My son sucks at football. He is the worst on the team

[QuintessentialShadow]

and my mistake was that I did not straight away tell him "Rubbish", when he said this.

I was honest. I told him I thought he had played really good football this tournament, I was really proud of him as he has improved immensly. He said he was the worst, and I said no, but there were a few really good players and he cant expect to be as good as boys who has been playing for so much longer than him.

He was devastated. I have always believed in honesty, so I asked him "would you believe me if I told you I thought you were as good as the three star players on the team"

He had no reply.

So, how should one best handle this sort of thing? When your child is keen on a sport, enjoys the sport, the team spirit, but is not as good as some fo the others, yet wants desperatly to be?

yy it is non competitive. not that you'd realise it to hear the other side's parents at our match last weekend.

But if DS1 (who is 6) said to me "am I the best" I would honestly say I thought he was really fast and really good at passing and control, but needed to remember that it was a team game and also he wasn't in charge .

I would then add that in my view there isn't a "best" player (because he would ask who it was) - X is great at shooting but needs to stay in position, Y was brilliant in goals last week wasn't he, Z is getting more confident etc. I just don't think it's helpful for anyone to tell a child that they are the best, whether they are or not, and whatever age they are.

ho ho clara i tell my children they are the best almost all the time

they are quite well aware that they're not -- i get a and a

i can say they're rubbish at something now and still get a {grin]

that's a lopsided grin of course

I take your point about the uber competitive thing but then I said earlier -- it doesn't work if kids really think they are the best

just asked my son about saying they're the best

"that's what mums are supposed to say"

apparently

I think there is a difference between saying "I think you are fantastic" which should be said frequently and particularly about nothing in particular, and telling your child they are really good at something they are not particularly good at. However when ds says he sucks at anything, I do indeed respond with "rubbish" - then I do the you were good at this or that much as QS did. But ds can get very dispirited - if it was dd I might be less up with the immediate support (she has a whole gang of fans and no need for boosting in general)

ds's team has lost every single match they have played, except for last week when they drew... he's about average on the skills front, but footie probably isn't ideal for him (he is fast and brave, but hasn't much stamina). We think we might explore something else next term!

nooka at the risk of sounding utterly fawning you do say very sensible things

am going to have to avoid you on all threads from now on or you will think am weirdo stalker

Lol I'm sure I say my fair share of dumb things too!

When mine were this age, I used to say to them that they didn't need to be the best, just the best that they could be. As long as they try hard then you can't ask any more.

I heard Andy Williams on the radio the other day. He was told, when young, that his voice wasn't the best (he was a member of a family of singers) so he had to overcome this by working extra hard. He said that it sounded harsh by modern standards but it seems to have worked for him!

At least he's on the team! - that means he's pretty good doesn't it?

This thread has worried me as a lot of people seem to think football is a big deal. I have a wonderful 4yo DS who is shaping up to be utterly crap at football. He has never taken an interest in it at all and has very poor co-ordination, plus he's not a team player in the least. I want to encourage him if he's keen at any stage, but I can see a lot of misery ahead if he's made to feel it really matters and he still can't manage it.

I never want to tell him he's great at something he's not - he'd see through me instantly. What I would tell him is that he's fab and I love him anyway and if football (or whatever) is hard work, if he wants to improve, he can by working at it. But also that it's not the end of the world and there are always other things he can be brilliant at if he wants to.