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Original poster

Has anybody ever contemplating leaving their children?

59 replies

lulu41 · 01/09/2009 14:45

I know as a mother you are not supposed to do this. I love my dcs with all my heart and would miss them terribly but I wont to move out of london and their whole lives are here with their father. Our relationship is over for good and I want to be as far away from him as possible but I dont wont a custody battle as I know there would be so am considering leaving them behind.

OP posts:
ToffeeCrumble · 01/09/2009 15:54

Please don't do it. My cousin is in his 50s and has never recovered from being left by his mother at age 2. Has had dreadful mental health problems all his life.

LightShinesInTheDarkness · 01/09/2009 15:56

Honestly, yes. I have.

In the genuine belief that they would be better off without me because I am so unhappy and depressed most of the time, they deserve better.

Overmydeadbody · 01/09/2009 15:58

No, never, I would rather die than even consider leaving my children.

You need to find the strength to fight for them and take them with you if you leave London. Their lives are not in London, their lives are with their mother.

If you leave them you are effectively rejecting them. That will fuck them up for life.

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Families General parenting
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 01/09/2009 16:08

"you and your kind" ????

Actually I am the perfect person to advise you but I won't be bothering now.

You sort yourself out.

Original poster
lulu41 · 01/09/2009 16:12

OK this will be my last post - I originally postd not for sympathy etc etc I wanted to know who or if anyone had ever considered it. I am not a troll and I have been posting on Mumsbnet for 11 years in one guise or another. The only person that p... me off was Fab and her stroppy/martyr commen and my strop was directed soley at her not anyone else. I am in a terrible situation and have been for the last 5 years but as I said in one of my self pitying moments I wont leave what I originally wanted was to see if anyone was honest enough to admit that they had thought of it. I will never ever leave my children like the 97% of us who never would.

Thank you all for your comments yes I am depressed yes I am down and in actual fact I have no support whatsoever in real life whic is why sometimes I come on here and ask questions I knew what the response would be.

Thanks again

OP posts:
FabBakerGirlIsBack · 01/09/2009 16:14

Oh, it was obvious who your comment was aimed at.

Original poster
lulu41 · 01/09/2009 16:15

well Fab I came on here looking for suport and your post was nothing like support so to get p.... off with you is I think very normal and healthy

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 01/09/2009 16:15

lulu41, you sound like you are really struggling and i am sure that you must have anticipated some harsh responses, as it is such an emotive and difficutl subject

there has been some supportive comments too

but you are never going to get 100 % support for an OP discussing leaving your children on mumsnet

i would see your GP re your issues, you are clearly depressed and not thinking straight

perhaps call teh samaritans

also seek legal advice re the ramifications of leaving

don't just walk

think about whether a break of a few weeks might be better, whether you need some rest and support, or if you are genuinely convicend you can live without your children for the rest of your life, as tehy may not want anything t do with you when they are older

this is a massive undertaking and you need more support than i thikn MN can give

discuss with someone in RL too

if you are so miserable and cannot envisage being happy with your children you need some help

then you can make a rational decision

IOnlyReadtheDailyMailinCafes · 01/09/2009 16:15

I am not sure why you have had such a harsh reception, I could have started a thread not too dissimilar to this when dd was younger and I was in a dark place. I hope you find some way of talking this through.

Lizzylou · 01/09/2009 16:15

Lulu, so what will make things better?

I have never thought about leaving my DC, but I can understand why people might.

You need to get help to get out of this situation, you need to sort things. You being so desperately unhappy won't be good for your DC (as you have already admitted).
So what can you do?

TheChilliMooseisyourfriend · 01/09/2009 16:16

Oh dear I must be in the 3% who would leave.

LuluMaman · 01/09/2009 16:16

lulu41, you've had some support

no need to pick on FAB

you are bound to get negative and visceral responses from other mothers when you ask if anyone has contemplated leaving and that you are contemplating leaving your children

drop the aggression and you might get somewhere

Original poster
lulu41 · 01/09/2009 16:16

think my post has crossed with others I am not going to leave my children I found all but one post supportive and for that I thank you

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 01/09/2009 16:17

so you are not going to leave, which is a positive start, so what are you going to do to feel better ?

mamadiva · 01/09/2009 16:19

Lulu- I think the best thing you could do for your children and yourself right now is get help in real life, I don't know what your situation is but if you are that unhappy then your children will pick up on that no matter which face you put on for them!

So again please, please get some help and get out of this situation!

I have contemplated leaving a few times in my head I think things would have to be much, much worse for me to actually do it but I have to admit I don't like the whole attitude of no woman should ever do that when a man can come and go so freely from a childs life with maybe the odd snidey comment, everyone has their own story and sometimes you just have to dig a little deeper to understand it.

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 01/09/2009 16:19

I think everyone knows you are pissed off with just me.

If you can't take me saying you sound stroppy and martyr like how the hell are you going to cope when your kids ask why you left them or why you thought of it?

Instead of focussing on me pissing you off, why not read all I have posted and wonder whether actually I might have been able to help.

Original poster
lulu41 · 01/09/2009 16:26

Fab the only thing you said that was helpful "was that you felt like it" - I feel like it every day but I dont do it and will never do it so thank you for saying that too.

I wish I had someone in RL to talk to but I dont which is why I am posting here.

I suppose a name change is now in the offing.

Good afternoon ladies and again I thank you for your reponses including you Fab

OP posts:
LuluMaman · 01/09/2009 16:28

don;t need to change your name

i do urge you to get some help

start with your GP or the samaritans

best of luck

mamadiva · 01/09/2009 16:29

Lulu if you do genuinely want help then what is the point in running away and hiding behind a new name?

What good is that doing? You have no one in real life so correct me if I'm wrong but this would be a good place to start?! So I reckon the best thing you could do is open up a bit more about how you are feeling and why you are feeling this way there will always be someone on here who has been through similar.

You need to sort yourself out for the sake of your kids!!!

GColdtimer · 01/09/2009 16:30

lulu, no need to name change if you don't want to. Have you tried all avenues of RL support - GP, mental health team, family, friends or have you explored those avenues and found them lacking? I get the feeling you have been feeling like this for a long time. Do your DCs live with you at the moment and how much do they see of their father?

Original poster
lulu41 · 01/09/2009 16:32

I am on ADs have had CBT which have helped a little but when I am down like this no much helps

OP posts:
ellielou02 · 01/09/2009 16:36

lulu41 dont name change please do as some of the others have said and speak to a gp or someone you trust, it must have taken alot of courage to actually post on here how you feel and you should think of that as a step forward, you must be feeling very low to start thinking everyone would be happier if you moved away, but your children need you around.

ellielou02 · 01/09/2009 16:37

Do you work lulu or have any close friend?

FabBakerGirlIsBack · 01/09/2009 16:38

I would have been more than happy to help you.

I understand more than you will ever know but right now I can't deal with certain stuff so I wish you well and I am sure someone will help

but seriously, don't be on the defensive. People will always help on here but not if you get personal with off comments.

dittany · 01/09/2009 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.