do not mollycoddle.

stillstanding, both my kids are allowed to watch whatever tv they want and play with whatever toys they want. Although ds1 will play with pink and dolls occasionally he has a definite preferance for banging and smashing and pretending to fight monsters and tigers and adores Ben 10 and Land of Time.

dd used to play with toy cars 24/7 but recently she's leaning more and more towards girlier toys, sparkly things and fairies on everything, her favourite tv programmes are fairy programmes and dora and she prefers drawing and dolls to rough games.

we've never pushed them either way, in fact we quite liked it when they both played cars and dolls together and watched the same tv programmes as it made life much mnore peaceful but they've still veered towards the 'gender typical' games and behaviours.

It is true for me but I don't expect it to be true for anybody else. Both my boys are very cuddly and affectionate, especially DS2 who might be just too affectionate - I can't move sometimes.

They both run out of school for a cuddle and they are 9 and 6 now. I don't notice my friends' girls do that. They usually come out with some tale to tell or some woe to dump on their mother. Maybe it is a tactic by my boys not to have to tell me anything!!

My mother always said that I was not a big one for cuddles as a child but my brother was and still is given half a chance.

However, I fully accept that my sample does not a trend make.

cant compare
but they do

"It's just a stock response, it's one of those things designed to stop your tongue from cleaving to the mouth from lack of use, really it's a noise. Doesn't mean a thing."

Oh how true cory. It's like when people's mouths fall open and the words 'is s/he good?' just tumble out in a vaguely coherent and yet utterly meaningless sentence.

The actual facts about babies, all gender comments aside don't make for polite conversation. In reality we'd need to be standing around muttering 'it'll probably poo you know' and 'there's a possibility you might be up in the night with this one'. The facts are not as reassuring as the guff we tell ourselves to make it bearable.

Hag on a minute, of course little boys love their mothers, how can that be a myth?

Little girls love their mothers too. All children love their mothers don't they?

How could you think it is a myth?

PinkTulips, there are obviously gender differences and boys, for example, do (generally) tend to play more agressive games etc than girls probably in large part due to all that testerone and their general physical make-up. For this reason girls and boys are never going to be exactly the same (thank goodness!). But I don't think that you can underestimate all the other social factors that they are exposed to (tv/nursery etc) which will influence them and make them do "boy things" or "girl things".

I do feel strongly that it is important not make sweeping generalisations about boys v girls and to avoid gender stereotyping wherever possible. None of us is going to be able to avoid foisting our "prejudices" on our children (and others around us) subsconsciously but we need to be wary of this and when someone says something nonsensical (like what the OP was told) they can safely be told to get back in their box.

So true, overmydeadbody - I think the "more than DDs" was missing but implied!

I have two boys, very different characters.
DS1 is and always has been very active, never sits still, DS2 is far more sedentary, will sit and play and concentrate, happy to sit drawing where DS1 never was.

They do both adore me, but as he gets older I have noticed DS1 (5.5yrs old)hero worshipping DH, so that relationship has changed a lot, he no longer seems to prefer me. It is not me who he wants to read him a bedtime story as it was 99% of the time. That may or may not happen with DS2, at the moment he isn't in to football and going off on adventures like his older brother is, he may change, he is only 3.5yrs old!

Thanks ladies. I have come to my own conclusions about the whole thing.

I still believe that a houseful of little girls is somehow considered to be the holy grail. My best friend is convinced she is a superior being as she has produced two girls.

anniemac - there's something about your post that makes me really uncomfortable, not sure what it is...

In my case study of two it is true.

DD loves me, and is affectionate with me but ds seems to really NEED me. He has to be on me, touching me, fiddling with me ALL day and dd was never like that. She liked to be cuddled etc but she never really cared who was holding her as long as someone was. DS won't settle for anyone but me most of the time.

I don't actually think it is because he is a boy though, just a different child with a different personality.